Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Ex-Girlfriend/archive2

< Wikipedia:Featured article candidates
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:44, 15 November 2009 [1].

The Ex-Girlfriend

edit
Nominator(s): --Music26/11 19:01, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Toolbox

I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it meets the criteria. After the previous FAc the article has been through a peer review and all concerns have been adressed. Thank you for your time.--Music26/11 19:01, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Source comments Everything fine. RB88 (T) 21:57, 29 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose Needs considerable work before it meets 1a's "professional" standard. Logical flow is lacking throughout, and the article employs an oddly informal tone. Examples:
    • "but Jerry discovers he finds her" Unnecessary awkwardness with "discovers" + "finds".
    • "Jerry tries to convince George that he does not need the books because he has already read them, but George persuades Jerry to get them for him." Just one example of some yawningly pedestrian prose throughout the plot section.
    • "that she and Jerry can still be friends, despite her recent break-up" be more explicit here...why would it be a problem for them to remain friends? She broke up with George, right, not Jerry?
    • "This takes Jerry by surprise as Marlene worked as a cashier." Huh?
    • The characters seem to do a lot of "finding" in this article...
    • What is the deal with this cultural references section? Random trivia thrown together into a paragraph does not make for feature article quality. Nor does the random picture of Tony Bennett.
    • "It was based on one of David's experiences, when he gave..." One example where prose can be tightened (active voice: "David based the story on...")
    • What's with the odd shifts to conditional tense in random places? ("On Seinfeld, David would frequently come up with the idea for an episode and would make it into a teleplay with Seinfeld's help", "Seinfeld would change wardrobe between takes", "One or two members of the crew would shake the car", etc.)
    • "Another scene that was cut featured Jerry's neighbor Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) entering Jerry's apartment carrying a plate with cantaloupe on toothpicks" And the significance of this is?
    • "Although Seinfeld would be considered a hit show by today's standards, NBC was disappointed with its ratings, and, after three weeks, put the show on a two-month break" Very odd way of wording this...Seinfeld is considered a hit show...please be more specific here. ("The Ex-Girlfriend" debuted to disappointing ratings, and...) Also, why are we linking "break"?
    • "In a review of the episode, Jon Burlingame of The Spokesman-Review stated "Seinfeld...". ?? The source isn't reviewing the episode. It mentions the episode, but really, this article is one of those "what's on TV tonight" that's used to fill column-inches.
    • Please cite quotations. TwilligToves (talk) 13:03, 30 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Image review - Images check out. Awadewit (talk) 19:39, 6 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/The_Ex-Girlfriend/archive2&oldid=1138473092"