Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Ex-Girlfriend/archive4

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 11:37, 2 October 2010 [1].

The Ex-Girlfriend

Nominator(s): --Music26/11 12:36, 30 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I feel it's finally ready to be promoted. I don't spend as much time on wikipedia as I used to, but this is one of the articles I left behind, and I think it has a good chance. A copy-editor has taken a look at it, and I now think it is ready.--Music26/11 12:36, 30 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - no dab links, one dead external link. Nikkimaria (talk) 22:04, 1 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: There is little evidence in the edit summaries of any significant copyediting since this article was last archived on 15 November 2009. A few changes have been made, but I'm afraid the prose is still a long way from featured quality. In the lead and plot sections alone, I found the following:-

"...once she begins to annoy him as much as she did to George..." "Once she begins" is vaguely tautologous, and you don't annoy to people. Since this clause relates to what follows, you need some connection. I would say "even when she begins to annoy him as much as she had George, he finds himself..." etc.
"remaining" is an inappropriate word in the penultimate lead sentence. "Others" will do.
"irritates him to no end." Doesn't make sense - delete the "to"
"he realizes he had" - tenses conflict
"He wants to break up with her, but is unable to because she has a "psycho-sexual" hold on him." How is this psycho-sexual hold conveyed? Do we see it in action? Or does Jerry confess it, and if so, to whom?
"Jerry is unable to decide whether or not to tell George" - "or not" is redundant.
"After being informed, George informs..." Awkward repetition
Aside from the prose issues, the plot section looks incomplete. How does the scene in the chiropractor's office, mentioned in the lead, fit into the plot? Also, in your summary the episode appears to fizzle out, when in fact the ending has a little bite. When Marlene says she didn't find Jerry's act funny, he pleads that he has "other stuff". When she says she can't be with someone if she doesn't respect what he does, Jerry cries "You're a cashier!"

Despite two FACs and a peer review in October 2009, the main problem is to bring the prose up to an appropriate standard. It needs the commitment of a competent copyeditor, rather than occasional contributions. This will take time and effort, and cannot in my view be achieved during this FAC. Brianboulton (talk) 22:58, 1 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.