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Discussion during review at Articles for Creationedit
Latest comment: 6 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
@Smartgoon: Hello, Smartgoon. I think the subject of your draft merits an article on Wikipedia. But before accepting it for publication, there are several matters that should be addressed.
The introduction is far too detailed. It should simply be a summary of the article, and not an extensive collection of additional detail. Perhaps some of that material can be moved down into the body of the text.
Some of the sources are talking about a person named "Drinkwater". Is this the same person as the subject? A co-conspirator?
A previous reviewer informed you that you needed to remove the external links from the text of the article. But you went too far, in that you also removed a good many internal links. Internal links (sometimes called "wiki-links") are those that simply take the reader to another article on Wikipedia. Not only are these types of links acceptable, it is difficult to imagine a well-written article that doesn't have them. It's the links that take the reader away from Wikipedia that are not permitted within the text of the article. For example, it is quite permissible to link to Israeli Defense Forces inside the article, because that link keeps the reader within Wikipedia. But it would not be acceptable to link to Israeli Defense Forces, because that link takes the reader outside of Wikipedia. So, you probably want to put back most of those "internal" links that got removed.
At least twice, you refer to a "superseding" indictment. What is that?
Also as noted by the previous reviewer, the article still needs a good copy editing. I'll be happy to help out with that, but I'd first like to hear your thoughts on the other matters.
