Talk:Black Focus

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Black Focus/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) K. Peake 17:07, 13 December 2020 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Taking another GAN on for review; will easily have this done by tomorrow! --K. Peake 17:07, 13 December 2020 (UTC)

thanks for giving it a look 👍 웃OO 17:30, 13 December 2020 (UTC)

100cellsman It is my pleasure, I have made my initial comments below! --K. Peake 21:44, 13 December 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• Release date is not sourced in the body; mention it in the section and add a source
• Quartermass Studios → Quartermass, as we do not use the term studios when referencing them in an infobox and write this out in the first section because it is advised not to have refs in the infobox
• Replace hlist with bullet points
• "by the English duo Yussef Kamaal, who consist of" → "by English duo Yussef Kamaal, composed of drummer"
• "spontaneity and flow" can remain in the lead and so can the ref since they are allowed for quotes in the lead, but it should be written out in the body too and comma should be inside for consistency
• Target electronic to Electronic music
• "The album was universally acclaimed by critics who described it as" → "It received universal acclaim from music critics, being described as" with the target
• "soon followed by" → "with the barring soon being followed by"
• "Black Focus had moderate success in the UK," → "The album experienced moderate success in the United Kingdom," since it makes more sense to state the title only later since two is too many times in a para and the other one is more important because of the label name
• "in the Jazz & Blues chart." → "on the Jazz & Blues Albums chart.
• "It earned the duo" → "It earned Yussef Kamaal"
• You can keep the award here but it should be mentioned in the body too and the ref should only be there; accolades section, preferably
• Mention it was the 2017 Jazz FM Awards
• The prominence info can be kept, but source it in the body
• "William's 2018 debut solo album The Return was" → "William's debut solo studio album, The Return (2018), was"
• "to Black Focus, in which William's" → "to Black Focus, the latter of which William's"
• You should write the above info out in the body while keeping it in the lead though; release section, maybe?

All done. I had to go with November 2016 for the release date in the background section, because I didn't want to go with a source that bullet-listed it. 웃OO 22:45, 13 December 2020 (UTC)

This is a perfectly reliable source for the release date, as it needs to be sourced exact, and move to the appropriate section too. --K. Peake 08:47, 14 December 2020 (UTC)

Background

• Retitle to Background and development
• "Kamaal Williams met" → "keyboardist Kamaal Williams met"
• "first event and booked the band United Vibrations where Dayes played." → "first event, where the band United Vibrations were booked and Dayes played."
• "In 2016, they performed" → "In 2016, the band performed"
• "Worldwide Awards in which" → "Worldwide Awards, after which"
• "his Brownswood Recordings label." → "his Brownswood Recordings record label." with the wikilink
• "The duo recruited additional musicians for the album," → "Yussef Kamaal recruited additional musicians for Black Focus,"
• Target programmed to Programming (music)
• "recorded in Quartermass studios" → "recorded at Quartermass Studios"
• [7][3] should be put in numerical order if they both remain here
• "Regarding the album title," → "Regarding the title Black Focus,"
• Wikilink jazz

Composition

• Title of the sampled song should have speech marks around it
• You need to add the appropriate ref(s) to back up the info on the main text
• "classified the album as" → "classified Black Focus as"
• "global sounds,"" → "global sounds"," per MOS:QUOTE; there are other examples of this in the article which also include full-stops
• Target hip-hop to Hip hop music
• "of underground radio."" example of what I said about MOS:QUOTE with full-stops
• "Williams’ synths, all whilst Dayes’" → "Williams' synths, all whilst Dayes'" with the target
• "He continued that" → "He continued, saying that"
• "also compared the album" → "also compared Black Focus"
• "of opening title track has spoken word accompanied" → "of the opening title track features spoken word, accompanied" with the wikilink
• Target Rhodes to Rhodes piano
• Wikilink hand percussion
• Target kit drums to Drum kit
• Wikilink bassline
• "a post-bop frontline"" → "a post-bop frontline"."
• [4][1] put in numerical order
• "Rhodes line" paired" → "Rhodes line", paired"
• Target snare to Snare drum
• Target kick drum to Bass drum
• "funk track topped by" → "funk track that is topped by" with the wikilink
• Wikilink guitar chords
• "The final track "Joint 17" showcases the band's" → "The final track, "Joint 17", showcases Yussef Kamaal's"

Release

• Retitle to Release and reception
• The release sentence should be the first one of this section
• "enter the UK Album chart," → "enter the UK Albums Chart," with the wikilink
• "in the Jazz & Blues album chart in that country. In the" → "on the Jazz & Blues Albums chart in the United Kingdom. On the"
• Mention it was the Ultratop Flanders chart
• The chart positions need citations next to them; preferably, use refnames from the chart table
• Merge the second para with the first one
• Remove wikilink on United States
• "the duo announced their split," → "the band announced they had split,"
• "The duo were scheduled" → "Yussef Kamaal were scheduled"
• "on 4 May, but issued a statement that:" → "on 4 May 2017, but issued a statement that"
• "Regarding the breakup," → "Regarding the breakup of the band," and this should be moved to being the beginning of the para below instead
• "The album was said to contribute" → "Black Focus was said to have contributed"
• "His debut solo studio album, The Return (2018), was considered as a sequel to Black Focus, he" → "His debut solo studio album The Return (2018) was considered as a sequel to the album, the"

Reception

• Retitle to Critical reception
• Austin Chronicle → The Austin Chronicle
• "with "universal acclaim" from critics." → "with universal acclaim from music critics." with the target
• "which assigns a weighted average rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream publications, this release" → "which assigns a normalized rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream publications, the album" with the target
• Merge the second para with the first one
• "Ryan B. Patrick of Exclaim! praised Yussef Kamaal who" → "Patrick praised how Yussef Kamaal"
• "Brexit-era Britain" according" → "Brexit-era Britain", according" with the wikilink
• "of the Austin Chronicle wrote that the duo:" → "of The Austin Chronicle wrote that the band"
• "and improvisation…" where they "coalesc[ed]" → "and improvisation" where they "[c]oalesc[ed]"
• Target Afrobeat to Afrobeats
• "rhythmic percussions… through" → "rhythmic percussions[...] through"
• "compared the record to" → "compared the album to"
• "said the band" → "said Yussef Kamaal"
• "felt that the album tracks were" → "felt that the tracks on Black Focus are"
• Paraphrase for Anmar's review at parts, as there is too much quoting currently
• Target grooves to Groove (music)
• "Theo Koltz of Crack Magazine gave a light critique for the record" → "Theo Koltz of Crack Magazine gave a light critique for the album"
• "and Shabaka Hutchings that" → "and Hutchings that"
• "a review for Williams' 2018 solo album The Return, that" → "a review of The Return that"

Accolades

• Remove the table and write out these accolades in prose, as there is only seven rankings. Obviously I do not classify the award as a ranking, but needing to write that out is another reason why this sub-section should consist of prose instead.
• Jazz FM and Bandcamp should not be italicised, but XLR8R should be
• Target Time Out London to Time Out (magazine)

Track listing

• Add a source next to the writing info to back it up

Personnel

• Credits for Black Focus adapted from album liner notes. → Credits adapted from the album's liner notes.
• Are you sure the targets for terms like production and engineering are needed?

Well, you had me link music critics and musical instruments otherwise. 웃OO 00:39, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

But this is different, as it is a section listing out personnel, not one written out in prose; I have removed accordingly. --K. Peake 08:24, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

• Any specific order here?

I had Dayes and Kamaal on top and the rest are in alphabetical order. Should it be anything other than that? 웃OO 00:39, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

No, this is totally fine. --K. Peake 08:24, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

• Use div col to separate since the personnel goes down too far currently

Charts

• Good

Notes

• including song-writing. → including songwriting.

References

• Copyvio score is a violation of sorts at 42.2%; paraphrase quoting from the Clash review and the Passion of the Weiss interview
• Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool
• Cite Red Bull Music Academy as publisher instead for ref 2
• Cite AllMusic as publisher instead for ref 3 with the wikilink
• Remove wikilink on AllMusic for ref 4
• Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 6
• Cite Jazz FM as publisher instead for ref 9 and target to Jazz FM (UK)
• Middle name should be cited in the firstname parameter for ref 11
• Clash Magazine → Clash on ref 12
• Retitle ref 15 to Metacritic Reviews
• Crack → Crack Magazine on ref 16
• Austin Chronicle → The Austin Chronicle on ref 18
• Add Mojo to ref 19
• Target Time Out London to Time Out (magazine) on ref 21
• Cite NPR as publisher instead for ref 23
• Cite AllMusic as publisher instead for ref 24
• Cite Bandcamp as publisher instead for ref 25
• Remove wikilink on Time Out London on ref 29
• Cite XLR8R as publisher instead for ref 30

External links

• Good

Final comments and verdict

•  On hold until you have fixed all of the issues, that was a very quick review and good luck! --K. Peake 08:47, 14 December 2020 (UTC)

Almost all issues fixed, but I replied to the ones I need input from.웃OO 00:39, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

100cellsman I replied to you above for all of the questions, though I have done a good amount of copy editing and can now ✓ Pass this article; your input got it there for the most part though! --K. Peake 08:24, 15 December 2020 (UTC)

Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by SL93 (talk) 22:41, 11 January 2021 (UTC)

(

• Comment or view
• Article history

)

• ... that after releasing the album Black Focus, the band Yussef Kamaal were denied entry to the United States because of the Trump Administration?

Improved to Good Article status by 100cellsman (talk). Self-nominated at 04:49, 19 December 2020 (UTC).

References

• Will do a full review if we get this sorted but I immediately have some concerns over this Trump Administration content. It should be "denied entry ... by the Trump Administration", not "because of", for neutrality. I'm also a bit confused as to what actually happened here. Is the source referring to the Trump travel ban (possibly Executive Order 13780 specifically)? If so, I think the appropriate links and maybe some more explanation in the article is needed (without veering into original research). Are there any other sources on this subject? It would be helpful to know what specific rule prohibited the group from entry, as I don't see a part of the travel ban which would affect British citizens, or is that information not known? — Bilorv (talk) 00:28, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

They were unable to tour because one of the members, Yussef Dayes, had his visa revoked under the executive order. I wasn't sure how to word this because it would have seemed too long. 웃OO 02:34, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

Yes, I understand this part. You can change "because of" to "by" or use the alt below:

• ALT1: ... that after releasing the album Black Focus, Yussef Kamaal were denied entry to the United States because one of the members had their visa revoked by the Trump Administration?

But what I don't understand is what executive order revoked Dayes' visa and what part of the order would do that? (Is he not a British citizen? What category did he fall into that had new visa restrictions?) — Bilorv (talk) 09:49, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

Dayes is British, and unfortunately, I couldn't find precise details regarding the ban. The sources I looked into state that they were just "(New) Executive Order(s)". A travel ban if anything. Thinking about it, I made a mistake to nominate this statement as a DYK. There's not much factual context that would be good for a hook and one would have to get to know the band first to understand the story. Plus it seems like bad taste to use this fact to speak for an album. 웃OO 10:12, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

Okay, I see, no more information is available. I think the original hook with "because of" replaced to "by" or my suggestion ALT1 would both work as fine hooks—hooks are often teasers to get people to read about the subject and don't need to be representative of the topic as a whole. But if you want to withdraw the nomination then I can reject it for you. Either way, thanks for your work in getting this article to GA status. — Bilorv (talk) 10:41, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

You made a good point, we can carry on with the nomination. I do think ALT 1 is better than what I typed up. 웃OO 06:23, 25 December 2020 (UTC)

Was promoted to GA and has sufficient length and (inline) sourcing, no QPQ needed (1 credit), no copyvio that I can detect (Earwig just shows sites copying Wikipedia). I've been stung before so pinging Yoninah for an opinion on whether we need someone else to review ALT1 (since I suggested it) or if I'm fine to approve it (since it's the same fact with the same sourcing as ALT0). — Bilorv (talk) 15:59, 25 December 2020 (UTC)

Main review done but need another reviewer to check the hook ALT1 (per advice from Yoninah here). — Bilorv (talk) 21:35, 27 December 2020 (UTC)

• Approving Alt1--evrik ^(talk)

• A new hook is needed per Wikipedia talk:Did you know#Using unlinked names in hooks. SL93 (talk) 14:54, 11 January 2021 (UTC)

• Reinstating because the above is based on a misconception—I'm assuming that SL93 has mistaken "Yussef Kamaal" (a band name) for a person. — Bilorv (talk) 17:15, 11 January 2021 (UTC)

• Bilorv Sorry about my mistake. Personal issues were literally surrounding me at the time. SL93 (talk) 17:51, 11 January 2021 (UTC)

• SL93, no harm done! :) — Bilorv (talk) 17:58, 11 January 2021 (UTC)