Talk:Shaneel Lal

Tidy up needed

Good work, but please have a read of MOS:SURNAME and then edit the article accordingly. Schwede66 09:27, 17 November 2021 (UTC)

And may I please check that the photo, which also appears in this magazine, was taken by you? Schwede66 09:34, 17 November 2021 (UTC)

Hello, Schwede. Thank you for your feedback. User Pokelova has since made edits and tidied up the article. I have made minor grammar edits. Johnking121 22:10, 29 November 2021 (NZT)

To expand a little on what I said in my edit summary, I feel that there may be issues with WP:Tone in particular. --Pokelova (talk) 09:56, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

What about my photo query? Schwede66 16:54, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

Hi Schwede66, not sure if you need to consider tagging the cropped version of Shaneel you created on Wikimedia. I nominated the original for deletion because of probable copyright violation. Johnking121 and their sockpuppet Simplysimone are now blocked for sock-puppetry. Perhaps if the original is deleted, your variant is deleted automatically too? Zenomonoz (talk) 21:09, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

Hello, Schwede. I believe that the photo used on Pantograph is a different photo but it is a part of the same album as the photo used here. It should be listed under Niu Creative and I own the rights to use the photo. Pokelova, I will look at the tone. Thank you. Johnking121 10:37, 30 November 2021 (NZT)

Hello Pokelova, I have edited the tone of this article to give it a more neutral and formal structure. Is there anything else I should add, edit or remove? Thanks a lot. Johnking121 13:13, 2 December 2021 (NZT)

This is a weird read. I can't decide if it comes across more as a (very) thinly veiled autobiography or the treatise of a devoted and slightly obsessed follower compelled to sing the glowing praises of their peerless idol. 2407:7000:930D:B168:44F8:32DB:A17:635E (talk) 10:00, 15 February 2023 (UTC)

agreed.Wainuiomartian (talk) 16:17, 3 April 2023 (UTC)

Cleanup templates

I have added two templates on the tone/puffery in this article, and the excessive detail or trivial content (see WP:SIGCOV). There are too many examples to cite all of them, however some include:

• "Lal made history in 2023 by becoming the first transgender person to win an award" in the opening, a clear example of WP:PUFF
• There are an excessive number of sentences like: "Vogue magazine published an online article in celebration of Lal's efforts to ban conversion therapy in New Zealand"" and "VIVA described Lal as a "passionate changemaker who is the powerful voice of a generation.".
• "Lal confronted anti-queer Christian protestors and told them that "God will never forgive you," leading to national outrage at the protestors" – this fails WP:VER at the source. The article says nothing of "national outrage".
• Having a section on "advocacy and community work"? Probably can be trimmed and probably migrated under a 'biography' or 'activism' heading.
• The "Lal's role in the campaign to ban conversion therapy" should also be migrated under an 'activism' heading. It is excessively detailed/long, and a lot of the sentences do not match the content in the sources.
• Including that Laal is a "trustee of Adhikaar Aotearoa" is not necessary in the opening sentence. This isn't a CV, the opening is to summarise the most important parts of the Wiki article.

Plenty of other content is not encyclopaedic nor notable. Laal is a journalist, they write columns. It is not appropriate to cite every one of Laal's columns as Wikipedia content. Keep it balanced. It's a good start but it needs to be trimmed back a lot. Also refer to WP:BLP for guidelines on writing articles on living persons. Zenomonoz (talk) 04:44, 12 August 2023 (UTC)

Thanks @Zenomonoz. This page has long irritated me for how it read like a CV. I've worked to improve the page a bit, but it could use even a tighter edit. I think the conversion prohibition can be left as it's own section as it is what their primarily known for. Nauseous Man (talk) 07:39, 12 August 2023 (UTC)

Your most recent edit to clean up this page is excellent. Zenomonoz (talk) 07:47, 12 August 2023 (UTC)

Inaccurate information.

Shaneel Lal did not organise the rallies against Posie Parker in March. The Wellington Rally was organised by Queer Endurance/Defiance (QED) and the Auckland rally was organised by the Trans Liberation Alliance (TLA). Shaneel is not affiliated with either of these groups and later took credit in media when all they had done was share posts from the actual organisers on social media. 130.195.253.0 (talk) 06:44, 21 September 2023 (UTC)

I believe you are referring to this sentence: "In 2023, Lal helped organise a counter-protest of a women's rights rally organised by the British anti-transgender activist Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull in Auckland."

From this sentence, I would also like to remove the phrase "women's rights." Keen-Minshull doesn't even identify as a feminist (see the lede of her Wikipedia article). She calls her rallies "Let Women Speak," but "women's rights" is not a neutral descriptor in this context, as the purpose of the rallies is transphobia. Tuckerlieberman (talk) 00:29, 27 November 2023 (UTC)

Sure, you can align the text with whatever is reported on in the sources WP:RS. Zenomonoz (talk) 00:36, 27 November 2023 (UTC)

Copyright photo

The current article uses an image uploaded by Johnking121 which claims it is their ‘own work’ however, a Vogue article clearly shows this image is from the same series of photos done by Bianca Leilua/Niu Creative. Zenomonoz (talk) 02:10, 25 September 2023 (UTC)

Sockpuppet cleanup

Creator of this page Johnking121 has been blocked for Sockpuppetry with simplysimone: here. Editors should consider cleaning this page up further for its inappropriate use of Lal’s own columns. Zenomonoz (talk) 17:51, 25 September 2023 (UTC)