Talk:11/9 (American Horror Story)

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Episode's plot expansion edit

This espisode's plot needs expansion

Better choice of words under "November 2016" heading edit

Latest comment: 5 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion

In the first sentence, reproduced in full below, I direct your attention to this phrase: "which prevent him to cast his vote"

May I suggest, "which prevented him from casting his vote."

"On Election night; Gary (Chaz Bono) was handcuffed at the grocery's basement by Ivy (Alison Pill), with the help of Winter (Billie Lourd), as her retaliation against him after he crudely groped her during their heated argument earlier at the presidential rally between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton that day which prevent him to cast his vote until the post-election."

This is also a lengthy sentence. I would break it into two sentences like this:

"On Election night, Gary (Chaz Bono) was handcuffed at the grocery's basement by Ivy (Alison Pill), with the help of Winter (Billie Lourd). This was Ivy's retaliation against him after he crudely groped her during their heated argument earlier at the presidential rally between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton that day, preventing him from casting his vote before the polls closed."

This second sentence is still sounding a bit long, so I will offer up yet another edit:

"On Election night, Ivy (Alison Pill), handcuffed Gary (Chaz Bono) in the grocery's basement with the help of Winter (Billie Lourd), in retaliation after he, earlier that day, crudely groped her during their heated argument at the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton presidential rally. Ivy's retaliation also cost Gary his chance to vote before the polls closed."

I have ended up rewording the original first sentence and making it better streamlined, placing Ivy's handcuffing of Gary first and following "with the help of Winter." I've also taken the politicians' names out and leaving them to be mentioned after the retaliation for the groping earlier that day was settled. Then we dealt with Gary's lost vote in the separate sentence. It was, if nothing else, a good mind exercise for me!

Sources: I just used what was there and rearranged the words to keep the original intent intact.

Lytzf (talk) 21:24, 28 May 2018 (UTC)Reply

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