List of Horrible Histories (2009 TV series) episodes

Horrible Histories is a children's live-action historical and musical sketch-comedy TV series based on the book series of the same name written by Terry Deary. The show ran for five series of thirteen episodes each (plus seven full-length one-off specials), between 2009 and 2013.

Series producer was Caroline Norris. Series 1 was directed by Chloe Thomas and Steve Connelly, with all future series directed by Connelly and Dominic Brigstocke. Writers are listed as per credits of each episode. Original music was—except where noted—written by Richie Webb (music) and Dave Cohen (lyrics), with instrumentals by Webb. The songs were not given formal titles; where possible their creators' names for them have been used.

The starring troop over all five series consisted of Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard, Ben Willbond and Sarah Hadland, some combination of whom appear, with very rare exceptions, in every live-action sketch; their voices can also be heard in the animated sketches. Supporting cast was headed by Alice Lowe, Lawry Lewin and Dominique Moore.

Notable guest stars are indicated in the episode in which they appear, or in the case of recurring roles, on first appearance. Several sketches incorporate parodies of other UK pop-culture media and/or personalities; these parody inspirations are likewise indicated on first appearance.

In 2015, the series returned with a new cast in a revised format. Episodes centred around the life of one prominent historical figure played by an established comedy actor. It was in 2016 that a seventh series began with just three specials before the full series in 2017. The three specials marked anniversaries through the year: 400 years since Shakespeare died, the BBCs 'Love to Read' campaign and 350 years since the Great Fire of London. There was a slight change in cast where the main stars Jalaal Hartley, Tom Stourton and Jessica Ransom continued with new members. This was the first series where none of the main original cast were present.

Overview

Series	Episodes		Originally aired
			First aired	Last aired
1	13		16 April 2009 (2009-04-16)	9 July 2009 (2009-07-09)
2	13		31 May 2010 (2010-05-31)	27 July 2010 (2010-07-27)
3	13		30 May 2011 (2011-05-30)	26 July 2011 (2011-07-26)
4	13		9 April 2012 (2012-04-09)	4 June 2012 (2012-06-04)
5	13		27 May 2013 (2013-05-27)	23 July 2013 (2013-07-23)
Specials	9		17 December 2010 (2010-12-17)	4 August 2014 (2014-08-04)

Series 1: 2009

Episode	Title	Written by	Original airdate
101	"Series 1, Episode 1"	Unknown	16 April 2009 (2009-04-16)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "The 4 Georges: Born 2 Rule" (boyband parody). Lyrics by Dave Cohen with additional lyrics by Laurence Rickard and Caroline Norris. Performed by Ben Willbond, Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby and Jim Howick. Sketches: Rotten Romans: The pre-gladiatorial custom of staging fights at funerals. Imagine spot: High school for aspiring gladiators. Frightful First World War: Lice wars (partly animated). "Ready Steady Feast": German wartime food substitutes (parody of Ready Steady Cook). Putrid Pirates: The Black Spot. Captain Black Bart lists off his rules to the new recruits. Savage Stone Age: Stone Age Tool Set (advertisement). The (not-so-)carefully reconstructed funeral of a tribal chief. Vicious Vikings: Video game: Warrior! Viking vs Monk. "Historical hairdressers" Ear spoons. Gorgeous Georgians: Special guest Meera Syal is the storyteller of Twisted Fairytales: "The Three Little Pigs" (window tax). How to vote in Georgian elections.
102	"Series 1, Episode 2"	Mark Blakewill, Lucy Clarke, James Harris, George Poles, Steve Punt, George Sawyer and Ben Ward	23 April 2009 (2009-04-23)
Song: Terrible Tudors: "The Wives of Henry VIII: Divorced Beheaded & Died". Lyrics by Terry Deary. Performed by Ben Willbond. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: Shouty Man: New! Pee-sil Non-Bio Laundry Detergent (two parts, parody of Persil). City officials discuss how to curb defecating out of windows--while walking below them. Savage Stone Age: "Historical Hospital": Tattoo and trepanning treatments. Caveman Art Show: Preserving the head of a dead relative. Woeful Second World War: Mary, the heroic carrier pigeon (animated). The commandant of a German POW camp tries to keep a determined British officer from escaping. Slimy Stuarts: Stupid Deaths: Francis Bacon. "My Stuart Family" tries to keep up with the neighbors with the help of some exotic new foods. Awful Egyptians: King Pepi II's Super Sticky Anti-Fly Honey Slave (advertisement). Imagine spot: An over-entitled pharaoh insists on the invention of the pyramid. Twisted Fairytales: "The Princess and the Pea" (eliminating rivals to the throne) Terrible Tudors: "This Is Your Reign": King Henry VIII reunites with his friends, advisors and wives--too bad he's had most of them executed (parody of This Is Your Life).
103	"Series 1, Episode 3"	Mark Blakewill, James Harris, Jon Holmes, Steve Punt, Ben Ward and Arnold Widdowson	30 April 2009 (2009-04-30)
Song: Awful Egyptians: "Making a Mummy". Performed by Jim Howick. Sketches: Wicked Witches: Let a random old lady take the blame for your bad luck with Witchfinder's Direct (infomercial). Twisted Fairytales: "The Frog Prince" (witchcraft). The Middle Ages (Witch)Craft Show demonstrates how accusations can also be used to get revenge. Vicious Vikings: Top Three Weird Viking Beliefs: the origin of the first man and woman, who holds the sky up and the story of Thor searching for his stolen hammer (partially animated). Asgot the Clumsy attempts to bluff his way into Valhalla--to avoid the Viking equivalent of hell. Potty Pioneers: Captain Robert Scott is well-prepared for his disastrous race to the South Pole. Stupid Deaths: Franz Reichelt. Awful Egyptians: A picky widow chooses a mummification style for her husband. Shouty Man: New! All-Purpose Ancient Egyptian Mummy. Rotten Romans: Nero uses Christians as candles. Imagine spot: HHTV Sport: Lions vs Christians. Slimy Stuarts: HHTV News: Charles I's execution. "Historical Wife Swap": The Miserables, a Puritan family, swap with Cavalier family the Merrys post-Restoration (parody of Wife Swap).
104	"Series 1, Episode 4"	Dave Cohen, Greg Jenner, Jon Holmes, Steve Punt and Ben Ward	7 May 2009 (2009-05-07)
Song: Terrible Tudors: "Terrible Tudors" (Madness pastiche). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas and Ben Willbond. Sketches: Smashing Saxons: "Saxon EastEnders" finds a ruler trying to mediate a family feud via the new Weregeld law (parody of EastEnders). A paranormal researcher attempts to locate the source of a haunting in "Anglo-Saxon Ghost Hunt" (parody of Ghost Hunt). Vile Victorians: "Ready Steady Feast": Dr William Buckland, famed eater of weird things--including the preserved heart of a king. Stupid Deaths: Matthew Webb. Frightful First World War: TNT Hair Dye (advertisement). Dodgy War Inventions No. 16: Zeppelin airship (animated). Groovy Greeks: "Historical Hospital": Hippocrates demonstrates his unorthodox diagnostic techniques. Alexander the Great and his adviser Hephaestion debate whether or not to name yet another city Alexandria. Rotten Romans: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Roman Report touches on the Year of the Five Emperors and the Six emperors in 238 CE. Caligula tries improving his image with the help of a speechwriter. Terrible Tudors: Elizabeth I's habit of nicknaming her courtiers. Oh Yea! Magazine: Execution Special.
105	"Series 1, Episode 5"	Mark Blakewill, James Harris, Jon Holmes, George Poles, Steve Punt and Arnold Widdowson	14 May 2009 (2009-05-14)
Song: No song is included in this episode (for the only time in series history). Sketches: Awful Egyptians: Pharaoh Phashion magazine offers beauty tips for peasants and aristocrats (advertisement). Mouse Fresh Max toothpaste (advertisement). Ruthless Rulers: Louis XI and the Pig Piano, with special guest Simon Cowell (animated). Measly Middle Ages: HHTV News: taking a census for the Domesday Book. William the Conqueror's increasingly unusual funeral. Rotten Romans: Caligula declares war against Poseidon, god of the sea. Savage Stone Age: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Stone Age Report. Imagine spot: A Homo sapiens couple invite the local Neanderthals to dinner. Smashing Saxons: "Court of Historical Law": Ethelred the Unready determines a horse thief's guilt via ordeal by cake. Twisted Fairytales: "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" (Saxon punishments). Gorgeous Georgians: Join the Georgian Navy! (advertisement). "Historical Hospital": 'Master of medicaments' Montague Fuzzlepeck diagnoses a patient.
106	"Series 1, Episode 6"	Greg Jenner, Simon Littlefield, Laurence Rickard, George Sawyer and Ben Ward	21 May 2009 (2009-05-21)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "A Gorgeous Georgian Lady". Lyrics by Terry Deary (adapted from his book Gorgeous Georgians). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: A hapless thief tries to mug a flagellant. Highlights from a typical medieval bestiary are spotlighted on "The Made-Up Planet" (animated). Vile Victorians: Be an exploited child labourer and get absolutely no compensation from Victorian Claims Direct (advertisement). A chimney sweep and his young apprentice face unexpected obstacles on the job. Gorgeous Georgians: "Historical Wife Swap": Lord and Lady Posh from the Manor swap with the Peasant family of Poorville. Rotten Romans: Imagine spot: Things to remember when you're a galley slave (parody of airline passenger announcements. Two parts). Dodgy War Inventions No. 7: the Onager (animated). Frightful First World War: Twisted Fairytales: "The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe" (urinating on boots to soften the leather). A soldier's frantic hunt for his lucky charms might prove lucky itself. Groovy Greeks: Chat show "Greek Myth Talk" tells the lurid story of Kronos and his attempt at filicide.
107	"Series 1, Episode 7"	Toby Davies, Susie Donkin, Jon Holmes, Chris Pell and Ben Ward	28 May 2009 (2009-05-28)
Song: Measly Middle Ages: "I'm a Knight" (Monty Python pastiche). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Steve Punt and Jim Howick. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: Oh Yea! Magazine: Royal Special. "Historical Hospital": Treating a blister rapidly turns fatal. Groovy Greeks: The story of Helen of Troy retold as inner-city melodrama, complete with chav accents. Imagine spot: Smuggling the Trojan horse past the guards--apparently, much simpler than you'd think. Measly Middle Ages: "That Was Entertainment!": Jousting on ice and other peculiar past-time fun. Woeful Second World War: Twisted Fairytales: "Cinderella" (rationing clothes). Fake nylon stockings made with gravy and eye-liner (advertisement). Awful Egyptians: Imagine spot: Selling pyramid real estate. Meet the Egyptian gods (animated). Vile Victorians: Imagine spot: A little girl must wash in dirty water. Parliamentarians try to find a solution to--or at least, a way to ignore--the Great Stink of 1858.
108	"Series 1, Episode 8"	Lucy Clarke, Dave Cohen, Susie Donkin, Jon Holmes, Greg Jenner, Simon Littlefield, George Poles, Steve Punt and Ben Ward	4 June 2009 (2009-06-04)
Song: Savage Stone Age: "Caveman Love" (1950's doo-wop parody). Performed by Susie Donkin and Sarah Hadland, with Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Vicious Vikings: Stupid Deaths: Edmund II. Valhalla Tours: Come to England for the burning and pillaging, stay for the plunder! Savage Stone Age: "Ready Steady Feast": Sampling the best in cave foods. Rotten Romans: Fearsome Gaulish leader Vercingetorix is unexpectedly stymied by bad weather in "The Battle of Avaricum" (movie trailer). The invention of decimation as a military punishment by General Pompey. Smashing Saxons: "Historical Hairdressers": Hair treatments. Holiday presents demonstrate the many useful uses of dung. Gorgeous Georgians: This is Georgian Food (parody of Marks & Spencer advertisements). A Georgian dentist prepares to replace a tooth. Frightful First World War: Outlining the causes of the war as simply as possible - that is, not very. The evolution of the fighter plane (animated). Measly Middle Ages: The Peasant's Revolt is led by the confusingly named Wat Tyler. The rules of chivalry, and more importantly how to find the loopholes.
109	"Series 1, Episode 9"	Dave Cohen, Jon Holmes, Steve Punt and Ben Ward	11 June 2009 (2009-06-11)
Song Terrible Teachers: "It's Not True!". Performed by Mathew Baynton and Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: Weather forecast. Twisted Fairytales: "Thumbelina" (dirty streets) Vile Victorians: Shouty Man: New! Victorian Child Chimney Cleaner. An inspector gets a rundown from strict teachers on school punishments. Rotten Romans: Make all your wishes come true (sort of) with Roman Gods Direct. A general tries desperately to appease all the right gods prior to battle. Vicious Vikings: Words We Get From the: Vikings. Debunking the myth of horned helmets (animated). Groovy Greeks: "Historical Wife Swap": Effete Athenians vs. legendarily tough Spartans. Slimy Stuarts: HHTV News: Mike Peabody reports on efforts to cope with the Great Plague of London. Ye Sun newspaper: Plague Special.(Parody of The Sun newspaper.) "Ready Steady Feast": How to start the Great Fire of London.
110	"Series 1, Episode 10"	Susie Donkin, Steve Punt, Mark Shillabeer, Ben Ward and Arnold Widdowson	18 June 2009 (2009-06-18)
Song Measly Middle Ages: "The Plague Song" (musical theatre parody). Lyrics by Terry Deary. Performed by Ben Willbond and Katy Wix with Mathew Baynton and Sarah Hadland. Sketches: Rotten Romans: Sponge on a Stick and Viper Deodorant (advertisements). Vile Victorians: An upper-class couple are conned by a thief using street slang. Great Victorian Inventions: The Car (animated). Terrible Tudors: "Ready Steady Feast": Comparing the diets of rich and poor. "Historical Hairdressers": The latest skin treatments. Cut-Throat Celts: Home decorating with severed heads. Video game: Warrior! Romans vs Celts. Measly Middle Ages: Twisted Fairytales: "The Pied Piper of Hamelin" (plague spreading). Ruthless Rulers: "This Is Your Reign": Napoleon Bonaparte is reunited with his rather unexpectedly accented family. Groovy Greeks: Spartan warriors suit up at the weapons store pre-battle. HHTV News: Mike Peabody live from the Battle of Thermopylae.
111	"Series 1, Episode 11"	Dave Cohen, Jon Holmes, George Poles, Steve Punt & Ben Ward	25 June 2009 (2009-06-25)
Song Vile Victorians: "British Things". Performed by Sarah Hadland and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: Oh Yea! magazine: Royal Special. Imagine spot: Choosing the next royal executioner on "The Axe Factor" (parody of The X Factor). Groovy Greeks: Stupid Deaths: General Pausanias. "Court of Historical Law": Draco imposes his truly draconian punishments on an apple thief. Twisted Fairytales: "Sleeping Beauty" (disobeying Draco's non-idleness law in particular). Vile Victorians: HHTV News: Bob Hale's British Empire Report. Vicious Vikings: Words We Get From the: Vikings. A returning warrior enthusiastically recites battle poetry to his distinctly sceptical friend. Slimy Stuarts: Bonfire safety tips with Guy Fawkes. HHTV News: The English Civil War breaks out. Measly Middle Ages: Stupid Deaths: The Grim Reaper finally gets fed up while processing the overflow of casualties from the plague, floods, Hundred Years' War etc. "Ready Steady Feast": Live from the Siege of Orléans.
112	"Series 1, Episode 12"	Dave Cohen, George Sawyer, Jon Holmes and Ben Ward	2 July 2009 (2009-07-02)
Song Groovy Greeks: "We are Greek" (Flanders & Swann pastiche). Performed by Mathew Baynton and Jim Howick. (Two parts.) Sketches: Smashing Saxons: Mealtime charades in a monastery take an unexpected turn. The Monk Art Show: How to write like a monk--if you can survive the ink-making process. Vile Victorians: Schoolchildren have some very unusual names. Queen Victoria pitches her workout regime. Rotten Romans: The gladiator games run out of animals at the worst possible moment. Checking in with Execution Animals "Я" Us. Measly Middle Ages: Twisted Fairytales: "The Ugly Duckling" (swan hunting). The Earl of Warwick checks on preparations for his dinner party. Groovy Greeks: The first play in history. Stupid Deaths: Aeschylus. Woeful Second World War: A prim couple must choose from a difficult set of inner-city evacuee children. Joining the Hitler Youth--or else. Top Three Strangest Hitler Survival Rumours (animated).
113	"Series 1, Episode 13"	Dave Cohen, Jon Holmes and Ben Ward	9 July 2009 (2009-07-09)
Song Vile Victorians: "Burke & Hare". Performed by Mathew Baynton with Jim Howick and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Rotten Romans: A Roman chef is disgusted with the state of newly conquered Britain's cuisine on "Roman Kitchen Nightmares" (Gordon Ramsay parody). A naive visitor is forced to use Rome's (very) public communal toilets. Vile Victorians: Florence Nightingale arrives at a Crimean hospital clearly in need of her help. Awful Egyptians: "This Is Your Reign": Sorting Cleopatra's tangled family tree. The story of Hatshepsut, first female pharaoh. Terrible Tudors: The tumultuous history of the Globe Theatre (animated). The ghost of Richard III challenges William Shakespeare over the historical accuracy of the play based on the King's life. Vicious Vikings: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Viking Report. King Alfred is a Saxon king who fight the Vikings in the 800s. The city of Swansea is a city of the sea named after the Viking (Danish) king Swayne. Stupid Deaths: Sigurd the Mighty. Gorgeous Georgians:John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, "invents" the sandwich. HHTV Sport: Lice racing.

Series 2: 2010

Episode.	Title	Written by	Original airdate
201	"Series 2, Episode 1"	Mathew Baynton, Gerard Foster, Jon Holmes, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard	31 May 2010 (2010-05-31)
Song: Vicious Vikings: "Literally (The Viking Song)" (1980's glam metal power ballad parody). Lyrics by Mathew Baynton and Laurence Rickard. Performed by Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Rotten Romans: "Roman Come Dine with Me": Emperor Elagabalus plays some very nasty practical jokes on his dinner guests (parody of Come Dine with Me). Terrible Tudors: Elizabeth I is picky about her portrait. "Historical Mastermind": Shakespeare, category 'Words What I Made Up' (parody of Mastermind). Incredible Incas: Shouty Man: New! Multi-Purpose Incan Hole. Incan Sham-pee (advertisement). Vile Victorians: The invention of badminton. Meet the many eccentric pets of Walter Rothschild, 2nd Baron Rothschild (animated). Stupid Deaths: Bobby Leach. Slimy Stuarts: The story of the Gunpowder Plot as action movie "Fawkes' 13" (movie trailer). Charles I's unusual punishments for government critics. Woeful Second World War: PM Winston Churchill discusses arming the British Home Guard. Video game: Operation Defend Britain. The Durham Home Guard branch do more damage to themselves than to the enemy. Vicious Vikings: Attempting to navigate by following (but not necessarily feeding) a raven. All the Come Dine with Me sketches have commentary by Dave Lamb, from the Channel 4 series.
202	"Series 2, Episode 2"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Greggory Jenner, Oriane Messina, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash, Joe Tucker and Raphael Warner	1 June 2010 (2010-06-01)
Song: Slimy Stuarts: "Charles II: King of Bling" (rap music parody, feat. My Name Is by Eminem). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond, Laurence Rickard and Lawry Lewin. Sketches: Putrid Pirates: Captain Basil Hood quickly regrets stealing a herd of seasick cows. "Historical Hospital": The ship's carpenter steps in to perform an amputation. Woeful Second World War: World War II Art Show: Magician Jasper Maskelyne helps the Allies hide military installations. Wrapping children in brown paper for warmth leads to a postal mix-up. Groovy Greeks: Stupid Deaths: Heraclitus. Evil-Spirit-Preventing-Door-Frame-Tar (advertisement). The Oracle of Delphi predicts Aeschylus' death. Slimy Stuarts: Oliver Cromwell bans Christmas celebrations--among many other things. Awful Egyptians: Historical Desktops: Cleopatra courts Mark Antony via social network. Gorgeous Georgians: HHTV Sport: Ex-slave Bill Richmond revolutionises boxing. Parents tour a boarding school during a violent pupil rebellion.
203	"Series 2, Episode 3"	Lucy Clarke, Dave Cohen, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Fay Rusling	2 June 2010 (2010-06-02)
Song: Groovy Greeks: "Spartan High School Musical" (parody of Disney's High School Musical). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Rotten Romans: Christians compete to avoid Roman persecution on "I'm a Christian, Get Me out of Here!" (parody of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me out of Here!). Emperor Nero's marital woes are featured in "Love You to Death" (movie trailer). Ave! Magazine: Profiling celebrity gladiator Spiculus. Measly Middle Ages: The "Historical Paramedics" try reviving an unconscious patient with treacle and wee. Vincenzo Larfoff (special guest David Baddiel) is your host for Scary Stories: "The Children of Woolpit". Groovy Greeks: Sending a student off to school. Terrible Tudors: Jester Will Somers is the only man who can safely break the news of Queen Catherine Howard's infidelities to Henry VIII. Stupid Deaths: Tudor entertainer. Savage Stone Age: Preparing for a hunting trip. The Caveman Workout, the low-tech way to get in shape (advertisement). Awesome USA: The invention of the telegraph means bad news for Pony Express riders. PR agent Cliff Whiteley gives advice to Wyatt Earp and Billy the Kid.
204	"Series 2, Episode 4"	Mathew Baynton, Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Ben Ward and Ben Willbond	3 June 2010 (2010-06-03)
Song: Woeful Second World War: "We're the WWII Girls" (Parody of "The Promise" by Girls Aloud). Performed by Alice Lowe, Katy Wix and Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Gorgeous Georgians: Legendary Admiral Horatio Nelson turns out to be a trifle less than physically impressive. HHTV News: The public execution of escape artist Jack Sheppard. Measly Middle Ages: "Historical Hospital": A European physician and Arabian healer (special guest star Alexei Sayle) clash over treatment philosophies. Stupid Deaths: Humphrey de Bohun, 4th Earl of Hereford. Incredible Incas: Historical Shopping Channel: Inca Hour. "Stay Calmer When You Want to Harm a Llama" (advertisement). Vile Victorians: Scary Stories: "The Cabinet of Mystery". A con-artist sells tapeworm traps. Pioneering epidemiologist John Snow refuses to endorse the 'health benefits' of New! Victorian Beer (advertisement). Groovy Greeks: HHTV Sport: Live from the Siege of Troy--Paris vs Achilles. Dodgy War Machines No. 14: Elephant warfare (animated). Woeful Second World War: Winston Churchill plans D-Day late into the night, much to the dismay of his secretary and a general.
205	"Series 2, Episode 5"	Mark Blakewill, James Harris, Oriane Messina, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash	4 June 2010 (2010-06-04)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "George IV: Couldn't Stand My Wife" (pop ballad parody). Lyrics by Laurence Rickard. Performed by Jim Howick with Lawry Lewin. Sketches: Putrid Pirates: A new recruit is baffled by what his Captain considers treasure. Historical Shopping Channel: Pirate Hour. Incredible Incas: CD set: "Live like an Incan" (advertisement). An Incan child gets some offbeat birthday presents. Awful Egyptians: Video game: The Real Tomb Raider. Scary Stories: "The Curse of Tutankhamun". Gorgeous Georgians: Prince Regent George IV has an unexpectedly good reaction to some bad news--not so much to the news that his corset's no longer working. Measly Middle Ages: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Crusades Report. Old Crone: don't leave for the Crusades without one (advertisement). Awesome USA: Agent Moses helps smuggle plantation slaves past their master to freedom. Rotten Romans: Door-to-door dung salesman. How to behave at a Roman dinner party (parody of an educational film).
206	"Series 2, Episode 6"	Lucy Clarke, Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Jon Holmes, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow and Laurence Rickard	8 June 2010 (2010-06-08)
Song: Putrid Pirates: "Blackbeard's Song" (Gilbert & Sullivan parody). Performed by Jim Howick with Laurence Rickard, Ben Willbond and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Gorgeous Georgians: Mad King George III's royal physicians torture him in the name of treatment. "Ready Steady Feast": On the run from the cure, the King pauses to plant a beef loin. Rotten Romans: Emperor Elagabalus' Romo Lottery Millions--with luck, your prize won't be poisonous. Paranoid Emperor Tiberius is suspicious of a Capresi peasant bearing gifts. Smashing Saxons: Weather forecast. A farmer hasn't quite thought through his latest attempt to ward off ghosts. Suggestions for coping with famine. Awesome USA: Stupid Deaths: Clement Vallandingham. Dodgy War Tactics No. 23: Battle of the Crater (animated). Savage Stone Age: Trepanadol, the surefire headache cure. European and Peruvian tribes compete on "Stone Age Family Fortunes" (parody of Family Fortunes). Vile Victorians: Cliff Whiteley advises Florence Nightingale and Mary Seacole. Schoolchildren forced to learn by rote turn the tables on their teacher.
207	"Series 2, Episode 7"	Dave Cohen, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Fay Rusling	15 June 2010 (2010-06-15)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Victorian Inventions" (music hall pastiche). Performed by Ben Willbond and Alice Lowe. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: A marauding knight can't get into a lord's castle, so attacks the lord's serfs instead. Imagine spot: Peasant Joan of Arc is confused when an angel announces she's destined for great things. Putrid Pirates: (Reluctantly) dressing in women's clothing and other tricks to lure ships close enough for attack. "Ready Steady Feast": Captain Ned Low displays a decided taste for cruelty--if not actual human flesh. Vile Victorians: The proposed inventions have an unusual power source in common on "Victorian Dragon's Den" (parody of Dragon's Den). Smashing Saxons: Words We Get From the: Saxons. New! Saxon Sign of the Cross (advertisement). Two peasants discuss ergotism in-between the wild flailing. Slimy Stuarts: HHTV News: Civil War. Bob Hale gives the Civil War Report, while Mike Peabody reports live from the Battle of Marston Moor. Cut-Throat Celts: Dodgy War Inventions No. 79: Romans try using stilts to cross marshland (animated). "Historical Wife Swap": An upscale Roman couple moves into newly conquered Britain and swaps with a traditional Celtic family.
208	"Series 2, Episode 8"	Mathew Baynton, Dave Cohen, Toby Davies & Chris Pell, Jon Holmes, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, George Sawyer, Mark Shillabeer and Ben Willbond	22 June 2010 (2010-06-22)
Song: Awful Egyptians: "Learn Your Hieroglyphics" (parody of ABC by the Jackson 5). Performed by Mathew Baynton with children's chorus. Sketches: Vicious Vikings: An attempt at fearsome war paint. The attack on Lindisfarne monastery is interrupted when the warriors can't quite remember why they're attacking. Terrible Tudors: HHTV Sport: Inter-village football matches are serious business. A mugger tries to adjust his rates to avoid punishment. Woeful Second World War: Some of the more gruesome German attempts to keep warm at Stalingrad. Dodgy War Inventions No. 28: Russian anti-tank dog bombs (animated). Gorgeous Georgians: Shouty (Wo)Man: New! Georgian Fan, the communications revolution. A courtship is conducted entirely via fan sign language. "Historical Fashion Fix": A peasant gets a taste of aristocratic Macaroni fashion. Slimy Stuarts: Stupid Deaths: Arthur Aston. Scary Stories: "The Terror of Tedworth". Rotten Romans: News of the Empire: Julius Caesar Special. "Crimewatch BC" attempts to help locate Caesar's assassins (parody of Crimewatch UK).
209	"Series 2, Episode 9"	Mathew Baynton, Gerard Foster, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Mark Shillabeer, Colin Swash and Ben Willbond	29 June 2010 (2010-06-29)
Song: Awesome USA: "Real Live Cowboys" (bluegrass parody). Performed by Ben Willbond, Laurence Rickard and Nathaniel Martello-White. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: The introduction of a novel new drink called 'tea'. "Historical Hospital": A physician tries a cure involving pigeons. Vicious Vikings: HHTV Sport: The rules of a family feud, including when to bring out the berserker. A chief's funeral celebration dissolves into a massive brawl. Woeful Second World War: Anderson Bomb Shelter: one size fits all (advertisement). Stupid Deaths: Cockney businessman. An evacuee child from the city thinks he's landed in a den of monsters in "The Farm" (horror movie trailer parody). Incredible Incas: The Chasqui messenger service turns into a game of Chinese Whispers. HHTV News: Bob Hale's Incan Report reviews the reigns of Manco, Sinchi, Lloque, Mayta, Cápac, Roca, Yahua, Viracocha (name of an Incan god), Pachacuti, and Tupac. In 1493, Huayna goes up to conquer Ecuador. Vile Victorians: Welsh schoolchildren are forbidden to speak their native language under the Welsh Not punishment system. A little girl debates attending school with her parents in "Victorian EastEnders". Awesome USA: New! Multi-purpose bandanna (advertisement).
210	"Series 2, Episode 10"	Mathew Baynton, Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Ben Ward and Ben Willbond	6 July 2010 (2010-07-06)
Song: Cut-Throat Celts: "Boudicca" (alternative rock parody). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas with Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: The News at 1066 provides updates from the Norman Conquest via Bayeux Tapestry. Trubador Bertran de Born releases "Now That's What I Call Miserable!: Vol. 3" to mixed reviews including Simon Cowell's (a call back to the animated pig piano sketch in Series 1). Vile Victorians: All a seventh child wants for his birthday is a name in "Victorian EastEnders". Shouty Man: New! Victorian Maid. Scary Stories: "The Freaks". Cut-Throat Celts: "Historical Fashion Fix": A warrior gets an unusual pre-battle makeover. Slimy Stuarts: King Charles I's French bride is less than pleased to learn he's sent a stand-in groom. A Scots congregation needs some serious persuasion to accept the new English prayer books. Gorgeous Georgians: HHTV Sport: Play-by-play of a pinching match. A fresh army recruit gets a rude surprise on reporting for duty. Awful Egyptians: Cleopatra's beauty regime. "Historical Hospital": Dr Isis prescribes some surprisingly effective treatments.
211	"Series 2, Episode 11"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Jon Holmes, Greg Jenner, Caroline Norris, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash, Ben Ward	13 July 2010 (2010-07-13)
Song: Smashing Saxons: "Funky Monks" ("The Monks' Song") (parody of Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry, incorporating Gregorian-style chanting). Performed by Ben Willbond, Mathew Baynton and Jim Howick with Terry Deary and Alice Lowe. Sketches: Rotten Romans: Caligula recoups by attacking the sea after forgetting to tell the army about his planned British invasion. Life as a legionary. Measly Middle Ages: The plague forecast. Scots warriors don't notice the glaring flaw in their plan to invade plague-weakened England until it's too late. An English groom encounters some awkward marriage traditions in "My Big Fat (Medieval Scottish) Wedding" (parody of My Big Fat Greek Wedding). Awful Egyptians: "Ready Steady Feast": Comparing the diets of a peasant and pyramid builder. Pyramid Weekly magazine offers a stone-of-the-month scheme (advertisement). Awesome USA: Dodgy War Inventions No. 21: the first ironclad ship (animated). General Stonewall Jackson shows off his narcolepsy and (many) other eccentricities. Groovy Greeks: Spartan High's parent/teacher night. Stupid Deaths: Draco. Terrible Tudors: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Catholic Report. King Henry VIII plays tennis while his Queen Anne Boleyn is executed.
212	"Series 2, Episode 12"	Mathew Baynton, Susie Donkin, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, George Sawyer, Joe Tucker, Raphael Warner and Ben Willbond	20 July 2010 (2010-07-20)
Song: Incredible Incas: "Do the Pachacuti" (parody of novelty dance songs). Lyrics by Laurence Rickard. Performed by Mathew Baynton with Martha Howe-Douglas, Alice Lowe and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Savage Stone Age: "DI Bones: Historical Crime Squad": The case of the caveman's death. Caveman Art Show: Cave wall painting. Woeful Second World War: Codebreakers are just a little too clever for their own good. Agent Sophie shows off spy gadgets to a French Resistance contact. Rotten Romans: An Andabatae gladiator needs encouragement before heading into the arena. Stupid Deaths: Diodorus the hunchback. Smashing Saxons: Bag-O-Swallow-Chick Stomach Stones: works great against headaches, not so much against Vikings (advertisement). The Saxon Helmet Company offers a sympathy refund on a (badly) failed lucky helmet. Words We Get From the: Saxons. Terrible Tudors: "Horrible Histories World Wrestling": Francis I of France defeats Henry VIII by tripping him up. Historical Desktops: Henry VIII surfs dating services and winds up starting the English Reformation online. Incredible Incas: Francisco Pizarro's "Very Rough Guide" to Peru.
213	"Savage Songs Special"	Mathew Baynton, Dave Cohen, Laurence Rickard	27 July 2010 (2010-07-27)
Savage Songs: A chronological compilation of standout music videos from the second series, as chosen by the producers--including a special encore from the first series. "Spartan School Musical" (from S02E03), "Boudicca" (S02E10), "Literally (The Viking Song)" (S02E01), "Do the Pachacuti" (S02E12), "Charles II: King of Bling" (S02E02), "Blackbeard's Song" (S02E06),"George IV: Couldn't Stand My Wife" (S02E05), "Real Live Cowboys" (S02E09), "Victorian Inventions" (S02E07), "We're the World War II Girls" (S02E04). Encore: "The 4 Georges: Born 2 Rule" (S01E01).

Series 3: 2011

Episode	Title	Written by	Original air date
301	"Series 3, Episode 1"	Dave Cohen, Rosanna Lowe, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	30 May 2011 (2011-05-30)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "Dick Turpin, Highwayman" (parody of "Stand and Deliver" by Adam and the Ants). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Jim Howick, Simon Farnaby, Laurence Rickard, Ben Willbond and Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Rotten Romans: A general will go to any lengths to qualify for the Roman triumph. Introducing the new aBook (parody of Apple advertisements). Fabulous French: A prankster count sets up his own reality show, "You've Been Artois'd!" (parody of You’ve Been Framed). Terrible Tudors: A gong farmer tries to convince his son to follow in his footsteps. Elizabeth I unexpectedly arrives at a noble's home to stay. Angry Aztecs: Dog steak and pond scum biscuits are on the menu of "Historical Masterchef" (parody of Masterchef). Howler monkeys realise why they're a favourite hunting target (animated). Gorgeous Georgians: Pay your way to luxury in Newgate Prison (parody of Premier Inn advertisements). Vicious Vikings: Words We Get From the: Vikings. The "Historical Paramedics" try using runic symbols to treat a cycling injury. Vile Victorians: A picnicking couple have a less-than-polite debate over etiquette. Another couple work out their differences via floral messaging system. Frightful First World War: The less-than-encouraging results of the Somme campaign. Fabulous Fat King's Fat Factory, for all your (surprisingly extensive) wartime fat needs (parody of Sheilas' Wheels car insurance adverts).
302	"Series 3, Episode 2"	Dave Cohen, Susie Donkin, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	31 May 2011 (2011-05-31)
Song: Ruthless Rulers: "The Monarchs' Song (The English Kings and Queens)" (Chas & Dave parody). Performed by Simon Farnaby, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard, Mathew Baynton, Ben Willbond and Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Nasty Knights: A raiding party can either overcome a series of incredibly dangerous obstacles to get into a castle--or they can do it the hard way. The siege forecast. Slimy Stuarts: Whale phlegm is on the menu on "Historical Masterchef". A dinner party is made awkward by Walter Raleigh's severed head. Groovy Greeks: Stupid Deaths: A Greek boxer is killed by the statue of Theagenes of Thasos. Words We Get From the: Greeks. Gorgeous Georgians: Historical Pet Shop: Smuggling lace in a goose's crop. Inventor John Joseph Merlin belatedly discovers a few key design flaws while filming an advertisement for the first practical roller skates. Smashing Saxons: HHTV News: Mike Peabody live from the Battle of Maldon. Monk Magazine: All the "modern" monk needs to know. Vile Victorians: Opening the first public toilet in more ways than one. The strange story behind the establishment of Alfred Nobel's Peace Prize.
303	"Series 3, Episode 3"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, George Sawyer and Ben Ward	1 June 2011 (2011-06-01)
Song: Measly Middle Ages: "William Wallace, Scottish Rebel" (heavy metal parody of "Doctor Alibi" by Slash ). Performed by Ben Willbond with Simon Farnaby, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Frightful First World War: A naive young recruit tries to learn the ropes. Shouty Man: New! WWI Wee-Wee, the multi-purpose liquid revolution. Smashing Saxons: The host of "Invasion, Invasion, Invasion" inadvertently helps Hengist and Horsa steal Kent from Vortigern (parody of Location, Location, Location). Slimy Stuarts: Scary Stories: "Evil Edmund". The "Historical Paramedics" try treating a fainting victim with a live sheep and heavy stones. Measly Middle Ages: Stupid Deaths: James II of Scotland. Terrible Tudors: The story of Lady Jane Grey, queen for nine days. The invention of the English mile. Fabulous French: HHTV News: Bob Hale's French Revolution Report. Mike Peabody reports live from Fishguard where the French army face an unlikely foe.
304	"Series 3, Episode 4"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	2 June 2011 (2011-06-02)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Work, Terrible Work!" (parody of "Food, Glorious Food" from the musical Oliver!). Performed by Ben Willbond, Laurence Rickard and Mathew Baynton with children's chorus. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: Eccentric highwayman James Hind refuses to steal from Royalists. Charles II is less than impressed with his coronation gift. Measly Middle Ages: "Historical Fashion Fix": A peasant's transformation into a nobleman is so good it's literally illegal. A leech collector inadvertently ends up demonstrating the job to a skeptical pal. Rotten Romans: "DI Bones: Historical Crime Squad": The case of Caligula and the mystery assassins. Video game: Arena Fighter. Making sure gladiator casualties were really dead. Nasty Knights: "Dominic Duckworth: HHTV Investigates': Cheating in the age of chivalry. Stupid Deaths: Knights Templar. Groovy Greeks: Words We Get From the: Greeks. Historical Head Teachers: Spartan Mr. Brasidas is pleased to learn a student's been stealing. Gorgeous Georgians: "George IV: Who on Earth Are You?": The newly crowned King takes a genealogist on a most unusual tour of the family tombs (parody of Who Do You Think You Are?).
305	"Series 3, Episode 5"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	3 June 2011 (2011-06-03)
Song: Awful Egyptians: "Ra Ra Cleopatra" (Lady Gaga parody, particularly "Bad Romance"). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas with Ben Willbond and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: John Balliol is dissatisfied with his luxurious exile. Stupid Deaths: Griffith Ap Llewelyn. Rotten Romans: "Historical Hospital": A Roman physician prescribes gladiator's blood as a tonic. Shouty Man: New! Criminal's Head. Fabulous French: "Historical Wife Swap": Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette swap with a distinctly unimpressed starving peasant family. Frightful First World War: A new British arrival to the trenches struggles to locate a familiar accent amid the Commonwealth forces. Ladies' tights help Scots soldiers keep warm and safe in the trenches (advertisement). Terrible Tudors: Elizabeth I's Christmas present turns out to be a timekeeping revolution (from the Christmas Special). Special footwear helped women keep dry in muddy streets--but looking where they were going helped even more (animated). "Historical Fashion Fix": The latest peasant to have a makeover is unappreciative of his noble transformation. Awful Egyptians: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Tutankhamun Report.
306	"Series 3, Episode 6"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	7 June 2011 (2011-06-07)
Song: Measly Middle Ages: "The Truth About Richard III" (pop ballad parody). Performed by Jim Howick. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: Henry VIII unveils his patented all-you-can-meat Tudor diet plan. The "Historical Paramedics" try treating an asthma victim with buttered spiders. Cut-Throat Celts: "Horrible Points of View": Taking questions and comments--also severed heads--from the era's viewer mailbag. Historical Pet Shop: Odd superstitions surrounding dogs. Measly Middle Ages: HHTV News: Bob Hale's War of the Roses Report. Angry Aztecs: "Aztec Come Dine With Me": The annual days of maize and beans have a rather anti-social side effect. Savage Stone Age: A man tries to convince his skeptical hunter friend that settling down on a farm is the wave of the future. Shouty Man: New! Multi-Purpose String. Gorgeous Georgians: The controversial final moments of Admiral Nelson, and then the unusual preservation method used on his body. Stupid Deaths: Countess of Coventry.
307	"Series 3, Episode 7"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Colin Swash	14 June 2011 (2011-06-14)
Song: Rotten Romans: "The Evil Emperors' Song" (parody of Bad by Michael Jackson). Performed by Simon Farnaby, Mathew Baynton, Ben Willbond and Jim Howick. Sketches: Awful Egyptians: A tomb builder tries to convince a pharaoh that protecting his treasure is more important than a magnificent monument. Shouty Man: Ushabti Coffin Dolls. Gorgeous Georgians: George I's English isn't any better than Robert Walpole's German, which poses a serious problem re: running the country--or does it? HHTV Sport: Twisting the hindquarters off a dead cow at the Highland Games. Slimy Stuarts: "Horrible Points of View": Taking questions and comments on that new theatrical phenomenon, "actresses". Stupid Deaths: Molière. Vicious Vikings: "Historical Wife Swap": A well-to-do warrior family swaps with their slave thralls. Awesome USA: HHTV News: Bob Hale's American Report. Paul Revere's All-American Toothpaste (advertisement). Rotten Romans: A newly recovered Caligula demands that those who offered their lives to the gods in exchange for his must now pay up.
308	"Series 3, Episode 8"	Dave Cohen, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Joe Tucker, Ben Ward and Raphael Warner	21 June 2011 (2011-06-21)
Song: Potty Pioneers: "The Suffragettes' Song" (synthpop parody). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas and Alice Lowe with Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: William II meets his death in a mysterious hunting accident. Stupid Deaths: Henry I. Fabulous French: HHTV News: Mike Peabody live from the storming of the Bastille. "Madam Tussaud's Make Show": How to make wax figures using freshly guillotined heads. Smashing Saxons: A lone man embarks on a (not-entirely-)desperate quest to find his stolen wife in "Kidnapped!" (historical epic movie trailer parody). Words We Get From the: Saxons. Terrible Tudors: Historical Head Teachers: Mr. Bullen demands that a student start his schoolday at 4:30 am. HHTV Sport: Horse racing with King Henry VIII--and child jockeys. Vicious Vikings: "Winter Cooking with the Hairy Vikings" always involves a bit of walrus (parody of the Hairy Bikers). Historical Desktops: Ethelred the Unready suffers cyberbullying at the hands of Viking raiders.
309	"Series 3, Episode 9"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	28 June 2011 (2011-06-28)
Song: Angry Aztecs: "Discaztec (Ain't Staying Alive)" (disco parody, feat. "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees). Performed by Laurence Rickard, Mathew Baynton and Jim Howick. Sketches: Vicious Vikings: A literate monk convinces marauding raiders to spare him so he can record their badassery for all time. Other monastic captives are on sale at the "new market town of Dublin" in "We Sell Any Monk" (advertisement parody of We Buy Any Car). Vile Victorians: Historical Pet Shop: The animal-loving 2nd Baron Rothschild makes his third appearance in as many series. The traffic report. Terrible Tudors: A foreign traveller has difficulty grasping pre-decimal British coinage. A nobleman inadvertently runs afoul of Elizabeth I's peculiar clothing laws. Angry Aztecs: "Aztec Gardeners' World" discusses fertilizing fields with human blood. Enjoy hours of family fun with Aztec Whodunnit-o (parody of Cluedo). Frightful First World War: A general arrives to inspect the troops and discovers just how hard up both sides are for new recruits. Video Game: Splat That Rat! Rotten Romans: Tabellarii messenger service, the classical equivalent of text messaging. A nervous smuggler runs into an unexpected obstacle in trying to run weapons past the gates of Rome. Measly Middle Ages: "Medieval Come Dine with Me": When dying of the plague was the ultimate social faux pas.
310	"Series 3, Episode 10"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Jon Holmes, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Ben Ward and Ben Willbond	5 July 2011 (2011-07-05)
Song: Slimy Stuarts: "The English Civil War Song" (parody of "Cool" from West Side Story). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Lawry Lewin and Ben Willbond with Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Frightful First World War: Trying--and failing--to keep warm in the trenches in wintertime. Wartime improvisation is the order of the day on "Historical Masterchef". Smashing Saxons: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Anglo-Saxon Report. The tumultuous love story of William the Conqueror and Matilda of Flanders is retold in "Mud and Matilda" (romantic comedy movie trailer parody). Words We Get From the: Normans. Gorgeous Georgians: A fashionable day out to view the patients in Bedlam. Mercury is the key ingredient in Solomon's Live (not so very) Long Water (advertisement). Angry Aztecs: Scary Stories: "The Mystery of Motecuhzoma". Video game: Warrior! Spanish Conquistador vs. Aztec Warrior. Rotten Romans: Danke magazine: Barbarian fashion tips (parody of Hello! Magazine). The conquering barbarian hordes find deciding where exactly to begin sacking Rome isn't as simple as it seems. Slimy Stuarts: William Harvey is willing to go to any lengths to further his anatomical research.
311	"Series 3, Episode 11"	Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Ben Ward	12 July 2011 (2011-07-12)
Song: Savage Stone Age: "The Ages of Stone" (bebop parody). Performed by Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: The not-quite-love story of Phillip and Mary is retold in the style of a graphic novel. Elizabeth I endorses Sugar-Paste Toothpaste (advertisement). Putrid Pirates: A hippie buccaneer finds having an extra hook comes in handy on "Historical Masterchef". Pirate weather forecast. Vile Victorians: "Victorian EastEnders" tells the story of one family's aspirations to move on up through the sewers. The "Historical Paramedics" try treating a collapsed victim with bacon, potato and the sheer fabulousness of top hats. Savage Stone Age: A distinctly "grown-up drink" is among the innovative ideas pitched on "Stone Age Dragons' Den". Groovy Greeks: HHTV Sport: On-the-spot coverage of a typical day at the Ancient Olympics (with special guest star Tanni Grey-Thompson). Stupid Deaths: Milo of Croton. Slimy Stuarts: Historical Pet Shop: Rupert of the Rhine wants a dog that does a very specific set of tricks. A young man plans a less-than-romantic elopement on "Historical Don't Tell the Bride" (parody of Don't Tell the Bride).
312	"Series 3, Episode 12"	Gerard Foster, Rosanna Lowe, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Fay Rusling, Ben Ward	19 July 2011 (2011-07-19)
Song: Cut-Throat Celts: "Celtic Boast Battle" (hip-hop parody, loosely parodying "Jump Around" by House of Pain incorporating beatboxing). Performed by Mathew Baynton and Jim Howick with Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: A peasant tries to leverage his rare and desirable plague-free status into a pay rise. The people of Strasbourg catch literal dance fever in 1518. Groovy Greeks: Historical Pet Shop: Zeno of Elea requires subjects for some odd thought experiments. HHTV Festival News: Presenter Fearne Polyester participates in the all-female Thesmophoria (parody of Fearne Cotton). HHTV Sport: Crowning the winner at the Isthmian Games. Cut-Throat Celts: An Irish king's attempt to ban all rhyme turns out to not be very well-thought-through. Savage Stone Age: Comparisons between Stonehenge and the pyramids are eye-opening (animated). Cliff Whiteley discusses the many theories re: Stonehenge with one of its builders. Angry Aztecs: Hi-Tec All-in-One Cactus multipurpose tool and Chuckle Resin chewing gum (advertisements). Slimy Stuarts: "Horrible Points of View": Another look at Stuart-era entertainment, e.g. executions. Thomas Blood is brought before Charles II, who winds up being unexpectedly impressed - and entertained.
313	"Savage Songs Special"	Dave Cohen and Ben Ward	26 July 2011 (2011-07-26)
Savage Songs: Chronological compilation of the standout music videos from the third series, as chosen by the producers. An encore is omitted this year to make room for the slightly longer "Monarchs' Song". "The Ages of Stone" (from S03E010), "Ra Ra Cleopatra" (S03E05), "Celtic Boast Battle" (S03E12), "William Wallace: Scottish Rebel" (S03E03), Discaztec (Ain't Staying Alive)" (S03E09), "The Truth About Richard III" (S03E06), "Dick Turpin, Highwayman" (S03E01), "Work, Terrible Work!" (S03E04), "The Suffragettes' Song" (S03E08) and "The Monarchs' Song (The English Kings and Queens)" (S03E02).

Series 4: 2012

Episode	Title	Written by	Original air date
401	"Series 4, Episode 1"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Joe Tucker and Ben Ward	9 April 2012 (2012-04-09)
Song: Woeful Second World War: "The Few (RAF Pilots)" (Take That parody). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond, Simon Farnaby and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: A clergyman makes an unusual patriotic request of his female parishioners. Oliver Cromwell requests that Peter Lely paint his portrait 'warts and all'. Measly Middle Ages: HH Movie Pitch: Lord Mayor Dick Whittington, pitching his life story to a panel of Hollywood producers, tries to avoid co-starring with a talking cat (pastiche of Orange mobile reminder advertisements, starring special guests Mark Gatiss, Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton of the League of Gentlemen). Terrible Tudors: Vengeful Philip II of Spain tries - and fails - repeatedly to launch "The Spanish Armada" against Britain (movie trailer) part 1. Stupid Deaths: Archery accidents. The Spanish Armada (movie trailer) part 2. Awful Egyptians: A "hot scientist" extols the "Wonders of the Egyptian Universe" (parody of Brian Cox's Wonders of the Universe). Video game: Duat! Egyptian Book of the Dead. Gorgeous Georgians: The perils of for-profit fire brigades. The toilet queues in Queen Caroline of Ansbach's court are less than dignified. Savage Stone Age: World of Stone: for all your (surprisingly extensive) stone furniture needs (advertisement). HHTV Early News: Eager customers queue up for the opening of the Bronze Age (parody of a modern technology product launch). Woeful Second World War: German fighter pilots use tourist guides to find high-profile targets during the Baedeker Blitz.
402	"Series 4, Episode 2"	Dave Cohen, Ali Crockatt, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, David Scott, George Sawyer and Ben Ward	10 April 2012 (2012-04-10)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Charles Darwin: Natural Selection" (parody of "Changes" by David Bowie). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Jim Howick. Sketches: Vile Victorians: Victoria and Albert's love story. Terrible Tudors: Martin Luther's obsession with his own effluent makes a visit to his office distinctly awkward. Henry VIII hopes to do very well indeed out of his appearance on "Cash in the Abbey" (parody of Cash in the Attic). Protestants and Catholics alike are up for a rousing game of Hide and Priest (advertisement). Savage Stone Age: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Human Evolution Report. Putrid Pirates: "Historical Apprentice": Team Pirate and Team Merchant vie to move cargo overseas (featuring special guest Chris Addison). Woeful Second World War: An attempt to foil German railway spies creates unexpected problems for the British passengers. Finding unique ways to cope with petrol rationing (animated). Slimy Stuarts: Oh Yea! Magazine: Nell Gwynn Special - Superstars of the Stuart Stage! An ambassador learns the hard way just how literally Charles II dines in public.
403	"Series 4, Episode 3"	Dave Cohen, Ali Crockatt, Charlie Martin, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, David Scott, Joe Tucker, Ben Ward and Raphael Warner	11 April 2012 (2012-04-11)
Song: Groovy Greeks: "The Thinkers" (parody of "(Theme From) The Monkees", incorporating elements of The Beatles and Monty Python). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Laurence Rickard. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: Would-be Crusader Emicho of the Rhineland sets off to find the Holy Land with the help of some very unusual guides. Dominic Duckworth: HHTV Investigates: Dodgy religious relics. Smashing Saxons: The "Historical Dentist" is confused by his modern patient's false tooth. A famine victim trades his son for ingredients on "Historical Masterchef". Groovy Greeks: A condemned Socrates patiently explains to his followers why rescuing him would be illogical. Terrible Tudors: Historical Desktops: Elizabeth I takes her search for the perfect consort online. Vile Victorians: Shouty Man: New! Great Western Railway. Great Victorian Institutions: The postal service, up to twelve deliveries a day - like it or not. Vicious Vikings: Prospective Icelandic emigrants make the most of the British real estate market - not to mention the current British tenants - in "New Home Abroad". HH Movie Pitch: King Canute tries to avoid a climactic scene by the seashore.
404	"Series 4, Episode 4"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	12 April 2012 (2012-04-12)
Song: Awesome USA: "It's a New World (Pilgrim Fathers)" (parody of "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Martha Howe-Douglas, Ben Willbond, Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Groovy Greeks: Spartans have the battle phalanx down to an art - until the warrior on the end notices a problem. "Pausanias: A True Story" tells the full story of the General's badly thought-through betrayal (movie trailer). Measly Middle Ages: HHTV News: Mike Peabody live from the Norman siege of Palermo. Stupid Deaths: Gyrth and Leofwine, King Harold II's brothers, at the Battle of Hastings. Words We Get From the: Normans. Awesome USA: The first settlers at Jamestown, Virginia nearly lose the battle with their own naivety in "Colonisation, Colonisation, Colonisation". Woeful Second World War: The Führer's guards refuse to disturb his lie-in for anything - even the news of D-Day. Dodgy War Machines No. 81: Poor toilet planning on the U-Boat (animated). Savage Stone Age: "Historical Apprentice": Team Neanderthal and Team Homo Sapiens vie to demonstrate who's more advanced. Vile Victorians: A less-than-ethical ice cream salesman. "DI Bones: Historical Crime Squad": The case of the dodgy slum diet.
405	"Series 4, Episode 5"	Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt and Laurence Rickard	13 April 2012 (2012-04-13)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Mary Seacole" (parody of "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" by Beyoncé). Performed by Dominique Moore. Sketches: Savage Stone Age: A chef from Skara Brae dispels the myth of primitive Neolithic cuisine on "Historical Masterchef". The first town planners must explain to skeptical would-be residents why a town is needed in the first place. Wild Warriors: Hannibal and his Carthaginian ruthless battle tactics star in the blockbusters "Snakes on a Ship" and its sequel, "Elephants on a Plain" (both parodies of Snakes on a Plane). Radical Renaissance: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Renaissance Report. Mona Lisa grows impatient with Leonardo da Vinci's inability to finish anything, including her portrait. Awful Egyptians: Egyptian Make Show: The mummification process. Kids can practice embalming their own dead body with Mummification (parody of Operation). Terrible Tudors: William Shakespeare is called out by a tavern drunk and ends up in a battle of insults. Oh Yea! Magazine: Elizabeth I's formidable temper. Vile Victorians: Lord Raglan explains his plan to ensure the Charge of the Light Brigade is a complete and unmitigated disaster.
406	"Series 4, Episode 6"	Dave Cohen, Ali Crockatt, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, David Scott and Ben Ward	20 April 2012 (2012-04-20)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Victoria & Albert: A Love Ballad" (parody of 1980's easy-listening romantic duets). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas and Jim Howick. Sketches: Potty Pioneers: Christopher Columbus insists to a skeptical crewman that he's discovered India - also, mermaids. HH Movie Pitch: Leif Ericsson tries to explain that the film he's pitching about discovering America before Columbus isn't a fantasy. Measly Middle Ages: HHTV's Royalty Today: Henry II's pilgrimage to Canterbury as penance for the death of Thomas Becket. All your misdeeds can now be forgiven for the right price with Cash My Sin (infomercial). Gorgeous Georgians: "Court of Historical Law": Tsarevich Peter III brings a case against a very odd defendant. Stupid Deaths: Hannah Twynnoy. Rotten Romans: A legionary on payday is dismayed to discover that he's on the wrong end of the controversy surrounding the origins of the word "salary". A reluctant army conscript comes up with some truly creative - if not very original - excuses to avoid service. God Compare helps Gaulish warriors decide to which of their pantheon to sacrifice a prisoner (parody of Go Compare advertisements). Savage Stone Age: HHTV Early Show: The first man to domesticate wild dogs tries to explain why. Mammoth hunting (animated). Vile Victorians: The Queen is exposed to some of the bugs - and birds - still to be worked out on a pre-opening tour of The Great Exhibition.
407	"Series 4, Episode 7"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	27 April 2012 (2012-04-27)
Song: Shocking Scotland: "We've got The Blue-Blooded Blues" (parody of "Sleeping on the Sidewalk" by Queen). Performed by Ben Willbond, Mathew Baynton and Martha Howe-Douglas. Sketches: Gorgeous Georgians: "Le Survival Guide" gives tips on (literally) staying cool in the French army during Napoleon's march on Moscow. HHTV Sport: Napoleon's famed strategic gifts are no match for the mechanical chess-playing Turk. "Waterloo" tells the very personal story of Le Petit Caporal's last stand (movie trailer). Vile Victorians: Fashion doesn't equal practicality. Dodgy Inventions No. 84: The SS Bessemer (animated) Rotten Romans: The Praetorian guard is much better at saluting than they are protecting Emperors - and they aren't very good at saluting. Shouty Man: New! Always-Current Emperor Statue. Shocking Scotland: Historical Dates: James Hamilton, 1st Earl of Arran, seeks a groom for his cousin, the infant Mary, Queen of Scots (played by Mathew Baynton's young son). Woeful Second World War: MI5 is willing to recruit literally anyone to help the war effort, including a dead tramp. A Berlin housewife demonstrates some truly outlandish wartime substitutes on "Historical Masterchef". Measly Middle Ages: A snowball fight interrupts the Earl of Lancaster's execution. Stupid Deaths: Richard the Raker.
408	"Series 4, Episode 8"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Katherine Jakeways, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	4 May 2012 (2012-05-04)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "The Luddites!" (parody of early punk rock, feat. the Sex Pistols and The Clash). Performed by Jim Howick, Mathew Baynton, Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Vicious Vikings: A "gorgeous scientist" extols the "Wonders of the Viking Universe". Historical Dates: A Nordic warrior outlines his courting and marriage requirements. Rotten Romans: Nero provides typically disastrous disaster relief to the victims of the Great Fire of Rome. Video game: Scorpus Chariot Racer. Nasty Knights: Stupid Deaths: Richard the Lionheart. A Crusader prepares new recruits for the exotic monsters they might encounter in the Holy Land. New! Mellified Man: a mummy in honey that's yummy! (advertisement). Gorgeous Georgians: "Historical Apprentice": Viscount "Turnip" Townshend (special guest Chris Addison) and his Team Whig vie with peasant Team Go Wurzel to negotiate the agricultural revolution. Groovy Greeks: Interpreting messages from the gods. Shouty Man: New! Ancient Greek Tattoo Messenger. Terrible Tudors: The "Historical Dentist" suggests some genuinely disgusting painkillers. HHTV Behind the Throne: Interview with Sir Thomas Heneage, Henry VIII's Groom of the Stool.
409	"Series 4, Episode 9"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	11 May 2012 (2012-05-11)
Song: Radical Renaissance: "The Borgia Family" (parody of "Addams Family Theme"). Performed by Jim Howick, Mathew Baynton, Martha Howe-Douglas, and Ben Willbond. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: Edward III's wedding at newly built York Minster hits some unexpected snags. Unexpected snags are also the order of the day for the French side in "Agincourt: The Movie" (movie trailer). Vile Victorians: Planning a robbery gets complicated when the new recruit doesn't understand the slang. Real Victorian Hustle: A Faginesque crime boss and his small associate demonstrate common street cons. Rotten Romans: Balding but still style-conscious Julius Caesar invents the "Romeover" (advertisement). HHTV News: Bob Hale's Roman Britain Report. Radical Renaissance: A young church official investigates corruption at the court of Pope Alexander VI (parody of The Godfather). Gorgeous Georgians: The "Historical Dentist" offers some bizarre options for cleaning teeth. Changing wig fashions lead to spats among the fashionable aristocracy. Groovy Greeks: Words We Get From the: Greeks (medical). Dominic Duckworth: HHTV Investigates: Asclepeion doctor-priests - dedicated healers or daring frauds?
410	"Series 4, Episode 10"	Dave Cohen, Ali Crockatt, Gerard Foster, Katherine Jakeways, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, David Scott and Ben Ward	18 May 2012 (2012-05-18)
Song: Terrible Tudors: "Mary the First" (parody of "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush). Performed by Sarah Hadland. Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: HHTV News: Mike Peabody live from the last Saxon stronghold on the Isle of Ely. Enjoy hours of fun and conscience-free conquest with Normanopoly (parody of Monopoly). Groovy Greeks: Diogenes debates life in a barrel with a startled passer-by. Stupid Deaths: Pythagoras. Vile Victorians: Historical Wife Swap: The Tombleby-Pumblechooks of Mayfair swap with the Smikes of the London slums. Smashing Saxons: Belief in various mythological monsters badly complicates a journey. Historical Dates: A peasant doesn't see why his lack of hygiene should impede his love life. Putrid Pirates: Keelhauling as exfoliating beauty treatment (advertisement). HHTV Cribs: Blackbeard shows off his ship. Terrible Tudors: Edward VI's whipping boy, Barnaby Fitzpatrick, faces the wrath of the royal tutors.
411	"Series 4, Episode 11"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Charlie Martin, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Joe Tucker and Ben Ward	25 May 2012 (2012-05-25)
Song: Terrible Tudors: "William Shakespeare & the Quills" (big band parody). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Ben Willbond, Jim Howick, Martha Howe-Douglas, Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: Charles II tries to mediate between Royal Astronomer John Flamsteed and the ravens of the Tower of London. Tobacco is the signature cure-all at Dr Culpepper's Health Spa (advertisement). Nasty Knights: A Crusader has his old crone prepare some disturbing dishes from the latest campaign on "Historical Masterchef". Elsewhere, another returning Crusader's wife is less than impressed by his latest homecoming gifts. Terrible Tudors: The News in Tudor Criminal Slang (with signer for hard of hearing). A spelling bee in the age of non-formalised spelling. Measly Middle Ages: Historical Desktops: King John's concern for his social media status leads him to accidentally sign Magna Carta. Jocelin had e-mailed him the document. Awful Egyptians: The "Historical Dentist" diagnoses "mouth-worms" as the cause of a patient's toothache. The results of New! Egyptian 2000 hair dye are best appreciated from a distance (advertisement). Vile Victorians: A suitor's efforts to warn his beloved's father of a fire are hampered by its very impolite location. House-hunting in the slums.
412	"Series 4, Episode 12"	Dave Cohen, Rosanna Lowe, Charlie Martin, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	1 June 2012 (2012-06-01)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "(We're the) Georgian Navy" (parody of "Vindaloo" by Fat Les, incorporating John Barnes's rap from World in Motion). Written by Greg Jenner and Giles Pilbrow. Performed by Jim Howick, Mathew Baynton, Ben Willbond, Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Vile Victorians: It's always a one-way ticket for the coffins transported on the London Necropolis Railway. Stupid Deaths: Robert Cocking. Rotten Romans: The "Historical Dentist" goes to extreme measures to get ingredients for a treatment. What happened if the criminals thrown from the Tarpeian Rock weren't killed by the fall. Terrible Tudors: There's lots of meat on the menu on "Historical Masterchef". Paranoid Henry VIII demands extreme security measures before he can sleep. Smashing Saxons: When a bank was literally a bank - of earth. HH Movie Pitch: Alfred the Great tries to avoid being typecast as "Cake Guy". Groovy Greeks: Words We Get From the: Greeks (scholarly). "Historical Mastermind": Nikos Ancientgreekios, category "Greek Inventions". Alexander the Great takes the most direct route to solving the riddle of the Gordian knot. Gorgeous Georgians: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Napoleon Report.
413	"Savage Songs Special"	Dave Cohen, Caroline Norris, Giles Pillbrow	4 June 2012 (2012-06-04)
Savage Songs: Chronological compilation of standout music videos from the fourth series as chosen by the producers. One song is omitted in order to include longer inset skits, featuring puppet host Rattus Rattus babysitting his young nephew. "The Thinkers" (from S04E03), "Mary I" (S04E10), "William Shakespeare" (S04E11), "The New World (Pilgrim Fathers)" (S04E04), "Luddites!" (S04E08), "Victoria & Albert: A Love Ballad" (S04E06), "Mary Seacole" (S04E05), "Charles Darwin: Natural Selection" (S04E02) and "The Few (RAF Pilots)" (S04E01).

Series 5: 2013

Episode	Title	Written by	Original air date
501	"Series 5, Episode 1"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	27 May 2013 (2013-05-27)
Song: Troublesome 20th Century: "Rosa Parks: I Sat on a Bus" (Parody of "Respect" by Aretha Franklin). Performed by Dominique Moore with Gospel Singers Incognito. Sketches: Smashing Saxons: Woden calls on select members of his pantheon to form... part of a unit of time? in "Weekdays Assemble" (parody of Avengers Assemble). A farmer shares his surefire - if ridiculously complex - secret for growing crops with his neighbour. Slimy Stuarts: The "Historical Grimefighters" from the Great Plague of London in 1665 arrive to clean up after Charles II's courtiers (parody of Grimefighters). Groovy Greeks: Video game: Play as elderly Archimedes and outwit the brawny opposition in Ultimate City Defender. Alms-distributing Aesop ends up on the wrong end of the story of the pretentious fable-writer and the angry mob. Vile Victorians: "The Only Way is Hertfordshire": Upper-class women share their most outrageous beauty secrets (parody of The Only Way is Essex). The Beach Watch tries to remain modest and do their jobs at the same time. Troublesome 20th Century: Neil Armstrong pitches his Apollo 11 Weight Loss Programme (advertisement). Measly Middle Ages: A vow of love means a knight must head into battle with a serious handicap. Richard the Lionheart can barely wait for his coronation to be over before heading off to the Crusades. Gorgeous Georgians: Hostile Environment Training: Escorting an unpopular nobleman through the streets of London. Jonathan Wild, Thief-Taker General, hits upon a novel method of keeping himself employed (parody of Sherlock).
502	"Series 5, Episode 2"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	28 May 2013 (2013-05-28)
Song: Vicious Vikings: "Vikings and Garfunkel" (Simon & Garfunkel parody). Performed by Jim Howick and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: Highwayman Claude Duval unexpectedly charms his victims. Woeful Second World War: Dodgy War Inventions No. 92: Bat bombs. The Allied cover story to hide their new radar tracking systems translates to an unusual new diet for German pilots. Groovy Greeks: CD set: "Now That's What I Call Greek Battle Music!" (advertisement). A bride must transform herself into not only her warrior groom's dream but his double in "Don't Tell the Spartan Bride". Troublesome 20th Century: The officers of the RMS Titanic run through a highly dubious safety measures check. Stupid Deaths: Arthur John Priest. Vicious Vikings: The traditional warrior method of settling a dispute: peaceful negotiation. Terrible Tudors: Time to get ready for the Religious Switchover (parody of the Digital Switchover). Botched executions are caught on the candid cameras of "Thou Hast Been Framed!" (parody of You've Been Framed!). Gorgeous Georgians: HH Movie Pitch: Mary Shelley tries for a Frankenstein reboot in which the monster is correctly named... Adam? Brooding Lord Byron is forced to disillusion a breathless groupie in "Twit Light" (parody of the Twilight movie series).
503	"Series 5, Episode 3"	Chris Chantler, Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Howard Read, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	29 May 2013 (2013-05-29)
Song: Vile Victorians: "Charles Dickens" (The Smiths parody, feat. "This Charming Man" and "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and special guest Al Murray. Sketches: Awful Egyptians: The Persian army comes up with an inspired - and very cute - variant on a human shield at the Battle of Pelusium. I Love Cats magazine: Everything the ancient cat-lover needs to know. Shocking Scotland: While on the run, Bonnie Prince Charlie gets some gender-bending assistance from a resourceful peasant woman. HH Movie Pitch: Robert the Bruce tries to avoid starring in "Spider-Guy II". Savage Stone Age: Invention no. 28: Wearing clothes. Testing a radical new innovation in horse riding on "Historical Top Gear" (parody of Top Gear). Vile Victorians: Victorian Word Battles: Charles Dickens vs. Lewis Carroll over their quixotic contributions to the English language. Groovy Greeks: "Greek Come Dine With Me": Great classical thinkers approach dinner with varying degrees of philosophy. Terrible Tudors: Francis Walsingham's postal service advert with bloopers. HHTV News: Bob Hale's Mary, Queen of Scots Report; the Ridolfi plot and Babington Plots fail. Ruthless Rulers: "Gross Designs": Vlad the Impaler takes landscaping to deliberately insane extremes (parody of Grand Designs). Stupid Deaths: Ivan the Terrible.
504	"Series 5, Episode 4"	Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	30 May 2013 (2013-05-30)
Song: Rotten Romans: "Crassus: Minted" (parody of Bonkers by Dizzee Rascal and Armand van Helden). Performed by Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: Dominic Duckworth: HHTV Investigates: Charles II's supposed ability to cure scrofula with a touch. Woeful Second World War: German attempts to train canine spies get a bit over-optimistic. The story of very furry Polish Corporal Wojtek (animated). Vicious Vikings: I Can't Believe You Fed Me Seal Blubber! (parody of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! advertisements). Erik the Red makes a commercial (and gets frostbite) in an attempt to lure settlers to the "sun-drenched paradise" of Greenland (parody of Iceland advertisements). Rotten Romans: "Thou Hast Been Framed!" features the best of royal bloopers. Gorgeous Georgians: A noble patron is bewildered by a visit to Jeremy Bentham's office. Words We Get From: Jeremy Bentham. Stupid Deaths: Madame Blanchard. Measly Middle Ages: Keeping up with tumultuous medieval times just got easier thanks to Anglo-Saxon Chronicle magazine (newsmagazine parody). "Historical Apprentice": Team Johannes Gutenberg and Team Monk vie to demonstrate the most efficient printing technology. Vile Victorians: Grace Darling discovers a unique peril of pre-Internet celebrity. HHTV Sport: Live - if disbelieving - with Emma Sharp, the woman who walked a thousand miles in as many hours.
505	"Series 5, Episode 5"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	31 May 2013 (2013-05-31)
Song: Fabulous French: "Joan of Arc" (parody of Price Tag by Jessie J feat. B.o.B). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas with Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Smashing Saxons: A "surprisingly handsome" scientist extols the "Wonders of the Saxon Universe"; people in Magonia cause storms. King Aethelred is suspicious of witchcraft on first meeting Brother Augustine. Slimy Stuarts: Aromatherapy takes a deeply dubious turn with the invention of the Whiffy jar. Samuel Pepys makes some equally dubious publishing decisions as treasurer of the Royal Society. Woeful Second World War: Sacrifice your health for your country's at the Sorby Research Institute. Wartime mechanic and future monarch Elizabeth II also stars in a sprightly "Queen-Fit-Fitters" jingle (parody of Kwik-fit advertisements) . Groovy Greeks: For Spartans, identifying cowardice in battle was simple - or was it? Spartan Girl dolls come with some offbeat accessories (advertisement). Gorgeous Georgians: "History's Greatest Escapes": The wife of the Earl of Nithsdale has a daring plan to break him out of the Tower of London. Terrible Tudors: Tudor Wildlife Magazine: Henry VIII discusses his conservation schemes - specifically, conserving farmland by placing bounties indiscriminately on the wildlife. Stupid Deaths: Hans Staininger. Fabulous French: The Dauphin of France introduces Joan of Arc to his openly skeptical army.
506	"Series 5, Episode 6"	Dave Cohen, Ali Crockatt, Gerard Foster, Oriane Messina, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, David Scott and Ben Ward	4 June 2013 (2013-06-04)
Song: Groovy Greeks: "Alexander the Great" (stadium rock parody). Performed by Ben Willbond with Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Mathew Baynton . Sketches: Vile Victorians: Queen Victoria's solemn coronation hits some less-than-dignified snags. Prince Albert's moustaches are ridiculous - until they become the fashion (featuring special guest Al Murray). Rotten Romans: Shouty Man: New! Roman Dog, the cuddly multi-"furpose" companion. Cato the Elder and his equally universal cabbage cures. Gorgeous Georgians: "Georgian Come Dine With Me": A round of dinner parties with George III, George IV, Beau Brummell, and Sake Dean Mahomed includes a trip to the first curry house in London. Groovy Greeks: Alexander the Great's Conquest of Greece board game comes with mandatory multiple expansion packs. Potty Pioneers: The "Historical Grimefighters" are there to witness - if not be impressed by - medical history in the making at Alexander Fleming's laboratory. HH Movie Pitch: Ernest Shackleton tries to pitch a thrilling adventure story about not actually reaching the South Pole. Savage Stone Age: CD set: "Now That's What Me Call Music!" - featuring the first-ever musical notes played on the first-ever instrument (advertisement). "Historical Springwatch": Exploring the hidden lives of Pleistocene wildlife, if they aren't eaten by cavemen first (parody of Springwatch). Putrid Pirates: A nobleman needs pirate slang translated. HHTV Sport: Live from the Pirate Races, riding on captured monks.
507	"Series 5, Episode 7"	Lucy Clarke, Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	11 June 2013 (2013-06-11)
Song: Measly Middle Ages: "Owain Glyndŵr: First Prince of Wales" ("Delilah" by Tom Jones and Kiss by Prince parody). Performed by Jim Howick with Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby and Ben Willbond. Sketches: Rotten Romans: Army officers might just be underestimating the possibility of a barbarian ambush in the Teutoburg Forest. An Emperor becomes a legend in "Augustus: the Movie" - with some not-so-incidental help from the guy who actually did all the work (movie trailer). Terrible Tudors: "Who on Earth Are You?": Attempting to establish a plausible royal pedigree for Lambert Simnel, pretender to the throne of Henry VII. Henry VIII shows off the Tudor King Lift. Woeful Second World War: HHTV News: Bob Hale's World War II Report. Gorgeous Georgians: The odd antics of absentminded Reverend Harvest. Some equally offbeat celebrities are featured on "Georgian Showbiz News". Awful Egyptians: A cure for baldness might be more trouble than it's worth. A lavish makeup kit turns out to be Only For Men (advertisement). Measly Middle Ages: "Gross Designs": Edward I plans a massive extension in Wales.
508	"Series 5, Episode 8"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	18 June 2013 (2013-06-18)
Song: Potty Pioneers: "Transportation" (parody of "Greased Lightnin'" from Grease). Performed by Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Ben Willbond. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: Edward De Vere passes wind in Elizabeth I's court. Stupid Deaths: Diane de Poitiers. Vicious Vikings: Shouty Man: New! Runic Alphabet. A merchant hawking Old Norse religious relics has to do some fast thinking to cope with the introduction of Christianity. Troublesome 20th Century: HHTV Sport: Profiling Lily Parr, only female inductee into the Football Hall of Fame. French performance-art sensation Le Pétomane releases - in every sense of the word - his first DVD. Potty Pioneers: George Stephenson makes the case for his railway plans to some very skeptical politicians. Isambard Kingdom Brunel joins the song. Shocking Scotland: Black Agnes defends against the Earl of Salisbury's siege of Dunbar Castle. Woeful Second World War: Interbellum hyperinflation complicates an episode of "Who Wants to Be a German Millionaire?" (parody of Wer wird Millionär?). Gals' Magazine: Yankee Crazy! Comparing the (very) average British squaddie with a shiny-new American GI. Rotten Romans: A farmer protests against the building of the Hadrian's Wall. HH Movie Pitch: Can Julius Caesar's unconventional rise to power really earn him the first movie deal?
509	"Series 5, Episode 9"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Greg Jenner, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	25 June 2013 (2013-06-25)
Song: Terrible Tudors: "Henry VII: The Original Tu-Tu-Tudor" (glam rock parody). Performed by Mathew Baynton with Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard and Simon Farnaby. Sketches: Slimy Stuarts: Plague victim finder recruitment comes with some built-in occupational hazards. Charles II's attempt to discourage anti-government plotters leads to some difficulty in securing a hot beverage. Rotten Romans: A "handsome scientist" extols the "Wonders of the Roman Universe". The Battle of Drepanum hinges on the fate of a sacred - and not incidentally seasick - chicken. Measly Middle Ages: The experts of "Middle Ages Antiques Roadshow" assess the value of a well-travelled lump of medicinal metal (parody of Antiques Roadshow). Creating your own miracles is easy with the Middle Ages Magic Set (advertisement). Terrible Tudors: Lord Stanley literally waits to the last minute to decide whom to fight for at the Battle of Bosworth Field. Awful Egyptians: "Historical Wife Swap": Pharaoh Rameses II and Queen Nefertari swap with a peasant family. Vile Victorians: Thomas Edison makes an essential - if rather surprising - improvement to the new telephone. Photographic Monthly Chronicle: Pioneering photographer William Henry Fox Talbot shares his tips for a great photo, including neck irons; post-mortem photography, the latest craze in remembering the dead. Savage Stone Age: Words We Get From the: Stone Age. A cave couple are hopeful of a more permanent home in "A Historical Place in the Sun" (parody of A Place in the Sun).
510	"Series 5, Episode 10"	Chris Chantler, Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Rosanna Lowe, Charlie Martin, Howard Read, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	2 July 2013 (2013-07-02)
Song: Measly Middle Ages: "Matilda(s) and Stephen ... and Henry" (Mamma Mia by ABBA) parody. Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas, Laurence Rickard, Alice Lowe and Jim Howick. Sketches: Rotten Romans: Shouty Man: New! Roman Baths. Stupid Deaths: Emperor Domitian. Vile Victorians: The mill owner Titus Salt investigates the horrific plight of his own workers and comes to some surprising conclusions on "Victorian Undercover Proprietor" (parody of Undercover Boss). Measly Middle Ages: Soldiers are less than impressed to learn they're fighting the War of the Bucket. Gorgeous Georgians: "Historical Apprentice": James Watt and Team (Spinning) Jenny vie to produce textiles. "Mad Jack" Mytton's wildly unconventional election campaign. Troublesome 20th Century: HHTV News: Live from a schoolboy strike in Llanelli. Suffragettes find a surefire way to reach the powerful. Terrible Tudors: "Real Tudor Hustle": Market day scams exploit the greedy and gullible. A forehead brand for perjury proves hard to explain during a job interview.
511	"Series 5, Episode 11"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Howard Read, Laurence Rickard, Joe Tucker and Ben Ward	9 July 2013 (2013-07-09)
Song: Gorgeous Georgians: "Australia" (parody of I Should Be So Lucky and Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue). Performed by Martha Howe-Douglas with Simon Farnaby and Ben Willbond. Sketches: Vile Victorians: "DI Bones: Historical Crime Squad": The case of the baffling velocipede accident. My Little Pit Pony dolls fit perfectly in their accompanying Coal Mine playset (advertisement, parody of My Little Pony). Awful Egyptians: Planning a funeral means it's all in the many details for a hapless husband on "Don't Tell the Corpse". It's fun for the whole literate priesthood only with Hieroglabble (Scrabble parody). Rotten Romans: Stupid Deaths: Pliny the Elder. "Historical Apprentice": Team Maximus and Team Minimus vie to create and exploit a celebrity gladiator. Gorgeous Georgians: Arthur Phillip awaits supply replenishments. Salvation is close at hand for the beleaguered settlers of Port Jackson--or is it? Woeful Second World War: Historical Desktops: Neville Chamberlain gauges the reaction to his new European peace settlement. Winston Churchill, Britain's Wittiest Man, releases his first comedy special on DVD. Measly Middle Ages: Great Historical Country Walks: The 'harrowing of the countryside' (Harrying of the North) wasn't as pleasant as it sounds. The fad for French words causes confusion at a dinner party.
512	"Series 5, Episode 12"	Dave Cohen, Chris Chantler, Gerard Foster, Giles Pilbrow, Howard Read, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	16 July 2013 (2013-07-16)
Song: Potty Pioneers: "We're History (The Finale)" (charity single parody)". Performed by Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Martha Howe-Douglas, Jim Howick, Laurence Rickard, Ben Willbond, Sarah Hadland, Lawry Lewin, Dominique Moore, Alice Lowe and Giles Terera. Sketches: Vile Victorians: Good Day Magazine: Profiling eccentric "Little Giant" Isambard Kingdom Brunel and his many massive engineering projects. Meanwhile, Mary Anning finds much more than seashells by the seashore. Groovy Greeks: Words We Get From the: Greeks. A surprisingly modest - but still slightly mad - scientist extols the "Wonders of the Greek Universe". Awful Egyptians: HH Movie Pitch: Rameses II tries to make his case as the other iconic Ancient Egyptian ruler. A prospective labourer is dismayed to discover it wasn't all about building majestic monuments. Troublesome 20th Century: HHTV News: Bob Hale's Space Race Report. Measly Middle Ages: "Making It in the Middle Ages" takes a look at the wannabe cool science of alchemy featuring Bernard de Treviso. Stupid Deaths: John of Bohemia. Woeful Second World War: The war effort cuts into pool time at the Carlton Ladies Club (animated). Expert landscaper Alan Smallbog attempts to demonstrate some further wartime sacrifices on "Homefront Gardening" (parody of Alan Titchmarsh).
513	"Series 5, Episode 13"	Dave Cohen, Caroline Norris, Ben Ward	23 July 2013 (2013-07-23)
Savage Songs: Chronological compilation of standout music videos from the fifth series as chosen by the producers. One song is omitted to make room for the longer finale song. "Alexander the Great" (from S05E06), "Crassus: Minted" (S05E04), "Vikings and Garfunkel" (S05E02), "Joan of Arc" (S05E05), "Henry VII: The Original Tu-Tu-Tudor" (S05E09), "Transportation" (S05E08), "Charles Dickens" (S05E03), "Rosa Parks: I Sat on a Bus" (S05E01), "We're History (The Finale)" (S05E12).

Specials

Title	Written by	Original air date
"Horrible Christmas"	Lucy Clarke, Gerard Foster, Jon Holmes, Giles Pilbrow and Laurence Rickard	17 December 2010 (2010-12-17)
Songs: In lieu of the usual single music video, the often less-than-inspiring origins of classic carols from various historical eras are explored with the help of a traditional group of carollers, including Mathew Baynton, Simon Farnaby, Jim Howick, Martha Howe-Douglas, Alice Lowe and Ben Willbond. Measly Middle Ages: "(Not-So) Silent Night" ("Silent Night" parody). Smashing Saxons: "Bad Duke Wenceslas" ("Good King Wenceslas" parody). Slimy Stuarts: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" parody) Vile Victorians: "O Christmas Tree" ("O Christmas Tree" parody) Sketches: Measly Middle Ages: Henry II's unique jester, Roland the Farter, and his tradition of breaking wind on Christmas Day. Carol song. Scary Stories: "The Night Before Childermass" (a poem). HHTV News: William the Conqueror's Christmas Crowning Riot. Smashing Saxons: A group of peasants are delighted to receive useful gifts of various types of animal dung (from S01E08). Carol song. Terrible Tudors: Mr. Tudor advertises his Exceedingly Nice Mince Pies (parody of Mr. Kipling). Meat, meat and more meat are on the menu on "Historical Masterchef". Elizabeth I's Christmas present is an innovation fit for a Queen - a teeny clock on a strap (re-used in S03E05). Slimy Stuarts: Oliver Cromwell has his visiting relatives arrested for wishing him a Merry Christmas (from S02E02). Carol song. Charles II delivers a characteristic Royal Christmas Message for 1666. Vile Victorians: A prison Christmas. Carol song. Odd Christmas cards. Frightful First World War: HHTV Sport: Opposing sides play a friendly game of football during the Christmas truce of 1914.
"The Horrible Histories Big Prom Party"	Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard and Ben Ward	30 July 2011 (2011-07-30) – Radio 9 September 2011 (2011-09-09) – TV
Music from Horrible Histories was the theme of the 2011 free BBC children's Prom, held at the Royal Albert Hall. The concert was hosted by Rattus Rattus the puppet rat and featured the starring cast of the TV show performing a selection of songs from the first three series, interspersed with classical pieces from the same historical eras performed by the Aurora Orchestra. On hand to assist were the Choir from the Music Centre and the Kids Company Choir. The subsequent hourlong BBC television special features all the songs but one (an extended reprise of "The Plague Song"), excerpts from the classical pieces and original linking sketches set in-and-around the concert hall. Program: Overture: Mike Peabody reports from outside the Hall. Arrival of Queen Victoria, Charles II, and Rattus Rattus. Excerpt from Strauss's Also sprach Zarathustra. "Horrible Histories Theme Tune", performed by the combined choirs. HHTV News: Bob Hale's Orchestra Report. Excerpt from John Cage's 4'33". "Born 2 Rule". George III and George IV uneasily share a dressing room. Excerpt from Liszt's Danse Macabre. Queen Victoria takes her seat. "The Truth About Richard III". William Shakespeare comments from backstage. Excerpt from Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet. Rattus Rattus checks in from a box seat. Queen Victoria is offered a selection of odd historical snacks. "The Wives of Henry VIII: Divorced Beheaded Died". Charles II interrupts a mock-execution set to Berlioz's March to the Scaffold. "Charles II: King of Bling". George III and George IV look over the rest of the program in their dressing room. Excerpt from Handel's Royal Fireworks Music. Rattus Rattus checks in. Interval: Mike Peabody meets an Early Man who's late arriving for the concert. Shouty Man promotes the "brand-new" Royal Albert Hall. Queen Victoria, Charles II, George III, and George IV queue impatiently for the royal toilets, behind Henry VIII and his Groom of the Stool. Excerpt from Marche pour la cérémonie des Turcs. Stupid Deaths: Jean-Baptiste Lully. Mozart and Beethoven have a heated onstage debate over the title of Greatest Composer Who Ever Lived. Overture from Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro. Rattus Rattus checks in. "George IV: Couldn't Stand My Wife". Excerpt from Mendelssohn's "Wedding March". William Shakespeare and the Early Man find themselves together in a box. Mike Peabody with a breaking exclusive: Queen Victoria is unable to perform; another legendary Queen has stepped in at the last minute. "Ra Ra Cleopatra". William Shakespeare and the Early Man discuss language and literature with great pretentiousness and a club, respectively. "The Ages of Stone". The Vikings invade the stage to Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". "Literally (The Viking Song)". The entire cast joins the choirs onstage for the "Horrible Histories Theme Tune (Close)".
"Sport Relief 2012"	Unknown	23 March 2012 (2012-03-23)
Stephen Fry introduces two HHTV Sport sketches starring real-life UK sporting heroes: Amir Khan takes on various historical boxers and Jermain Defoe meets a Tudor football team. Meanwhile, Bob Hale gives the Sport Relief Report.
"The Diamond Jubilee sketches"	Unknown	3 June 2012 (2012-06-03)
During the BBC live coverage of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations, Bob Hale presented the Thames Report from Tower Bridge. Two more sketches - involving Charles II, Richard III, Queen Victoria, and a HHTV News correspondent - were scheduled but eventually cancelled due to time constraints, although the first two characters did appear briefly with a BBC reporter in a "what's upcoming" promo. Series producer Caroline Norris later confirmed the unaired material would never be subsequently filmed, since it was especially written for the occasion.
"Blue Peter's Big Olympic Tour"	Unknown	16 June 2012 (2012-06-16)
Episode 4 of Blue Peter's Big Olympic Tour featured a new Horrible Histories music video, "Flame (It's Gonna Burn Forever)", which tells the origin and history of the Olympic Games. Parody of "Theme from Fame". Performed by Laurence Rickard, Mathew Baynton, Jim Howick, Ben Willbond and Giles Terera.
"Sport Special"	Dave Cohen, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Mark Shillabeer, Colin Swash and Ben Ward	20 July 2012 (2012-07-20)
In honour of the 2012 London Olympic Games, the show presents a compilation of sport-themed sketches both old and new, with linking segments featuring Giles Terera's HHTV Sport presenter and Rattus Rattus. Includes a reprise of the Olympic song, "Flame (It's Gonna Burn Forever)". Sketches: HHTV Sport: Live from the Battle of Marathon, where dedicated messenger Pheidippides is about to inadvertently invent what's sure to become an iconic long-distance race... if only we could figure out what to call it... Mad Marathon Cheats: Counting down the top three most blatant, including Rosie Ruiz, Fred Lorz, and twins Sergio and Fika Motsoeneng. Barmy Boxing: Stupid Deaths: Unnamed contemporary of famous Greek boxer Theagenes of Thasos beats his rival's statue until it topples over onto him (S03E02). Ex-slave Bill Richmond revolutionises Georgian boxing with one simple innovation (S02E02). Shocking Scotland: HHTV Sport: Live with the winner of the "twist a hindquarter off a dead cow" event at the new Highland Games (S03E07). Foul Football: Two Three Five magazine: Profiling Victorian-era Sheffield United celebrity goalkeeper William "Fatty" Foulke. HHTV Sport: Live during a rare moment of players not trying to kill each other in a Tudor-era inter-village football match (S02E08). Rotten Romans: The origin of the gladiatorial games involved staging fights to the death at funerals (S01E01). Video game: Scorpus Chariot Racer (S04E08). Outlandish Olympics: HH Movie Pitch: The Baron de Coubertin is forced to admit his idea for a modern Games revival wasn't exactly original. HHTV Sport: Live as the (severely disappointed) winner of the Ancient Greek Isthmian Games is crowned with celery (S03E12).
"Scary Special"	Mathew Baynton, Dave Cohen, Toby Davies, Gerard Foster, Chris Pell, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard and Ben Willbond	29 October 2012 (2012-10-29)
To celebrate Halloween, Death, host of "Stupid Deaths", uses spooky songs and sketches from past Horrible Histories episodes to illustrate a list of his "Top 12 Scary Things", interspersed with new linking segments from his mum's chintz-intensive home in the suburbs. Sketches: No. 12: Witches. Wicked Witches: Witchfinder's Direct infomercial (from S01E03). No. 11: Aliens. Measly Middle Ages: Scary Stories: "The Children of Woolpit" (S02E03). No. 10: More Witches. Terrible Tudors: Witches as pets (previously unaired sketch). No. 9: Rotten Romans: Emperor Nero's complicated love life features in "Love You To Death" (spoof of romantic comedy trailers, from S02E03). No. 8: Deaths. Measly Middle Ages: Stupid Deaths: Henry I is made fatally ill by a meal of eels (S03E08). No. 7: Vicious Vikings: Exploring ways to intimidate with war paint (S02E08). No. 6: Horror. Woeful Second World War: A city child is evacuated to what he thinks is a den of monsters in "The Farm" (spoof of horror movie trailers, from S02E09). No. 5: Angry Aztecs: "Discaztec (Ain't Staying Alive)" (music video from S03E09, here sped up slightly to fit). No. 4: Georgian Art. Fabulous French: "Madame Tussaud's Make Show", featuring freshly guillotined models (S03E08). No. 3: Putrid Pirates: "Historical Hospital": The pirate doctor is actually the ship's carpenter, and he's about to perform an amputation (S02E02). No. 2: Executions. Gorgeous Georgians: HHTV News: Live report from the public hanging of anti-hero Jack Sheppard (S02E04). No. 1: Death himself. "Death's Favourite Things", parody of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music feat. "Thriller"-style zombie chorus (new song, written by Greg Jenner and performed by Simon Farnaby).
"Ridiculous Romance"	Dave Cohen, Rosanna Lowe, Giles Pilbrow, Laurence Rickard, Joe Tucker, Ben Ward, Raphael Warner	14 February 2014 (2014-02-14)
It's Valentine's Day, Horrible Histories-style... meaning the course of true love is about guaranteed not to run smoothly. Rattus Rattus presents a mix of old and new sketches and songs on the theme, in-between preparations for his own (hopefully) romantic dinner with new love Ratalie (continued in sequel "Ridiculous Romantics", S07E03, 2017). Song: Famous lovers from throughout history assemble to confess their caddishness in "Love Rats" (parody of "The Love Cats" by The Cure). Performed by Ben Willbond, Jim Howick, Simon Farnaby, Martha Howe-Douglas, and Mathew Baynton. Sketches: Terrible Tudors: "Dating in Darkness": Henry VIII doesn't realise that he's been deceived by Anne of Cleves's flattering portrait until it's too late (parody of Dating in the Dark). Elizabeth I's temper tantrum over another portrait may help explain why she never married (from S02E01). Measly Middle Ages: William the Conqueror skips the charm and cuts straight to the shoving in "Mud and Matilda" (spoof of romantic comedy movie trailers, from S03E11). My Middle Ages Wedding Magazine: All the tips you need to make your Dark Ages day special, including how to make sure the thrown cakes are nice and soft. Rotten Romans: Historical Desktops: Mark Antony inadvertently demonstrates the (extreme) dangers of online dating when he accepts a friend request from Cleopatra (S02E02). Emperor Nero's similarly complicated love life features in "Love You To Death" (spoof of romantic comedy trailers, from S02E03). Gorgeous Georgians: "History's Greatest Escapes": The Countess of Nithsdale demonstrates her devotion to her husband by breaking him out of the Tower of London (S05E05). Vile Victorians: A picnicking couple have a lover's spat over the lady's strict insistence on etiquette, while another negotiates a messy break-up via floral messaging system (both S03E01). "Victoria & Albert: A Love Ballad" (music video, from S04E06).
"Frightful First World War Special"	Dave Cohen, Gerard Foster, Caroline Norris, Giles Pilbrow, Steve Punt, Laurence Rickard, Ben Ward	4 August 2014 (2014-08-04)
On the 100th anniversary of the outbreak of the original Great War, Bob Hale and Rattus Rattus host a chronological look at some of the more strange, sad, and outright Horrible aspects of the conflict. Sketches: 1914: Outlining the causes of the war as simply as possible - that is, not very (from S01E08). A naive young recruit to the trenches tries to learn the ropes (from S03E03). The dos and don'ts of keeping the war effort going strong at home, including a ban on feeding ducks (educational film parody). Image consultants tackle the touchy problem of renaming people and things with German antedecents. "Now That's What I Call Trench Music!" (advertisement). HHTV Sport: Opposing sides play a friendly game of football during the Christmas truce of 1914 (from the Christmas Special). 1915: Computer game: "Flying Aces". Shouty Man: New! WWI Wee-Wee, the multi-purpose liquid revolution (S03E03). Sign up for the Girl Guides and learn to be a spy for the secret service. 1916: Summing up the less-than-encouraging results of the Somme campaign (S03E01). Wartime improvisation is the order of the day on "Historical Masterchef" (S03E11). Boosting morale in the trenches via the satirical Wipers Times magazine. 1917: A general arrives to inspect the troops and discovers just how hard up both sides are for new recruits (S03E09). "Cousins": George V, Kaiser Wilhelm II, and Tsar Nicholas II sing of the war's impact on their family ties (new song, incorporates parody of the Charleston). 1918: The Red Baron's demands for a new war trophy are hampered by a shortage of silver. Trapped in occupied France, Patrick Fowler must find creative ways to hide from his German housemates in "Big Bother" (parody of Big Brother). Scenes from the poignantly pointless chaos in the trenches, in the few minutes between learning of the 11 November truce and its actual implementation. "The Suffragettes' Song" (music video, from S03E08).

See also

• List of Horrible Histories (2015 TV series) episodes