Talk:Jamaal Westerman

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Jamaal Westerman/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Overall, this article is short but good. Given that he's just starting his pro career I'm not expecting a load of text in the article. I did find a few issues though:

• "He and his family moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, which is where Westerman began his high school career at St. Thomas Aquinas High School." The second part of the sentence, starting with which, flows weird. Reword.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• Should be mentioned that he chose Rutgers at the end of the early life section, though it's semi-obvious.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• "In the Cincinnati, Westerman recorded a sack on quarterback Dustin Grutza which forced a fumble." Fix the first part.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• "Against Connecticut, Westerman blocked a punt, recovered a D. J. Hernandez fumble both of which were recovered by for a Rutgers touchdown." Confusing, reword.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• "Beginning in March, Rutgers attempted to convert Westerman to defensive tackle," year?
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• "and recorded two tackles and a sack in his debut against the Houston Texans." Add a date for his debut.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
• "His other brother Jabar is a defensive tackle at Dodge City Community College and is set to graduate and move onto college in 2010." Since he's in college, saying he's moving on to college sounds weird. Reword to imply he's moving to a four-year school.
  • Done.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

I'll put this on hold, then double-check the article. The prose does need some work and I can't guarantee a pass just yet. Wizardman 16:11, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

Will re-review in ~18 hours on Sunday. My apologies for the delay. Wizardman 04:38, 30 September 2009 (UTC)

• • No problem.--Giants27(c|s) 01:27, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

After reading it again, I see the occasional spot where it would be helpful if the prose was fine-tuned a bit; as it is it's rather simplistic. I don't see any particular issues though, so I'll pass it as a GA. Wizardman 04:03, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Thanks a lot for the thorough review.--Giants27(c|s) 18:31, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

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