Talk:Mary Jo Kilroy

2006 campaign issues

A couple of things:

• The "Issues" section that someone has added needs sources, else it should be removed.
• If we are going to have an issues section, I think it is worthy of note that unlike her opponent, Kilroy did not complete her NPAT for Project Vote Smart.
• FactCheck has an article debunking a GOP add concerning Kilroy's position on taxes. Might be worth incorporating into the article.

-MrFizyx 07:14, 25 October 2006 (UTC)

GA Reassessment

This discussion is transcluded from Talk:Mary Jo Kilroy/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the reassessment.

The article is outdated and does not have a comprehensive and broad coverage of her Congressional career or any other facts within the last two years. The article lacks information on her voting record and/or the bills she has supported or sponsored and it lacks the same comprensive structure for the time since she was elected that was used when the article attained GA status--Joebengo (talk) 19:54, 10 June 2010 (UTC)

No improvements made since this review began, so it is being delisted.--Joebengo (talk) 20:08, 28 June 2010 (UTC)

GAC renom

Following the delisting above, I have renominated her bio with all the articles mentioning her in The New York Times, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report and Time Magazine since her election.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:10, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Mary Jo Kilroy/GA3. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: RIPGC (talk) 02:23, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

GA Checklist

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it well written?

   A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

   almost yes with a few corrections

   B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:

2. Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?

   A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

   B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):

   C. It contains no original research:

   D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

   B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):

4. Is it neutral?

   It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:

5. Is it stable?

   It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:

6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

comments (break added for ease of editing

Comments: Just a few corrections are needed.

• In the lead, there is mention of a litmus test but the lead is a summary of the article. I did not see a referenced mention of the litmust test.
  • Revised.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:41, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
• Under career, it is awkward to mention her law firm twice.
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:47, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
• See if she really did not run to be with her family or did the press think that was an excuse.
  • I do not have the resources to research this issue any further.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:07, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
• Under congressional career, it can be original research to pick and choose which bills she voted for. More significant would be the bills she introduced or if she were the lone or one of the few votes to vote against the majority of her party. Otherwise, in every Congresswoman's or Senator's article, you would mention if they voted to go to war with Germany in 1941.
  • I get your point, but for a junior legislator with little legislative track record (little to put in this section) it is probably a decent placeholder set of votes. Look at what the section would look like without it.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:50, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
• Under the 2008 election, there is undue weight (paragraph) about the types of late ballots. Try to collapse this into text or consider whether it is pertinent.
  • Collapsed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:58, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
• Consider whether it is original research to say that the county was one of the best managed when she was just a member.
  • The paragraph offers praise and criticism/controversy. I think it is balanced.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:00, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

In general, this article is in decent shape and needs a few improvements to get GA. RIPGC (talk) 02:23, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

I am ready to pass the article. However, I ask that you fix the references so that they are all the same format. Many are similar. I think the prose for the congressional career is a bit weak. I am also uncomfortable with the original research like decision to pick and choose which votes she voted for but I want you to get the recognition of a GA so I will not insist. RIPGC (talk) 03:24, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

I overhauled the refs.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 04:08, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

A list of some of the ones in a different format are in Tony's user talk page. Ok, I can see why #2 is different but look at the later ones. Sorry to be so picky but references are considered by others to be very important. RIPGC (talk) 03:08, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

You seem to have forgotten to include them on my talk page. The would be better suited right here on this page, however.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:44, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

copied from Tony's page....You missed a few. 88 87 75 74 64? 63 54 41

88 87 75 74 seemed to need fixing. The rest looked O.K.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:57, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

Is 2 a blog? Who posted it? RIPGC (talk) 04:29, 5 July 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by RIPGC (talk • contribs)

• I perceive it as a summary about the candidate by the U.S. News & World Report staff.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 14:41, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

(Moved from my user talk page) Can you go over it very carefully? There are some areas that could be worded better. One place mentions "Congressional Bill". Bill is a name but bill is a proposed law. Reference 82 is an editorial but people get flak for using editorials since you can always fine one for and one against almost anything. Some sentences are missing a comma.

I have tweaked the Bill text and added about a half dozen commas.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:32, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I am also concerned that you are picking and choosing which votes she voted on. If this is done for other politicians, the length would overwhelm the article.

Look throught the edit history. The only bill I mentioned was the one mentioned in The New York Times. Like I said on the talk page, I have exhausted all content from The New York Times, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report and Time Magazine. If you want we can remove the first paragraph from that section.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 07:41, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

The choice of topics is odd. Why mention the Sierra Club? Are they more important than the Cincinnati Enquirer? There are many other areas that the article is ok or a little better. Is it good?

The Sierra Club was the only notable endorsement I could find in the newsbank service that I had access to at the time I wrote the first version of this article. I do not have access to the Enquirer at this time.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 07:45, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Try to improve it. Rather than say she has a short congressional career, why not outline her life then see how the article compares with the outline. How has the local paper covered her? I've asked another user to help. I see that you are in a contest and I want you to win! RIPGC (talk) 06:24, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I am fairly certain that nothing notable is missing from before her election to congress. I no longer have access to the local Ohio newspaper newsbank, however.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 07:49, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

second reviewer comments

I agree that this is "almost" there. Tony, please check again for consistency of caps. Vice Presidency should be capitalized if we're referring to the office Joe Biden holds--same with Presidency if we're referring to the other one. School board presidency. Etc. There are a number of awkward moments, and a few npov (I took one out in the lead). Some could be left in, with additional explication: for example, while she won by a substantially improved margin, but so what? How do your sources explain that, or what do they make of that? Pictures need dates, especially the one in front of the veterans monument in Columbus. There is also a lot of jargon that needs to be linked or explained to non-US readers, to whom much of this system is incomprehensible. There was also one place where the punctuation came after the citation; I couldn't fix it without an edit conflict with you. auntieruth (talk) 15:21, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I tried fixing the caps.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:50, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

I added dates--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:50, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

Not sure what you mean about improved margin.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 16:50, 13 July 2010 (UTC)

well it's obvious that she won by a substantially improved margin, but what did the reporter say this meant? Is this indicative, for example, of a sea change in the voter attitudes? Was it anti-Republican party response?  ??? So what? Was it a better campaign, new campaign manager, more funds? To what did the reporters attribute her substantially improved margin? auntieruth (talk) 20:33, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

She got elected in the Obama Democratic surge. I don't see articles linking her to the surge directly.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:02, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

• The review seems to have stopped in the past couple weeks. What's the status on the reviewer's end, is it ready for passing or final changes? Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:46, 8 August 2010 (UTC)
  • The reviewer has been blocked.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 18:23, 10 August 2010 (UTC)
    • In that case I'll take over. Reading it now. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:35, 12 August 2010 (UTC)

Here's the issues I found:

• "Kilroy was one of the four candidates to receive the endorsement of the Franklin County Democratic Party." It says earlier there were 18 candidates; were there four that got endorsements? Should say one of four then.
  • Fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear}
• "In her re-election she won by a 28,500 margin, which was substantially more than the 4,300 margin" # vote margin in both cases.
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:23, 13 August 2010 (UTC)
• "After regular ballots were counted, Pryce led Kilroy by over 3,500 votes..." This paragraph should probably come last to make it chronological; at first I thought she was trying to bring in conservative voters after the election, which I'm pretty sure is wrong.
  • Moved.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:20, 13 August 2010 (UTC)
• Any information on any debates in the 2008 election? They were pretty detailed in the 06 section but nothing here.
  • I have added policy issues to the campaign.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:18, 14 August 2010 (UTC)
• Punctuation goes before reference tags; this is a problem in the Congressional career section.
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:18, 13 August 2010 (UTC)

I'll place the article on hold and pass it when the issues are fixed. Not too much left to fix, should be pretty quick. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:19, 13 August 2010 (UTC)

Everything looks good now, so I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 01:50, 15 August 2010 (UTC)

Lede and general tone

I'll leave it as is, but here are my thoughts: I don't think it's appropriate to have half the lede of a sitting U.S. Representative consist of her campaign/election history, as imo it trivializes the actual job. Since she hasn't been in office long, a summary of her previous work experience is appropriate. A summary of what she's accomplished might also be appropriate. Some include a geographical description of the District. Anyone interested in campaign history can simply scroll down. It's simply a matter of weight and emphasis: what's really important about someone who's a sitting U.S. Representative. Flatterworld (talk) 15:40, 27 October 2010 (UTC)

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Assessment comment

The comment(s) below were originally left at Talk:Mary Jo Kilroy/Comments, and are posted here for posterity. Following several discussions in past years, these subpages are now deprecated. The comments may be irrelevant or outdated; if so, please feel free to remove this section.

Comment(s)

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;Comments Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article. Each time she's tried for an office should at least be mentioned. How is it now?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:18, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Please add {{persondata}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information. O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:42, 24 December 2008 (UTC) As per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), dates shouldn't use th; Septemer 11, not September 11th Is that from an auto peer review. The only ordinal numbers I found related to the Congressional districts.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:16, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Though I do like those, I remember removing a few while writing this. I found the other one. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:33, 24 December 2008 (UTC) That was a ref that you asked me to reformat. It was going to go anyways.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:37, 24 December 2008 (UTC) In all honesty I could have done my remarks better. I saw this was up for GA and started jotting down things, even if I corrected some errors listed I didn't want to remove them in case I missed one because I didn't look at anything too hard. Once you feel something has gone void feel free to trash the comment. The hidden comments should be dealt with one way or another. I ususally prefer to leave the removed text in comments rather than delete them. I removed them at your request though.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:58, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Please don't do anything at my request you think would be wrong to do. I just wasn't sure if the text could be incorporated or not. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:49, 25 December 2008 (UTC) Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a. The statement: Cleveland, Ohio (actually Euclid, Ohio), she was either born or Cleveland or she wasn't. O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:16, 24 December 2008 (UTC) All references should have the same format. I'd recommend the use of WP:CIT O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:35, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Would it be possible to specify what she did to work through college? Did she work as a counselor at a high school, at a rescue home, for the earlier mentioned hospital? Currently the article says "Kilroy paid her way through college, at hospitals, as a waitress and as a counselor". The reference offers no further detail. Where does this resue home topic come from?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:03, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Mostly dust and bits stuck in my head. I just wasn't sure if it went a bit more detailed into her college jobs anywhere, but that doesn't seem too important. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:49, 25 December 2008 (UTC) Kilroy is Roman Catholic. doesn't seem to be the best way to end the personal section. It doesn't flow with everything else, might want to try a transitional phrase or word. I added a word, but I would be willing to remove it and move the citation to the infobox.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:45, 24 December 2008 (UTC) I think that looks better. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:49, 25 December 2008 (UTC) Prior to practicing law, Where did she practice at? It comes three lines later, but I will introduce it here.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:48, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Newsbank should only be linked on its first use; same for the other Publisher='s and Work='s Although in the text we assume that the reader has read a prior link, we do not assume readers read every citation. Thus, I have always repeated links in distinct refs. It seems to be agreed as acceptable.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:52, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Didn't know that. Thanks for the info. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:55, 24 December 2008 (UTC) she decided not to run for re-election to a third term. Does it say why she decided not to run again? Family time.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:03, 24 December 2008 (UTC) Please try to keep <ref> spacing the same some instances had a double space before and after the syntax resulting in too many spaces. Also, watch spacing in general; there were/are instances of double-spaces between words in sentences. Not sure what this means.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:06, 24 December 2008 (UTC) The external links can be converted to {{cite web}} I think I caught the four odd refs in a prior issue above.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:54, 24 December 2008 (UTC) I found an almost-automated way to double check spacing. When you're finished I'll see how the script goes. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 05:15, 24 December 2008 (UTC) All that I have left to do is expand the lead, so you can run your script.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:05, 24 December 2008 (UTC) As I was typing this I did some minor copyedits so some of the comments above may have been fixed. But I didn't look too hard into it while I was editing it. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:48, 23 December 2008 (UTC) Wow everything looks  Done. Good luck with the GAR. §hep • ¡Talk to me! 04:49, 25 December 2008 (UTC) I do not understand your message. What do you mean good luck with GAR. Are you talking about WP:GAR.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:19, 26 December 2008 (UTC) Ah, this is a much better read then I remember it, well done. I just have a couple more irks: "Kilroy paid her way through college, at hospitals, as a waitress and as a counselor,[1] earning her bachelor's degree in political science from Cleveland State University in 1977 and her J.D. from The Ohio State University in 1980." This sentence feels run-on-ish. What does "at hospitals" mean in that context? if it's not necessary then removing it would fix the sentence flow issue. Should be good now.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:32, 28 December 2008 (UTC) "Also, Kilroy is Roman Catholic." Very weird flow, makes the paragraph have an 'oh i almost forgot' feeling to the reader, which doesn't work in an encyclopedia. If it's not overly important and the infobox is good enough then remove, if it is important for her try to establish it as such. Removed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:28, 28 December 2008 (UTC) *Numbers 10/ten and under need to be spelled out. (sans dates, %, and money, of course) That's everything I found. Upon completion I'll pass the article. Wizardman 22:08, 26 December 2008 (UTC) Looks good, article is now a GA. Wizardman 05:45, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

Last edited at 22:10, 27 October 2010 (UTC). Substituted at 23:22, 29 April 2016 (UTC)

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