A fact from Cyclone Hina appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 7 January 2014 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
Did you know... that Severe Tropical Cyclone Hina, which formed in March 1997, was the worst tropical cyclone to affect Tonga since Cyclone Isaac in 1982?
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"as a weak shallow depression" - you don't link to any of this, so it makes me wonder what a "weak shallow depression" is. Is that whole thing one actual term? Or a vague description?
"within the vicinity of the Fijian Dependency: Rotuma" - this is just a summary of the article, so you can just link to Rotuma (just as you link to Tonga). If you want, you could say the "Fijian island of Rotuma", but the current wording is a bit awkward. Ditto later.
"as it started to develop further within favorable conditions for further development." - I'm confused by the "as", which could imply "concurrent with", "while", or "because of". Which is it?
"During the systems post analysis it was determined that the warning centers had underestimated Hina's intensity as it passed over Tonga, after damage had been greater than expected in the island nation." - this would be so much better if it wasn't in passive voice
"caused a severe amount of coastal erosion, on all of the country’s nine atolls with about 6.7% of land washed into the sea" - move that comma to after "atolls"
The source doesnt specify which road, when writing the article i did wonder if this is because there is only 1 road on the island but i dont know.Jason Rees (talk) 00:55, 21 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
You misread the source. It says "Hina was also blamed for destroying parts of the road on the northern and eastern coasts of Futuna", which basically just means there was general road damage. You'd say the same thing if Hina damaged a bunch of apple orchards, and you could say "Hina damaged the apple crop." ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 06:29, 27 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
"As Hina affected Tonga, there were no casualties reported as the system affected the island nation" - you don't mention a lack of deaths elsewhere, and technically, there were casualties, since that word means killed or injured.
"after a sea captain suffered a heart attack while evacuating from his home" - was the home his boat? If not, you don't need to say "sea captain", since it's extraneous detail for the lead
"Extensive damage to utilities, vegetation and agriculture was reported on Tongatapu, with trees uprooted or broken and more than 12,000 tonnes (26,000,000 lb) of fruit and food crops including banana trees and coconut palms destroyed. - a bit long. Did all of this occur on Tongatapu? If so, you could write it simpler with active voice... "The cyclone left extensive damage to utilities and agriculture on Tongatapu, where trees were uprooted and more than 12,000 tonnes (26,000,000 lb) of fruit and food crops were destroyed, mostly to banana and coconut trees."
"After the cyclone the Tongan Government requested and received emergency aid, from the governments of several countries including France, Australia, New Zealand, Japan and the United Kingdom. " - weird comma placement
Not really the one after emergency aid seems naturally right while ive always been told to place a comma between list items or in this case countries.Jason Rees (talk) 22:51, 22 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
"On March 11, 1997, the Fiji Meteorological Service's Regional Specialized Meteorological Center in Nadi, Fiji (RSMC Nadi)" - do you have a source detailing why you use RSMC Nadi instead of FMS for "Fiji Meteorological Service"?
"as the system moved northwards RSMC Nadi relocated the depression to within 110 km (70 mi) to the northwest of Rotuma" - add a comma toward the beginning, and why "to within"? Why not just say "to about 110..."? Much cleaner, easier to read.
"the system continued its northwards movement until it curved eastwards and later south-eastwards during March 14, before it passed about 55 km (35 mi) to the southeast of Niulakita the southernmost island of Tuvalu" - it did all three movements in one day? Add a comma after "Niulakita" and after "northwards movement" (which should be northward)
"Early on March 16, RSMC Nadi reported that based on satellite imagery and guidance from other meteorological centres, the system had 10-minute sustained wind speeds of 85 km/h (55 mph) as it passed over Southern Tonga" - why no mention of the name "Hina" here? And you might wanna rewrite the end to clarify that Hina passed over southern Tonga (notice capitalization), not RSMC Nadi moving over Southern Tonga.
"Over the next few days the system continued to move towards the south-southeast and gradually weakened before the NPMOC issued its final advisory later that day " - what day?! And again, comma
"Over the next two days the warning was kept in force while Tuvalu experienced strong to gale force winds because of a convergence zone located over the islands and Hina which passed about 55 km (35 mi) to the southeast of Niulakita, Tuvalu" - could this be simpler/shorter?
"winds of 76 km/h (47 mph) and 115 km/h (71 mph) were recorded at Hihifo on Wallis and Maopoopo on Futuna" - add "respectively" or "respective" somewhere in there
" and took less than 2 hours to inflict considerable damage on the Tongan islands." - you should emphasize this was Hina doing the damage in two hours (notice writing out the 2), since right now it implies Isaac took two hours.
"The two worst affected Tongan islands were Tongatapu and 'Eua after major damages were reported on both islands" - obviously the two worst-affected islands had major damage on both islands. Cut the last bit
", however, during a post disaster survey no evidence was found to prove or disprove this claim" - the however should be preceded by a semicolon, and post-disaster needs a dash
"It was noted that several of the badly damaged houses had little or no cyclone protection and sat next to a house that was not damaged at all" - I don't know what the last portion of this sentence means... ._.
"Within the islands severe damage to power lines and telecommunication systems was reported, while over 600 people were left homeless" - what does the damage to power lines have to do with the 600 people left homeless? Wouldn't that last bit be more appropriate next to the damaged houses?
"On the main island of Tongatapu, extensive damages to utilities, vegetation and agriculture in places, with trees ether uprooted or broken and more than 12,000 tonnes (26,000,000 lb) of fruit and food crops including banana trees and coconut palms destroyed." - too long, grammatically incorrect
"Some of the coconut palms were snapped which suggested that wind gusts of between 165–185 km/h (105–115 mph) had been experienced on the island" - add a comma somewhere
"Within Nukuʻalofa which was the capital city of Tonga, there wasn't a lot of structural damage reported" - is Nukualofa no longer the capital? Regardless, add a comma before which, and spell out "wasn't". Also, at the end little bit, add a semicolon before "however"
"Some of the power lines fell down after trees were uprooted and thrown at the power lines, while it seemed that there was a domino effect of one power pole going down and subsequently pulling down other power poles." - this whole sentence could be rewritten much simpler as.... - "Some of the uprooted trees knocked down power lines, sometimes causing a domino effect of bringing down additional power poles." This avoids you saying "power" four times
"MMI insurance provided the Tonga Amateur Sports Association with T$384 thousand, to cover damages to the Teufaiva Grand Stand" - to cap off the GA review, remove the comma here, please!
