Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Peer review/Princess Alice of the United Kingdom/archive1

< Wikipedia:Peer review

Princess Alice of the United Kingdom edit

Toolbox
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I plan to nominate this for featured status soon. I need a review of the prose, comprehensiveness, and any minor/major issues that stand in the way. Thank you very much for your time. PeterSymonds (talk) 21:52, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

  • You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
    • Standardize your Oxford Dictionary of National Biography citations (Mainly, they should both be italicised.)
    • Current ref 81 (Velde..) needs a publisher. What makes this a reliable source?
Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 14:27, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
Thank you for your comments. I've removed the "arms" section; none of the sources I have available mention her arms, nor do they confirm the date on which they were conferred. It's a shame, but not a great loss to the article. ODNB refs standardised. Best, PeterSymonds (talk) 14:46, 7 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Awadewit edit

In general, I feel that this is a very strong article. The only comprehensiveness issue I had, which was about Princess Alice's hospital work, I mentioned to you on Skype. The prose is quite good - I've included any issues I saw below. The most serious issue is the images, which need a great deal more information.

  • Alice's education was devised by Albert's close friend and adviser, Baron Stockmar. - I expected more information about Alice's education to follow this sentence in the lead - it is a little cryptic right now.
  • Her life in Darmstadt was unhappy as a result of impoverishment, family tragedy and worsening relations with her husband and mother. - "impoverished" is a little misleading, I think - Can we find a better way to express what happened to her economically?
  • Alice was a prolific patron of women's causes, especially nursing, and was a follower of Florence Nightingale. - Can one be a "follower" of Nightingale? That sounds more like how one would describe religion.
  • Why were Alice and the Prince of Wales so close?
  • Alice became her mother's unofficial secretary, and for the next six months, the physical representation of the monarch - The representation to the public? I feel like something is missing here.
  • For the ceremony, Alice wore a white dress with a veil of Honiton lace, but was required to wear black mourning clothes before and after the ceremony. - "required" sounds a bit odd here
  • There are several quotations about the funereal nature of the wedding - would one do?
  • Alice wrote back to her mother that "I believe the people never gave so hearty a welcome",[33] while her sister Helena wrote that "nothing could have been more enthusiastic than her entry into Darmstadt was″. - Perhaps just one quote or a paraphrase?
  • In 1863, she travelled to England for the marriage of her brother, the Prince of Wales, to Princess Alexandra of Denmark, and delivered her first child, Victoria Alberta Elizabeth Matilda Marie, on 5 April in the presence of Queen Victoria. - Sentence needs to be rewritten to fix pronoun referent problem.
  • Furthermore, the realisation by the Queen that Alice had found true happiness and would therefore be visiting England less began the difficult relations between mother and daughter that would continue until Alice's death. - Awkward sentence
  • In 1866, Vienna called for Berlin to hand over the joint Habsburg-Hohenzollern administration to the Augustenborg family. - Could we name the governments in question?
  • On 11 July, she gave birth, and when Prussian troops were on the verge of entering Darmstadt, she begged the Grand Duke to surrender on Prussia's terms. - This is a little confusing - were the Prussians knocking while she was in labor?
  • One general's hysterical behaviour angered Alice after he rushed into a hospital shouting "The Prussians are coming, every man for himself" at 1 am. - Is this really necessary?
  • Alice wrote to her mother, who in turn wrote to Victoria, who responded that there was nothing she could do to relieve the "painful and distressing position darling Alice was in" as it was "one of the unavoidable results of this dreadful war". - I wonder whether this quote is necessary - it doesn't add much.
  • After the Prince's recovery, the Queen was anxious that the credit for his recovery should be focused on the Princess of Wales, rather than Alice - "focused on" seems like an odd phrase
  • Any quotes with italics should probably indicate "emphasis in original".
  • However, her continued unpopularity in Darmstadt, coupled with her mother not wanting her in England, caused strain, and she and her children spent July and August in Houlgate, Normandy, where Louis often visited them. - Awkward sentence
  • There are a lot of quotations in the "Grand Duchess" - I would reduce them.
  • There are some portraits looking off the page rather than towards the text.
  • Whatever those weird numbers are in the family tree should be identified somehow.
  • Not all of the notes have "p".
  • Alice, Grand Duchess of Hesse, Letters to Her Majesty the Queen. London: John Murray. 1885. - This reference can have an author.
  • Martin, Theodore (1908). Queen Victoria as I knew her. W. Blackwood. - Needs a publication location.
  • File:Alice e victoria em osborn.jpg - Needs an English description. Since there is no author, the current license isn't valid. You either need to find the author or establish the information for anonymous authorship and publication.

I hope this is helpful! Awadewit (talk) 01:21, 8 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments, and apologies for getting to this so late. The snow knocked out the street's internet connection for the last four days, hence the delay. Done some of the images but I'll get to the rest soon. Thanks again for your comprehensive review, Awadewit. PeterSymonds (talk) 20:48, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Princess_Alice_of_the_United_Kingdom/archive1&oldid=1079638347"