Talk:Garsa Fwip

Latest comment: 2 years ago by SL93 in topic Did you know nomination

GA Review

edit
This review is transcluded from Talk:Garsa Fwip/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Pamzeis (talk · contribs) 14:57, 23 May 2022 (UTC)Reply


I'll take this one on, since it's quite short and been hanging around on the GAN page for a few months now. (DISCLAIMER: I have absolutely no idea who this character is.) Pamzeis (talk) 14:57, 23 May 2022 (UTC)Reply

Oh my goodness, I actually completely forgot about this article ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 15:20, 23 May 2022 (UTC)Reply

Prose

edit
  • in the Star Wars franchise in the Disney+ television — the Star Wars franchise is not in the series? (Like, it's the other way round, if ya know what I mean)
    • I think I fixed it
  • Also, franchise should not be in italics
  • She brings her tribute and loyalty to Boba Fett by filling his helmet with gold. When Krrsantan is fighting the Trandoshans she tries to calm him, but fails. She is later killed after the Pykes blow up The Sanctuary while she is inside. — all these storylines feel really disconnected...
    • You should definitily look over this
  • Beals also did not know what show she was part of — clunky-ish
  • critics even thought that Fwip — "even" seems like original research
    •   Removed
  • he is the person — I know Fwip is a female, but the reader does not know that yet (minus the lead), so it is ambiguous who "he" is
    •   Fixed but check over
  • cousins who have come — not entirely sure about this one but should there be a comma after cousins?
    •   Added... just in case
  • his past as a gladiator telling him — comma after gladiator?
  • Krrsantan does not listen and — but- but I thought Fwip calmed him down? Doesn't make sense to me...
    • I think I   Fixed
  • Watching the whole — the wording seems kinda off to me... maybe "After watching the whole ..."?
    •   Replaced
  • tan skinned → tan-skinned
  • have two lekku, tentacular appendages — as a non...Warsie? What are the Star Wars fandom called? Looking it up doesn't yield anything that is used in particular. Oh, wait, back to the point. As a non-whatever, I'm just confused as heck
    • Man this is hard to describe, but I tried to make it a little better. If you have any thoughts, it is the two thing on the back of her head that go down to her back.
  • back of there heads — is this the wrong there/their/they're or do you mean something else?
  • she got the job for the part — "the job", "the part", kinda clunky, esp. since only one is necessary
  • thought that you could not — addressing the reader is sorta informal...
  • The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas
    •   Removed

Sources

edit
  • What makes GameRant an RS?
    • I asked at WP:RSN a little bit back, and it sounds like it should be used like Screen Rant.

Other

edit
  • Perhaps you can add this to the reception section to balance the praise? Also, any expansions would be appreciated, as it is currently very short.
    •   Added was trying to look for more when you accepted it, but did not find any so thanks for this.

That's all my comments. Article   on hold. Ping me when the comments are resolved. Pamzeis (talk) 14:30, 28 May 2022 (UTC)Reply

@Pamzeis: Well, I think I'm done. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 22:18, 28 May 2022 (UTC)Reply
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Second look

edit
  • She is of the Twi'lek species — is this wording correct? It feels off to me, but I am unsure on how you word species stuff
  • usual Twi'lek as most — comma before as
  • When she arrived on set she said that — the article doesn't say that she said that when she arrived on set
    • It does in the second paragraph in the portrayal section where it says Beals later said that when she got on set she had no clue what show she was part of, but said that she knew it was Star Wars
      ...but the difference between these two is that with the latter, Beals could have said that anytime, while with the former, she has to have said it while she arrived on set
  • explains that they are — who is "they"?
  • With Twi'lek women being considered attractive, Twi'leks are often → Since they are considered attractive, Twi'lek women are often
    •   Replaced

Apologies for the delay; I have been a bit sick as of late. Pamzeis (talk) 03:47, 1 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

@Pamzeis: I am done, and I hope you get well soon. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 23:37, 1 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Third look

edit
  • Make sure everything in #Appearances is in present tense, with the exception of flashbacks/backstories, per MOS:PLOT
  • lacking both" so they called — comma before so

Almost there! Pamzeis (talk) 13:04, 5 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

Alright I think I've fixed the problems. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 18:03, 5 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Fourth look

edit

Great work!   Passing the article! Pamzeis (talk) 07:53, 20 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

Awesome! Thanks for the review. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 13:44, 20 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Did you know nomination

edit
The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by SL93 (talk00:31, 27 July 2022 (UTC)Reply

Improved to Good Article status by Kaleeb18 (talk). Self-nominated at 22:22, 20 June 2022 (UTC).Reply

  • You have six nominations as of today, and though Template:Did you know nominations/Black Krrsantan was approved (and was your 6th nomination) without a QPQ, you need to supply one here and must supply a review for every nomination going forward. (I suspect recent rule changes let that fact slip by the reviewer at Black Krrsantan—we switched from credits to nominations).
  • I see ALT1 was struck by Mandarax and agree as it is entirely in-universe. Added a link and some commas to ALT0, which checks out and is quite intriguing!
  • Earwig catches a long-ish quote and also show titles. There are no textual issues.
The only holdup is the need for a QPQ. If you need advice reviewing another page, let me know. Sammi Brie (she/her • tc) 06:15, 17 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
I'll be sure to review one when I find one. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 13:49, 23 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
@Kaleeb18: There are now multiple unreviewed nominations at WP:DYKN right now, so feel free to choose one. Narutolovehinata5 (talk · contributions) 03:21, 25 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
Sammi Brie and Narutolovehinata5, I have officially reviewed one. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 17:26, 25 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
  QPQ has been supplied. Sammi Brie (she/her • tc) 18:26, 25 July 2022 (UTC)Reply