Talk:Xin Fengxia

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Xin Fengxia/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 15:58, 3 April 2016 (UTC)

Third on my "to review" list. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 15:58, 3 April 2016 (UTC)

Comments

• "the dominant style of the opera." Vague phrasing

Changed to "one of the most important styles", which is what the cited source says. I saw another source that says it's considered the most important style, but can't locate it right now.

• "She studied painting with her godfather" the second part of this sentence makes it seem like she studied writing with her husband, which I assume you do not mean.

That is what I mean. Her husband taught her to read and write.

• Add something from the "Legacy" section to the lead.

Done.

• Although one can easily tell by clicking on the hyperlink, I would say "Suzhou, Jiangsu, China" for clarity of understanding.

Done.

• Why is "Netease" a reliable source?

Netease runs one of the biggest internet news portals in China, alongside Sohu and Sina. And according to the page, the article was first published on the People's Daily.

• "controlled by gangsters" be more specific if possible

The source does not mention any specific gangs. In China back then theatre was closely associated with prostitution, and both were controlled by criminal gangs.

• Why is older sister in quotation marks?

Because she was not her real sister, but women in the same theatre troupe commonly called each other sisters. I can change it to "older colleague", but the source uses "sister".

• "her fame had rivalled well known female stars" in what way? Be more specific. Also, just letting you know that spelling "rivaled" in that manner is a British spelling.

It's supposed to mean that her fame was on a par with the famous, established stars. I generally follow Canadian spelling, which may seem like a hybrid of American and British spellings.

• You don't have to say "Xin herself". You can just write "Xin"

Deleted "herself".

• "her professed fans" Rather awkward wording.

Deleted "professed".

• You never stated that she moved to Hong Kong.

She never lived in Hong Kong, but her husband did and then returned to Beijing. I reworded the sentence to make it clearer.

• "They married that year..." Rephrase for flow. May I suggest "They married that year, despite the fact that they were from differing socioeconomic backgrounds; she had no formal education and was nearly illiterate, while he was from a prominent family of scholars."

Thanks for the suggestion. Rephrased.

• "The good time did not last." This sentence is extremely informal and the article could work just as well without it, so I would remove it.

Removed.

• Do we have a title of the memoir?

She wrote several memoirs, published together in four volumes as Xin Fengxia's Collected Memoirs. An abridged English translation has been published as The Memoirs of Xin Fengxia, which is listed in the "further reading" section. -Zanhe (talk) 04:57, 23 April 2016 (UTC)

• Why is "cultural-china.com" reliable?

Cultural-China.com is a non-profit website operated by the Shanghai News and Press Bureau, part of the Shanghai Municipal Government. See "about us".

• I assume you are either a native speaker of Chinese or are fluent in it. If so, I'm accepting your translation and interpretation of what the sources have to say AGF.

Yes, I speak Chinese at a native level.

@Zanhe: That's all I have for this article. Sorry for the delay. :) Looking at the other article that I have picked up for review, there are some similar phrasing issues. If any of my comments here carry over to that article as well, please fix that as well. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 01:18, 19 April 2016 (UTC)

@Johanna: Thanks for your detailed review. I've replied to all your points above and copyedited the article accordingly. Please let me know if you have more concerns. -Zanhe (talk) 04:57, 23 April 2016 (UTC)

@Zanhe: Wonderful job! Pass. 23:58, 23 April 2016 (UTC)