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A fact from Percy Glading appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 22 January 2019 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
I will get to this shortly. Catrìona (talk) 21:53, 2 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
Thanks, as ever, Catrìona appreciate the thorough review. Sorry it was such a slog: I got distracted, shall we say. Anyway, here you are. Having addressed all your suggestions, you'll see that I've implemented most :) ——SerialNumber54129 20:18, 4 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
Better late than never I guess, Catrìona, I've addressed your points—suggestions—criticisms, generally agreeing with you as I went. Thanks for the thoroughity, too! ——SerialNumber54129 17:16, 22 December 2018 (UTC)Reply
played a leading role in the CPGB cut this, it's entailed by the next clause
Gone.
Remove the citation, this should be supported by citations in the body
What, the footnote?
Yes, it's usually considered best style either to cite everything in the lede or nothing, or at least that was what I was told in a the GA review of Prague uprising.
A fine article too, and not to be argued with. Moved.
when he married, his wife joined him in these activities Does she have a name?
Elizabeth, fair play to her.
the government of the day had an active—if unofficial—policy of dismissing from government work those it saw as subversive Could be rephrased to be much shorter, such as "the government dismissed those suspected of subversive activities" or "leftist sympathies"
I've stolen your phrasing, as I'm sure I will do frequently!
OGPU/NKVD I would add an explanation that these are acronyms for the Soviet secret police
"a vast military-industrial complex that supplied weapons and munitions to the Army and Royal Navy." Attribute in-text or, better yet, rephrase.
This was an extensive government-run military-industrial complex supplying weapons and munitions to the Army and Royal Navy...?
In 1914 he was involved in a stoppage against blackleg working at the arsenal is "blackleg working" correct? I'm not familiar with the terminology.
It wikilinks to strikebreaker; it was (in fact is) British slang. Like scab. But strikebreakers would be fine if you think the others are too colloquial.
I think it would be clearer to use a better-known term.
trend of forced redundancies for ideological reasons I would paraphrase this into the text as something like "began to lay off employees suspected of socialist sympathies". Otherwise, it should be attributed.
Rephrased.
more sinister cadre according to whom? Attribute in text
MI5; attributed.
By the late 1930s, the OGPU, and from 1934 its successor agency the NKVD, were active in Britain contradictory chronology
Absolutely: It's probably a typo for the 1920s, as of course, the Arcos scandal was in 1927. In any case, rephrased, more accurately, to From the late 1920s, the OGPU—and from 1934 its successor agency the NKVD—were active in Britain.
best man[3] witness Is this British usage? I would have said "... best man at the wedding."
Heh, not British usage, crap usage :) you're absolutely correct.
smart watch Use a different adjective. "Smart" is editorializing, and most people will think of a different kind of smart watches.
Of course, James Bond style; an expensive-looking watch?
Who is Marjorie? Personally, I would cut the quote.
Well, you know; this whole bloody thing is an ~8,000-word dirge in a damnably dull period of Brit social history, and frankly this is one of the very few human elements I could find! Although I've clarified who Marjorie (Brewer) was just before.
Glading was recruited into the Comintern through his CPGB activities.[18] He was elected onto the Central Committee of the CPGB. this is a bit of a non-sequitur. I would recommend focusing on his CPGB activities first, and then seguing into espionage.
Cut, and moved to the end of the section, by which time he's been recruited.
post 1926 general strike self-analysis recommend "self-analysis after the 1926 general strike"
Agree with rewriting that, in fact, the whole 2 or 3 sentences. I prefer Glading was elected onto the CPGB's Central Committee in January 1927. Politically, he was on the leftwing of the Committee following the 1926 general strike and the Party's subsequent period of self-reflection; what say ye?
Better, but there should be a space between left and wing ("leftwing" is an adjective. The noun is "left wing.")
Glading was not just a party trade unionist and shop steward,[28] but printed and distributed the CPGB's paper, Soldier's Voice. unnecessary editorializing. Just "Glading was A, B, and C."
Right: I've tweaked that and the following sentence to keep the trade unionism altogether.
Kirchenstein circle should this be redlinked?
Good idea: It surely should be an article sooner rather than later...hold that thought :)
"the many diplomatic, political and security concerns" attribute or rephrase. I don't know what "concerns" is supposed to mean.
Yes; slightly turgid. Tighter now?
"conduit for the Comintern in the early part of his career." attribute
To Quinlan.
Through his CPGB activities Glading had by now been recruited into the Comintern,[1] and through whom all espionage reports travelled to Moscow and to whom all funds were sent for distribution. Fix the grammatical errors in the second part of this sentence. Also, what exactly does it mean to be "recruited into the Comintern"? As far as I know, the Comintern was a political organization that did a lot besides spy.
Well, yeah, it was the Communist International so did plenty...It was a dumbass sentence, so just "a spy for Russia", eh?
It is, isn't it? Do you think the trial and the conspiracy should have separate articles, then?
No, I should have been more clear. I meant that it should be linked separately in the note and the main article text.
Ah, OK.
as part of the traditional CPGB policy of promoting revolution in Britain's colonies Is the word "traditional" necessary?
No; they'd only existed for ~5 years, so it can't have been much of a tradition!
"paid Comintern agitator" according to whom?
Glading was, it appears,[weasel words] unimpressed by the efforts of the Indian Communist Party to organise the workers.
Removed.
Strike Committees what are these?
They are usually sub-committees of a trade union branch or chapter, specifically to coordinate strike action, particularly organising things like the location and manning (sorry) of picket lines, propaganda before and during the strike (adverts, leaflets, etc), food, warmth and shelter for the pickets (particularly in drawn-out struggles), and legal defence and solidarity campaigns where necessary. In fact, I note that Strike committee redirects to the National Strike Committee of Belarus, but I don't think that should be the primary topic for something as local, yet international, as this. So I have nominated the redirect for deletion and it should become a redlink. For future blueing.
Glading obtained for Gray employment as Pollitt's secretary I would simplify the syntax here.
On his return in 1927 I assume you mean Glading's return to Britain, but you should be more specific
Tweaked that sentence.
Paragraph starting with Back at Woolwich Arsenal, he again took up his post as an examiner in the naval ordnance department. should neither be one sentence long, nor as long as it is now. Recommend splitting.
Done.
Hyphens are used only if the adjective precedes the noun, so a short-lived career but his was short lived. Also, they aren't used with adverbs, such as "politically".
In fact, its activities were not confined to just intelligence gathering. cut this sentence, unnecessary
Done.
On the surface it was a trading organisation. In reality, though, its primary purpose was to collect intelligence from the technological and scientific sectors of British industry for Moscow. Consider rewording or combining these sentences. In particular, it isn't clear whether it was functioned as a company and gathered intelligence on the side, or whether its trading activities were just a sham/front and it was mainly funded by Moscow, rather than business.
Clarified: It was a Russian government outfit, but primarily to trade oil, with spying being only a secondary benefit.
again incognito, under the name James Brownlie
Done.
Glading's obituary actually[editorializing] makes no mention of the Lenin School, merely[editorializing] reporting that he spent "a year in the Soviet Union where he witnessed the great agrarian changeover from individual petty-bourgeoise holdings to collective farming." attribute quote
Rm editorials, + Rajani Palme Dutt.
Currently, you only give Dutt's full name and link on the fourth mention. He should get that treatment on the first occurrence.
He has received The Full Treatment.
number 23, Great Ormond Street vs. 16, King Street I'm not familiar with UK address styles, but be consistent
In this position he was what is termed in the espionage industry's nomenclature as a cut-out Cut the excess verbiage and explain what a cut-out is. Something like, "He served as a cut-out, communicating information between agents."
He maintained regular contact with the CPGB head office at 16, King Street, in London's Covent Garden, and visited in person regularly seems duplicative
The KGB's own files (file number837) Is the file number necessary here?
I've removed it for now, pending doing some work on it; it might be possible to expand what the KGB's files said of Glading. Possibly a footnote.
Whereas his agents were mostly employed, Glading was not; not only did he not have a cover story, but he never organised one. Simplify to something like "Unlike most Soviet agents, Glading did not have a cover job; nor did he organise a cover story."
Right.
At 32o millimetres typo?
Indeed! 32 mm.
He was to be both "well-informed about its arrival [at Woolwich] and prompt in obtaining it." quotation not necessary here. Something like: "Glading's mission was to report on the gun's arrival at Wolwich and obtain an example." Was he also supposed to get ahold of plans for it?
Tweaked the sentence; will get back to you on what that particular source says.
This is perfectly possible editorializing
which saw Britain, France, Italy and Russia deadlock dispute proposed access to the Black Sea with Turkey "Russia" did not exist at this time. They deadlocked during negotiations, which automatically implies a dispute.
Thinking that Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic was a bit of a mouthful; still, I've recast the prose.
claiming that Russian re-armament made the Royal Navy look a "mere bagatelle."[according to whom?] What is a bagetelle anyway?
Ah, according to the unfortunately-named Hoare. For bagatelles, mere and otherwise, [1].
Well, human interest, and all; however, it doesn't need a quote to say "went to a pub", so reworded.
"implicit threats to Soviet security being revealed at Montreux and Southampton." You should explain this—I don't understand how this is revealing Soviet security threats, and what "Southampton" is supposed to mean in this context
Yes, that was slightly convoluted. Recast.
Glading vouchsafed for Maly and Deutsch to Klugman Unnecessary, stated in next two sentences. Also, who are Maly, Deutsch, and Klugman?
Ditt.
It was not for "several years" years before Gray discovered his spying, however. simplify, eg "Gray did not discover his spying for several years". 2 duplicated words is not considered close paraphrasing.
I've moved it to another section; it hung, rather, there.
Why are there quotes in the the quoteboxes? Also, you should attribute using the |source= parameter.
That's the |quoted= parameter; added attribution.
Note 24—how is this relevant?
Weellll you know; human interest. Background. Context...
The MI5 mole, Olga Gray—whom Glading had first encountered when she joined the LAI in 1932[16]——had assisted Glading in his purchase of the ground-floor flat at 82, Holland Road, West London, in 1937; I would leave out the —clause—, because Gray has already been mentioned in the article, and the sentence is complicated enough as it is.
Indeed it is; I've moved bits elsewhere where they sit better and got rid of others.
On 11 October 1937, Glading instructed Gray to replace the gateleg table with a refectory table something is very wrong with the citations after this sentence. (also, wlinking will automatically capitalize the first word, so refectory table links correctly)
Ah yes, the visual editor total **** up, in which—quoting a WMF staffer—sfn is not supported, and won't be...anyway, sorted now.
During their tenure in London... this para is very confusing. I'm not sure whether some of the codenames are unidentified or linked to the named individuals. Also, did Peters change gender?
Have recast some of this. Better? No, he didn't ;) '...
Glading had brought Peters brought to the flat vet her. there is a grammar error and I'm not quite sure what you intended to say
...in any case, have removed the line as interrupting the flow.
the English network of spies suggest "Soviet spy network in England"; you make it sound like they're spying for England!
Ha! Have borrowed that.
occasionally he[who?] would spend hours in the flats
Recast the sentence, tighter and shorter.
he had brought a "salubrious" new build in South Harrow what is "salubrious" housing? I think "new build" is unnecessarily colloquial and/or regional; just "new development". Also, you presumably mean "bought".
Until their replacements arrived presumably the Brandes, but it would help to be explicit. You can drop since the departure of the Brandes
Agree to both.
West & Tsarev 1999, p. 126; West & Tsarev 1999, p. 281. You can cite non-contiguous pages as follows:[2]
That's extremely helpful, thanks very much.
Yet some of Gray's report suggests that his approach to such specialised work bordered on the absurd. Editorializing? If the author has stated this, it should be attributed.
Well, it's the point he's making, although in subtler language; so I've recast the sentence to more accurately reflect that.
Glading's operations within the Arsenal were extremely risky, due to its high-security status. But he no longer had the Russians supporting him and this—combined with his own impatience—increased his chances of capture. Suggest moving "his own impatience" to the previous sentence, if this is a pre-existing condition? But implies some sort of contrast, which does not exist here.
"Glading's operations within the Arsenal were extremely risky, due to its high-security status and his own impatience. He no longer had the Russians supporting him which increased his chances of capture", ok?
This the CPGB seem to have attempted. cut
Doe, exc. moved CPGB to clarify which secretariat.
MI5 knew... MI5 knew repetitive
How bout "MI5 knew of Glading's interest in the fourteen-inch heavy naval gun that was now in production at the Royal Arsenal, and also that Whomack was removing the blueprints..."?
Meeting another man in the public lavatory, Meeting Charles Munday... ?
Olga Gray was, after a seven-year operation, almost personally responsible for Glading's eventually arrest How is she almost personally responsible? Presumably she was ordered to help arrest him.
Redux to "Olga Gray, after a seven-year operation, set Glading up for arrest"—it was her phone calls, I think.
This Glading—"with no alibi"—was in no position to explain suggest cutting this sentence. It's already been said that he no longer worked at the Arsenal, so he has no reason to have the blueprints.
and on a spool of film, a copy of a 1925 military textbook on explosives suggest: "a copy of a 1925 military textbook on explosives on film"
Tweaked.
Also found was a diary. This—"cryptic, though decipherable"—revealed that, perhaps as Williams had feared, Glading was "less than thorough" in his tradecraft. Cut editorializing. Wikipedia readers can figure out that keeping a diary on one's illegal activities is careless.
Quite! :)
a fellow NKVD agent Cut. Pretty obvious and not terribly relevant
Struck.
Also found was photographic film of a book called Manual of Explosives, is this the same 1925 textbook mentioned above?
Yeeees, I think it must be. I've moved the detail in the second mention to the first mention^^^
This was found by Chief Inspector Birch of Scotland Yard, who later "melodramatically described to the press how, using his "powerful little microscope," he found a clear impression of Glading's "nasty little fingers"." suggest cutting this sentence or shortening it to: "Chief Inspector Birch found the fingerprints with a microscope, as he later told the press" (also, what is Birch's full name?)
Done that, thanks. Hennessey and Thomas do emphasise the melodrama of Birch's testimony, though (like a penny shocker); I did omit the bit where he described her "dainty ankles" :) Unfortunately, I've not managed to find his first name(s); H&T are the only reference to him at all, and they just use title+surname.
all five counts Could you be more clear in this paragraph specifically what legal charges these five counts were?
This was at least partially due to the professional behaviour of the Crown's main witness, Olga Gray. A defence barrister later conceded that meant they were unable to raise doubt or question her credibility. I think we've already established that Gray was the key witness, how about "The defence was unable to question Gray's credibility due to her professional behavior on the stand".
This was in stark contrast to the prosecution, which consisted of some of the most well-known advocates of the day, led by Donald Somervell, the previous sentence focuses more on Gray than the defence, so I would not contrast them so explicitly
I would make this a Level-3 heading, because it is really about the aftermath of the trial. Then promote "Later life" to a level-2 header. (You could consider promoting Trial to a Level-2 as well).
Yep, I'll give that a go; I don't mind playing with headings.
You can simplify the first sentence by dropping "infinite" and "what has been termed"
Struck.
It also, though, for the first time, Suggest "The case exposed..." If the CPGB/Soviet connection had already been known, it wouldn't have been an exposure. I would also move this sentence later in the paragraph; it segues nicely into It also had the negative consequence (for the service) of reinforcing the erroneous notion that it the CPGB was the most dangerous security threat of the period
And done, cheers.
In the context of Robert Cecil's Manchester United / Corinthian Casuals analogy, MI5's success in breaking up Glading's cell has been compared to a home draw for the latter against the former. I don't understand this sentence
Ah, that's because it's in totally the wrong place. I've moved it into the following paragraph where the metaphor is explained :)
I just spent an hour looking for the info...it turns out that, when I added the Springhall material back in May...I also added the "cn" tag. So no idea what I was thinking of now; I've struck the whole thing.
"Soviet moles and secret communists could be recruited into the governing class from British universities was not considered as a plausible possibility in the 1930s. where does this quotation end? Also, if you're going to include it, mention the consequences.
Fixed the quote, also clarified the C5...wonder if I could put it better?
However, this seems to be[editorializing] far from the truth. He appears to[editorializing] have returned to party work as an industrial organiser on his release from prison in 1944.
John Mahon makes a tantalising[editorializing] reference to Glading's wartime activity.
Glading's obituary does, singularly, omit all mention of his spying activities, merely stating, somewhat disingenuously,[editorializing] that on his return from Russia, Glading "was engaged until his retiral in trade union activities."
There are five references to his obituary in the text. Why is it important what his obituary did or did not say about him, when it is demonstrably unreliable?
Well, I re/moved one, as it was misleading, but it's it's certainly useful for things like his date of death (which is, literally, no where else), and also for demonstrating the CP's point of view on his activies, which the reader will doubtless draw from.
I'm not usually picky about duplicate links, but this article has a lot of them. I suggest you run a duplink detector (such as the one in my common.js) and get rid of them. Also you don't always link on the first occurrence, for instance Olga Grey in the background section.
I have that too; be advised, it's not always as thorough or accurate as you may wish/assume. I had to run it three times before it stopped showing new links, and that's a regular occurrence. Even so, I think that's caught them, Gray too—the tool highlights links that are later repeated.
Per MOS:LQ, the full stop should usually be outside the quotation.
Done.
described as "cryptic, though decipherable" —revealed that Glading was "less than thorough"— still need to attribute these in text or drop them. Personally, I would recommend "Although the diary was vague and cryptic, investigators were able to decipher many of the entries". Readers can judge for themselves if keeping a diary is a good idea for a spy.
If...I link this name, wouldn't I then, for consistency, be expected to link authors' names too?
It's best to link author's names, but I am not picky about that. However, wlinking in this case establishes that it is an established website and it is reasonable to assume there is no source fabrication.
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