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This article is written in American English, which has its own spelling conventions (color, defense, traveled) and some terms that are used in it (including judicial and penal systems people) may be different or absent from other varieties of English. According to the relevant style guide, this should not be changed without broad consensus.
Although the lead is good, it seems too long according to the length of the actual article, per WP:LEAD. Two paragraphs would be much more appropriate. Try and either trim down the details or write what's there more concisely.
Done Trimmed to two. --Muboshgu (talk) 00:12, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
"McLaughlin, a right-handed pitcher, had a compiled a major league record" needs rewording; "had a compiled a" particularly isn't correct.
"McLaughlin was traded the Minnesota Twins," Should this be "traded to"?
Done Yes, but it's been removed in the trimming. --Muboshgu (talk) 00:12, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
Early life
"He would then go on to attend Los Angeles Valley College." Don't incorrectly mix tenses. This should just be "He went on to attend..." or something similar. Just use the past tense, not the pluperfect or future perfect tenses.
That is hard to know. We may not be able to get that information. --Muboshgu (talk) 00:14, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
Mariners
"That was his only major league appearance that season." Do you have a reference for this?
That is in the game logs of Baseball Reference, listed in the external links. Does it need an inline citation? --Muboshgu (talk) 00:14, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
Inline citations are always best. People don't always know what to look for in external links. Brad78 (talk) 01:32, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
"On August 14, it was reported by The Miami News that McLaughlin was carrying a .357 Magnum when he traveled.[22] It was discovered that he was carrying the weapon when Mariners trainer Gary Nicholson, who taking McLaughlin's bags through airport security, was detained by authorities after the bag set off the metal detector." What's the relevance of this? It seems a bit like trivia, which either needs some context, moving to the section later on, or removing.
Done Removed, doesn't seem relevant at all. --Muboshgu (talk) 00:19, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
"With Seattle that season, McLaughlin compiled a record of 7–7 with a 4.22 with 14 saves, and 74 strikeouts in 47 games, seven starts." Could do with another reference. As does the next paragraph.
Later career
"With the Indians that season, McLaughlin went 1–0 with a 1.26 ERA, and nine strikeouts in six games, one of which was a start." Needs a reference.
"When ask what it felt like to be back in the majors, McLaughlin responded," Presumbaly "when asked"?
"McLaughlin would go on to comment" Should be "went on to comment"
Done "McLaughlin commented..." --Muboshgu (talk) 00:19, 14 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
"However, McLaughlin continued to play in the California minor league system, and even returned to the majors in September.[32] In the minors that year, he played for the Triple-A Edmonton Trappers and the Double-A Beaumont Golden Gators, going a combined 5–4 with a 4.26 ERA in 26 games in 961⁄3 innings pitched. With the Angels, McLaughlin compiled a 2–4 record with a 5.17 ERA, and 45 strikeouts in 16 games, seven of which were starts." Needs referencing.
Later life
Numbers above 10 should be spelled out in numbers.
One deadlink to reference 20 "A's Deck Mariners Again" too.
Generally the article is fine, although a bit stat-heavy. It does, however, need a good prove read to pick up minor grammatical errors, most of which I think I've highlighted above. Once those points, as well as referencing and a few other issues I've pointed out, this should be a pass. I'll put on hold for the time being. Brad78 (talk) 16:43, 3 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
Further comments
"With the Indians that season, McLaughlin went 1–0 with a 1.26 ERA, and nine strikeouts in six games, one of which was a start." Still needs a reference.
As does "In the minors that year, he played for the Triple-A Edmonton Trappers and the Double-A Beaumont Golden Gators, going a combined 5–4 with a 4.26 ERA in 26 games in 961⁄3 innings pitched. With the Angels, McLaughlin compiled a 2–4 record with a 5.17 ERA, and 45 strikeouts in 16 games, seven of which were starts."
The deadlink reference hasn't been fixed or changed.
Otherwise, will be a pass when they're fixed. Brad78 (talk) 14:52, 21 January 2011 (UTC)Reply
b (citations to reliable sources): 
b (appropriate use with suitable captions): 
