Wikipedia:Peer review/Muhammad Ahmad Said Khan Chhatari/archive1

Muhammad Ahmad Said Khan Chhatari

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this article is about one of important personality from Uttar Pradesh who have held many key positions at various Government/Public levels. I would like to get general feedback on how to get this article move to a Featured article status.

Thanks, Sayed Mohammad Faiz Haider^tc_s 12:24, 1 December 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

• You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, and my first suggestion would be to get your references into order. A number of your website references lack publisher and/or last access dates, which are the bare minimum needed for WP:V. Books need publisher, author, and page number on top of title. When you've got those mostly straightened out, drop me a note on my talk page and I'll be glad to come back and look at the actual sources themselves, and see how they look in terms of reliability, like I would at FAC. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 16:52, 7 December 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with what Ealdgyth wrote above. It sounds like he was an interesting person and led a full life. However, the article needs a fair amount of work to better conform to the Manual of Style, Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article and can be up to four paragraphs long. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, so this needs to be expanded considerably. Please see WP:LEAD
• It also helps to provide context for the reader - see WP:PCR. For example, here many readers might not know much about the British Raj or know what the United Provinces were.
• The article is oddly organized - as far as I can tell we are never told in the article itself (ignoring the infobox and lead) when or where he was born or died. It is usually helpful to include some sort of Early life section that gives the basics of his birth, family, education, early career.
• It is also usually helpful to follow chronological order unless there is a very good reason not to. Here, the first section after the lead is about 1929 and 1930, the following section starts in 1923 to 1926, then skips ahead to 1931.
• There are many short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that could be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve the flow of the article.
• I am not sure how the subject of the article should be referred to - the WP:MOS says usually just the last name is used, so "Chhatari". The article uses "Nawab of Chhatari" or just "Nawab". SInce this seems to be a title / office and not his name, I am not sure it should be used.
• Use of italics in a direct quote does not follow WP:ITALIC
• What did he do from 1947 to 1965?
• Once all the other issues are addressed, this oculd use a copy edit to polish the language. ALso watch for WP:PEACOCK terms
• I know Ealdgyth said this already, but internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 22:12, 9 December 2009 (UTC)