Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Everything I Wanted/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 6 July 2020 [1].

Everything I Wanted edit

Nominator(s): DarklyShadows (talk) 19:08, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a song by Billie Eilish. It reached number 8 on the Billboard Hot 100. Becoming her second top ten hit in the US. It is currently at GA status and I consider it meets the criteria for FA. I'm open to receiving further comments by anyone. :D DarklyShadows (talk) 19:08, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Don't use fixed px size
File:Billie_Eilish_-_Everything_I_Wanted.png: the fair-use rationale is incomplete.
I think the article might benefit from a non-free audio clip. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:57, 4 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Nikkimaria How can I upload an audio clip? I have never done that before. DarklyShadows (talk) 02:41, 5 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Because it's non-free content, it has to be uploaded locally, to English Wikipedia. You can use the File Upload Wizard which will walk you through the upload process, but make sure (a) the file meets the requirements outlined at WP:SAMPLE and (b) you include a strong fair-use rationale. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:03, 5 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Nikkimaria I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond, school and work are eating my time and I have been recommended to do ask for a peer review and copyedit for the article. I have done those things so if I can please just have a little while for those things to be done. I soon as they are done I will work on what you recommended. Thanks a lot! DarklyShadows (talk) 01:49, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Spicy

Thanks for putting this up for FA. Here are a few things that jumped out at me on a casual read-through of the article. I don't normally edit music articles, so correct me if any of my suggestions are off base.

It was reported in October 2019 that Eilish was working on new music. - By whom?
In November of that year, the singer announced the release of two new songs and a music video for the song "Xanny", which was released in December 2019. - I don't quite see how the music video for a different song is relevant to this article (especially to the extent that the reader needs to know its release date). Suggest leaving that part out.
She eventually revealed the song title - "eventually" is not necessary
The song was featured in Eilish's advertisement for Beats by Dre headphones, while the cover art for the song was made by Jason Anderson, which is an abstract painting of the Golden Gate Bridge. - Two problems with this sentence. First, Jason Anderson is not an abstract painting of the Golden Gate Bridge. Second, the song's cover art and its use in an advertisement aren't logically connected to each other, so it would be better to split this into two sentences.
started to write the song back in September 2018 - "back in" is informal, would change to just "in"
it began as a feeling of Eilish's depression - somewhat odd phrasing, I think something like "it was inspired by Eilish's feelings of depression" would sound better
Though she's very grateful - "she is"... but more importantly, this sentence is speculation about a BLP subject's thoughts and motives expressed in Wikipedia's voice. This needs to be attributed as the opinion of the writer of the Seventeen article. [2] The second citation for this sentence [3] does not support the text.
Some of the content in the second paragraph of the "Lyrics and themes" section is repetitive and could be better organized, e.g. According to Eilish, the song is about how Finneas will always be there for her...The lyrics talk about the relationship between the two of them....In the chorus, Eilish and Finneas talk about always being there for each other.
In a negative review, August Brown of the Los Angeles Times called the song a "misty, echoing loop that keeps her downcast voice front and center in the mix" - the sentence opens with "in a negative review", but quotes a description of the song's style, without any criticism. And I'm not sure, reading the source, that this should be characterized as a negative review. It states: It never lifts off like hits “Bad Guy” or “Bury a Friend,” but it feels even more confrontational for it, revealing the singer’s very mixed feelings about young superstardom. That's not really saying the song is bad -- it's saying it's in a different style from her other songs, but it complements the song's theme.
saying in a "fan letter" - why the scare quotes?
Following the release of "Everything I Wanted", it debuted - could this be simplified to " "Everything I Wanted" debuted... "
most notably being certified double platinum in Australia, Canada, and the United States by the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA), Music Canada (MC), and the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), respectively. - could we get rid of "in Australia, Canada, and the United States"? I think it's fair to assume that the reader can infer that from the organizations' names.
It then goes to Eilish driving a car - "goes to" is very informal... could be changed to something like "The next scene opens with Eilish driving a car..."
The two's stares are blank - "the two's" sounds very strange, how about "their"?
before driving to a beach - WP:EASTEREGG link. Is it relevant that they are driving to this specific beach? If so, this should be mentioned and explained in the prose. If not, I don't see any reason to link it.
I would separate the description of the video and the critical response into two paragraphs.
Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx called the visual a "shadowy, Eilish-directed clip". - rather underwhelming, since we already know Eilish directed it
Writing for Nylon, Layla Halabian wrote - repetitive wording
Eilish performed the song live for the first time in December 2019 on the final stop of her When We All Fall Asleep Tour in Mexico City, and during an Apple Live acoustic show at the Steve Jobs Theater in Cupertino. - confusing sentence, seems like it is saying she played the song live for the first time on two different occasions. Also, I do not see where the sources verify that this was the first time she performed the song. The first source is a Youtube video of the Mexico City performance (a primary source). The second source [4] does not seem to mention this particular song.
"Everything I Wanted" was one of songs on her setlist - missing "the"
Eilish performed the song live with Finneas playing the acoustic guitar, for Blux - What's Blux? Google search is not enlightening - gives me results for a furniture store and a sports bar in Wisconsin - and Wikipedia search mainly brings up stuff about Japanese football. Since the only source for this is a Youtube video, is it due to mention it?
Cooper played with his band, with Billboard saying Cooper and his band... - redundant, and odd sentence structure; could be trimmed to just Billboard said Cooper and his band.... Repetitive wording in the second part of the sentence: as Cooper was crooning "as he gently strums an electric guitar".
Cooper told Billboard that he doesn't do many covers... - "he does not" (but this might be better expressed as a direct quote)
Sam Moore of NME wrote that the cover had mixed together - "had" is unnecessary

Overall, the article could benefit from a thorough copyedit, which would probably best be done outside of FAC. Spicy (talk) 05:06, 5 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Drive by comments from Aoba47 edit

I do not have the time to post a full review, but I do not see the need for the music video screenshot. Non-free media usage should be kept to be minimal, and only used in cases where it illustrates a point that cannot be expressed with the prose alone. A stronger reason for the screenshot's inclusion is needed or it should be deleted.
Here are some other brief points. I would separate the "Music video" section into paragraphs rather than a long wall of text. Reference 52 leads to a "page not found" screen so that citation needs to corrected. I agree with Spicy's comments above that the article as a whole could use a thorough copy-edit, and this may be better suited for a peer review first. Aoba47 (talk) 19:32, 5 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47 and Spicy, I will take your advice and ask for a peer review and copyedit. As you know, it takes a couple of weeks to get both done so if it's okay to wait that would be awesome! DarklyShadows (talk) 01:31, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

If you do pursue the peer review option, then this FAC would have to be withdrawn as you cannot have an active FAC and an active peer review on an article at the same time. Aoba47 (talk) 01:47, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47 Ok sounds good, I'll withdraw the nomination. DarklyShadows (talk) 01:50, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Pinging the @FAC coordinators: that the nominator has withdrawn the FAC. Aoba47 (talk) 01:51, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You can also make a request for the Guild of Copy Editors to look through the article. Aoba47 (talk) 01:55, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47 I have also requested a copyedit for the article. By the way, thanks for your advice on the article! DarklyShadows (talk) 02:19, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been withdrawn, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 02:26, 6 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.