Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/David Hillhouse Buel (priest)/archive1

TFA blurb review

Ergo Sum, you may want to write a blurb for this, but I don't know when it will be scheduled. Let me know if I can help. - Dank (push to talk) 00:18, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

• Pinging SandyGeorgia for her special attention to the phrasing of Buel's relationship to the Catholic and Episcopal Churches. Ergo Sum 00:48, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

Hi, Dank; thanks for the ping, Ergo. "He then entered ... ", followed by "He then became ... ", same thing in consecutive sentences; try to vary the prose there. Also, correct me on how it works, but we have him entering the Jesuit order, but we don't have him becoming a Catholic priest (unless those are the same thing)? He entered the Jesuit Order as a priest? He became a priest and then entered the Jesuit Order? He entered the Jesuit Order and became a Catholic priest? I don't know how that works, but it's not clear in the blurb that he became a Catholic priest. Following resistance --> When his reforms were resisted by students and peers ... ??? Not sure, up to you. I believe (Dank can correct me and you have more experience at this than I do) that it is OK for you to edit this proposed blurb yourself, or you can propose a new blurb below. Best, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:03, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

His tenure was characterized by a curtailment of intercollegiate athletics and the institution of strict discipline.

While president, he curtailed intercollegiate athletics and instituted strict discipline.  ??? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:09, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

@SandyGeorgia: How does the blurb read now? Ergo Sum 01:09, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

We might be getting different voices and tenses, so you may need to fix. But ... one sentence there is pretty long ...

• He entered the Jesuit order in 1883, and spent the next 17 years studying and teaching at Jesuit institutions throughout the Northeastern United States. He was ordained a Catholic priest in 1898, later becoming a professor at Georgetown University, where he was appointed president in 1905.

But I think your prose is better than mine, so don't take me too seriously here :) No need to ping me, I'll watchlist. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:15, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

Perhaps a semicolon might do the trick? Ergo Sum 02:16, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

Was he a student under the guidance of McGivney, or did he convert to Catholicism under the guidance of McGivney? Or both? Unclear sentence construction.

• ?? While a student at Yale, he converted to Catholicism under the guidance of McGivney?

Buel "then" became a professor seems vague, considering we date everything else ... maybe, to vary the prose, something like "in the next decade", "a few years later", "Five years after his ordination", something along those lines. I may getting you all twisted, so best to look at this in a few days with fresh eyes. Be wary of too many cooks (especially ones like me who burn even toast :) SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:36, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

I hesitate because the ordination is already backdated relative to the 17 years of teaching. I wouldn't want to redouble potential confusion. Ergo Sum 02:43, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

It looks good, but I just noticed this:

• and secretly married in 1912, resulting in outcry from the Jesuits.

The reader may be left wondering how something that is a secret can prompt an outcry. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:13, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

Good ... prompting resistance by ... or prompting resistance from? I am not sure. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:37, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

You might ask Dank to have a look now. If there is not a character limitation now, he might want to add a few words to the end ... "priest in 1922, shortly before his death". Up to you two. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:45, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

... Or, shortly before he died in poverty. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:47, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

I swapped around two time phrases. Looks good. This wasn't my blurb, btw. - Dank (push to talk) 14:55, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

Looks good, Ergo, I'm going to unwatch now ... ping me if you need anything. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:00, 26 December 2019 (UTC)

TFA blurb

David Hillhouse Buel (1862–1923) was an American priest who became the President of Georgetown University. Born at Watervliet Arsenal, New York, to a distinguished family, he converted to Catholicism under the guidance of Michael McGivney, while a student at Yale University. He entered the Jesuit order in 1883, spending the next 17 years studying and teaching at Jesuit institutions throughout the Northeastern United States; he was ordained a Catholic priest in 1898. Buel then became a professor at Georgetown University, and was appointed its president in 1905. While in office, he curtailed intercollegiate athletics and instituted strict discipline, prompting resistance from students and parents, and his removal in 1908. He quit the Jesuit order several years later and secretly married in 1912, resulting in an outcry from the Jesuits who found out. He later left the Catholic Church, and in 1922 was ordained an Episcopal priest. (Full article...)