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Our Favorite Places to Whine About Stuff: You might not get all excersized about essays but they can be as fun as talk pages
Editor Nagualdesign's Hierarchy of Editor Subservience

Ever get that itch to drop the pretense of congeniality and just let loose with how you really feel about an issue? Wish there was a place where you can vent as your internal pressure continues to climb?

Channel all that pent-up energy into the creating your own essay! They can be a great outlet when compared to ad-hominem-attacks-every-one-knows-are-true-about-an-editor-but-are-just-afraid-to-say-so. I tend to lean toward the humorous types, but others lean toward the grim. Since this is Wikipedia and I am an editor, I really don't have to create new content to be considered amusing because others have already done this for me.

I can magically read the emotions of the editor(s) who write essays. They run deep. I detect that some have really poured their heart and soul into their work. I am saddened because some emotions are not exactly positive and are actually somewhat grim. Some essays can be so grim as to make you drop you head onto your computer keyboard, break down and cry.

Essays are strangely therapeutic for me. My suffering is relieved in the act of reading (and re-reading) some essays. On dark days when all my contributions are reverted, it brings healing to my wounded heart to read the very words the essayist uses to express my own emotions. Someone finally understands my heart and my agony. It's as if the author has committed a copyvio of the words that exist within me. How could they know? How could they understand? It's as if the essayist knows exactly what I am going through in response to the cruel reversions to Open Thy Lattice Love and Feline diseases. The burden lifts. I sigh. I move on.

I have realized that an essay is the perfect environment for sarcasm and irony. These are unappreciated skills on Wikipedia. Conveying such things in writing is a very rare ability. I usually can't pull it off and admire those who can. Those who are particularly skilled can intertwine Punssee image and double meanings into their writing without you realizing it until you get to the end of their sentence. On the happier side of things, the policy on pointiness doesn't apply to essays. If it did there would be no essays. You get away with (if you're good) writing things in an essay that would get you into trouble if you 'said' the same thing on a talk page.

Finally, can we deny that many unreferenced articles and lists are really essays written by (usually) well-intentioned folks that mistake their opinions for an encyclopedia article? No listing of such article-essays are part of this piece, but you all know who you are. If you would like to confess, leave your comments after this Signpost article.

Grim and grimmer

KLEPTOROUMANIA
Punch cartoon of the Second Balkan War. King Carol I of Romania points his pistol at King Peter I of Serbia and King Constantine of Greece while he steals Southern Dobrudja from the disarmed Tsar Ferdinand of Bulgaria. This is a pun on the mental disorder of impulsive stealing for the sake of stealing. [1]
Though I wasn't moved to tears, I was able to force out a few sniffles. This one is disappointingly short but has great potential for getting point-i-er.
Grim but humorous all wrapped up into a tidy package.
APKT[2]
This section of a policy page needs an explanatory essay written describing it further. I'll probably accept the assignment.
...obviously you've mistaken WP for Wiktionary. Not even two sentences make an article. But how about three? four? How about a really long sentence with five clauses?
Essay-worthy but probably can't be understood by those active in WP:WikiProject American Idol.

Humorous (though with sometimes deadly serious purpose)

This would mean something entirely different if it contained a comma instead of a colon. Not really about the deletionists, but an essay that is more along the lines of vandalism.
Someone got this right.
A little snotty/funny but the punchline is good: "Sometimes people write lengthy posts at WP:ANI in hopes of defusing a situation; however, the ensuing drama means it is diffused instead."
Poking fun at cherished grammar and usage myths.
Actually the next Humorous Signpost article.
Sure it is. "Ego does not matter to Wikipedia"? Hah!
Also debatable.
Creating this essay is on my to-do list.
I was really into this essay, then it got a little weird. I mean what is this supposed to mean? "Brick crystallizer: A game master can also choose to re-crystallize a brick that has been dissolved, turning it back into a normally-functional brick." Your game character probably has the special skills necessary to do things to bricks. Aren't you lucky!
Voted "most misleading essay title",[Citation Needed] this essay gives marginal magical advice for use when everyone is against you.

Notes and dubious references

  1. ^ Though the image is free, the caption can be attributed to those editors who contributed content to the Pun article. The amusing explation of the copyright status accompanying the image follows: "You must also include a United States public domain tag to indicate why this work is in the public domain in the United States. Note that a few countries have copyright terms longer than 70 years: Mexico has 100 years, Jamaica has 95 years, Colombia has 80 years, and Guatemala and Samoa have 75 years. This image may not be in the public domain in these countries, which moreover do not implement the rule of the shorter term. Côte d'Ivoire has a general copyright term of 99 years and Honduras has 75 years, but they do implement the rule of the shorter term. Copyright may extend on works created by French who died for France in World War II (more information), Russians who served in the Eastern Front of World War II (known as the Great Patriotic War in Russia) and posthumously rehabilitated victims of Soviet repressions"
  2. ^ All people know this