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Play with your food: Down the rabbit hole into the realm of third-grade minds.
Peter Alsop with pasta.JPG
Play with your food.

Warning: Some readers will find this article tasteless. I can understand this sentiment and you will feel better and less queasy by skipping it and leaving your comments afterwards.


Mud facial mask Nanciyaga03.JPG
Mudpies have other applications.
Would you accept this trophy?
Tide Laundry Detergent Pods (15216679245).jpg
It's not food, kids. Really.

I sometimes find myself slipping down the rabbit hole and landing into the realm of the third-grade-wikipedia-reader. I can't help it since I had the privilege of raising four boys who always had dirty faces. They were connoisseurs of all things 'gross' and would laugh endlessly about the jokes they made up about bodily functions. What does any of this have to do with the English Wikipedia (you ask)?

We forget that a large numbers of our readers are boys who are bored. They are mired in school much of the of the day and can only fall into their default mischievous mode when they arrive in their computer lab at 10 am so their homeroom teacher can get a break. Vandalism rates also increase during this time slot. Why do you think the articles about female anatomy have such high page views, hmmm? I caught my boys plenty of times pretending they were doing something educational when they were actually studying the finer points of anatomy. I am NOT mocking any editors, cultures, genders, etc., etc., etc. – I am a product of my Midwestern US culture and only propose that different types of food strike me as funny and incomprehensible.

Tender stomachs be warned

Well, things probably haven't changed much, at least in my little corner of Western civilization. If Wikipedia had been around in the 1990s, you can bet my boys would be learning details about female anatomy and bathroom humor. They would have enjoyed Wikipedia's articles on food and nutrition while laughing their heads off while they read:

  • Balute – The ducks are understandably worried and the chickens sigh deeply in relief.
  • Soylent Green – Why not have some friends for dinner?
  • Casu marzu – Not exactly the ketogenic diet but close.
  • Honeypot ant – I am actually willing to try these. I don't anticipate that I will enjoy picking the little ant legs out between my teeth. These are so good that fans dig down two meters through the soil to find them.
  • Hypoderma tarandi – A historical food, "tastes like milk" and its practice is supported by "Copious art dating back to the Pleistocene."
  • Cendol – "[T]he swollen green worm-like rice flour jelly", counts as one serving of vegetables but only because it is green
  • Mezcal – Not much of a disincentive for those who like tequila.
  • Vincent M. Holt – Probably wasn't tasty himself but was a leader in lobster rights movement
  • Sujuk – Keep tabs on your horse.
  • Fermentation of unusual things – There are those who practice the fermentation of fish heads, walrus, sea lion, and whale flippers, beaver tails, seal oil, and birds. Then they wonder why they get botulism.
  • Mud pie – I was disappointed to find this article was missing so I created it. Watch for pebbles breaking your teeth.[1]
  • Crazy-named food – This ancient dish is "compounded of all kinds of dainties, fish, flesh, fowl, and sauces."
  • Chocolate Salty Balls – Imaginary, pop culture, detailed plot summary. External links to recipe sites might be an improvement.
  • Cockle bread – Not really appropriate for the third graders.
  • La Tomatina – I know Wikimania has already been hosted in Italy but ATTENTION all organizers we really need to go back there to participate in this event. It would be worth the inconsistency of rotating conference sites.
  • Flies' graveyard – I don't care how good this is, I loose my appetite when I see these words put together.
  • SPAM – This almost indescribable delicacy is highly appreciated in Hawaii. It is sometimes disguised as sushi. What are the ingredients again....
  • Truffles – Though eating fungus is not unusual, the reasons pigs like them is interesting: "The female pig's natural truffle-seeking, as well as her usual intent to eat the truffle, is due to a compound within the truffle similar to androstenol, the sex pheromone of boar saliva, to which the sow is keenly attracted."
  • World Pie Eating Championship – "In December 2014, pies of the wrong size were delivered to the event, while the intended pies were sent to a nearby divorce party."[2][3][4]
  • Goldfish swallowing – Encyclopedic tone but THIS version was much better. Just read the first paragraph. You will find it to be quite profound. If you can get past the first four sentences, good for you.
  • Super Size Me – Despite all the pshaws from a well-known fast-food giant, you might want to stagger the meals you get at the drive-through over the course of a year rather than 30 days. See also: Happy meal.
  • Don't eat this
  • Rhinotillexis – "[Has] benefits for the human body.[5] Friedrich Bischinger, an Austrian doctor specializing in lungs, advocates using fingers to pick nasal mucus and then ingesting it, stating that people who do so get "a natural boost to their immune system".[5][6] The mucus contains a "cocktail of antiseptic enzymes that kill or weaken many of the bacteria that become entangled in it", so reintroducing the "crippled" microorganisms "may afford the immune system an opportunity to produce antibodies in relative safety".[7]


  1. ^ This just in: This newly expanded article is now on the docket for the 4/1/2019 DYKs. I am so proud.
  2. ^ See for attributions and then use Wikipedia:WikiBlame
  3. ^ You can have a party after a divorce!?!?!?
  4. ^ Amazing
  5. ^ a b Bellows, Alan (2009). "A Booger A Day Keeps The Doctor Away: A Medical Doctor Describes the Health Benefits of Nose-Mining". Alien Hand Syndrome: And Other Too-Weird-Not-To-Be-True Stories. Workman Publishing. pp. 28–30. ISBN 978-0761152255.
  6. ^ Lane, Carin (March 23, 2012). "Like to become a stranger to illness? Read on". Times Union. Retrieved 22 August 2012.
  7. ^ See for attributions and then use WP:WikiBlame