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Latest comment: 5 years ago2 comments1 person in discussion
I have a few points of feedback: First, you need to improve the grammar (you have many commas that need to be removed altogether). Second, you should remove the citations that reference Wikipedia, since Wikipedia cannot cite itself.
I added a mark at the top of the page indicating that it needs copy editing (fixing grammar, syntax, style, and so on).
If you view the page history you'll see my edits with informative edit summaries for direction.
Actually, with regard to citing Wikipedia, you could actually use the citations that are being used in those other articles if you are able to read and verify them. You could even copy the text from those pages to include in this article as long as you follow the correct process. Here is a guide to it. It's not very hard to do: Wikipedia:Copying within Wikipedia. Once you've moved the text and added the correct attribution in 1, your edit summary, 2, on the talk page of this article, and 3, on the talk page of the originating article, then you could adapt it to better fit the context of this article. That could be a great way to bring in content already written by other editors (as long as you read their sources to confirm it first). Sincerely, Shashi Sushila Murray, (message me) 08:30, 23 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
