The Wolfie's Star
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Copy edit of Adanga Maru
editSorry that it took me a while to get back to you; I had a lot of other reviewing to do. Copy edit notes for Adanga Maru:
Looking at a diff of your edits, I see you did a good job cutting out some of the editorializing, expanding acronyms, taking care of some informal tone, and making the prose more clear and concise. Definite improvements, though I'd like to see you take it a little farther.
It looks like your edits were entirely to the plot section. That section certainly needed the most work, but the rest of the article could use a bit of touching up as well.
For the plot section, note that MOS:PLOT recommends film plot summaries be no more than 400–700 words. (There are a lot of MOS pages; you don't have to memorize them but be aware of them and refer to them as needed.) Following your edits, the plot section was 760 words, so look to trim that where possible with concise language and removal of redundancies and details which are unimportant to a general understanding of the work. Describing every detail of the film can make the summary a derivative work and in violation of copyright; we only want to provide enough information to give the reader with a basic understanding of the plot.
A few specific notes:
Subhash cannot stand the public's suffering and looks for sometimes illegal ways to improve their lives, which often lands him in trouble with his superior, Inspector Muthukaruppan.
I would smooth the phrasing a bit: He is sympathetic to the public's suffering and tries to improve their lives. These efforts sometimes conflict with the law, and cause Subhash trouble with his superior, Inspector Muthukaruppan.- Constable Ramadass is only mentioned once in the plot summary. That's a good indication that it isn't necessary to mention the character in order to understand the plot. The same might be said for Chandran, who is only mentioned twice at the beginning.
While collecting evidence to support this
→While collecting evidences
This is good, it's more concise and the reader can safely assume that the police investigator is gathering evidence for the crime at hand. Please note that the word evidence is a mass noun or uncountable noun, and doesn't have a plural. It should just be "evidence".While confronting Abhijit and his friends - Christy, Bhuvan, and Deepak - they reveal that they committed the crime, and others like it.
I like this, but be careful as dashed passages interrupt the reader's train of thought. We don't want there to be any momentary confusion. In this case, the subject has changed on either side of the dashed passage. I've rephrased it.- After the first mention, the reader should know who the four boys are without listing them again.
Subhash finds out that all the video files were deleted off of the boy's phones.
Some minor tone issues with "finds out" and the plural possessive is boys' (MOS:POSS).Abhijit and his friends vow revenge, and soon enough, when Subhash goes home, he finds his parents and brother's family dead. Only one of his nieces is left alive. Meanwhile, Saarangan is bribed with an expensive and luxurious car and reports the murder of Subhash's family as a house fire accident.
Suggest: The boys vow revenge, and Subhash returns home to discover his extended family have been murdered, except for one niece. Saarangan, who has been bribed with a luxury car, declares that the deaths resulted from an accidental fire.Discouraged by his powerlessness despite being a police officer, Subhash resigns, but before leaving, threatens Saarangan that he will avenge his family's death and will make sure that the four boys (Abhijit, Christy, Bhuvan, and Deepak) will die in the hands of their fathers.
→ Subhash resigns, defiantly telling Saarangan that he will avenge his family by ensuring that the four boys die at the hands of their fathers.- I'm a little concerned about the use of boy, which is usually for a child 16 years of age or under. Would it be more appropriate to use teenager (13–19) or youth (15–24 by UN definition)?
- In the release/reception section, the quotations from critics needed to be in double quotes. We need to be careful about this to credit them and avoid copyvio.
I made some more changes, you can see them in this diff. – Reidgreg (talk) 15:16, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
- Reidgreg Wow! This is extremely helpful! I never knew all the little things to keep in mind like that, ie the boy v teenager, but the fact that you defined it too is really impressive! I'll definitely take a look at MOS:PLOT, I assume that when in doubt just put MOS:something in my sandbox to get wikilinked to the relevant article? Seems like most notes are about simplifying the plot down little by little, and figuring out what's explicitly relevant, so I'll try to practice that more too. Thank you so much, this was definitely worth waiting for lol, v big help on my end!! The Wolfie's Star (talk) 17:18, 25 April 2022 (UTC)
- Yup, you can get to a lot of MOS pages through shortcuts like that (MOS:COMMA, MOS:PARENTHESES) though in some cases the names may not be widely known (MOS:ELIPSIS, MOS:LIGATURE) or the shortcut might itself be an acronym (MOS:PMC, MOS:QWQ). There are MOS pages for types of presentation (layout, dates and numbers, tables), topics (chemistry, television, novels, video games), and some subtopics (Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Snooker or WikiProject ones like Wikipedia:WikiProject Doctor Who/Style advice). A navigation template for the MOS is at Template:Manual of Style. Some editors specialize in a couple topic areas and know those pages really well; I'm a generalist editor so I have to refer to them a lot.
- With boy vs teenager vs youth, there were three considerations I went through. (1) WP:ENGVAR, which is about using the national variant of English associated with the article's subject, in this case Indian English. I have seen boy used a lot for older teenagers and young men, at least informally in Indian English, though you still want it to be understandable to an international readership. (2) Encyclopedic tone is formal and we want to be clear and factual; if we say 'boy' in Wikipedia's voice, that is to be taken literally. (Having it in a quotation would be different.) And (3) a misunderstanding here could have a big impact on the subject; a film about vigilantism against children would be a much darker social commentary than a straightforward revenge flick.
- BTW, looking at 'diffs' (when you go to 'View history' on any page and compare versions) is a great way to see how other editors work. This was an exercise I used when I started copyediting: Find an article that's already been copy edited by one of the established copy editors (like the GOCE coordinators – you can do this from their contributions page or from a blitz or drive). Take a look at a version of the page from before they started their copy edit. Carefully read through it and think about what changes you'd make to the article. Then check through the diffs and see what changes the other copy editor made. See if you identified the same problem areas, or if the other editor changed things you hadn't thought about. It's a good way to learn some of the subtleties, like use of formatting templates.
- Feel free to {{ping|Reidgreg}} if you have any questions. – Reidgreg (talk) 13:06, 30 April 2022 (UTC)
A barnstar for you!
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The Minor Barnstar | |
| For your copy edit of Adanga Maru and general enthusiasm for copy editing. – Reidgreg (talk) 13:07, 30 April 2022 (UTC) |
As that article did not fit the brief for the April Blitz, I thought I'd personally award you a small barnstar. Please consider taking part in the GOCE's upcoming event Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Backlog elimination drives/May 2022. It runs for a full month so you don't have to feel rushed. – Reidgreg (talk) 13:07, 30 April 2022 (UTC)