Wikipedia:Peer review/Microsoft Flight Simulator (2020)/archive1

Microsoft Flight Simulator (2020) edit

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This peer review discussion is closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I am willing to make this article a good, or even a featured article; the ambition grew from my interest in this subject. I welcome suggestions and criticisms of any kind related to the article.

Thanks, Gerald WL 14:32, 16 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Le Panini edit

I'll take a look at it! My peer review picked up, but I don't know why yours hasn't. Maybe ask some people directly?

I'll give a basic list of my suggestions, but it might mostly just be formatting. Le Panini ^Talk 12:48, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

According to MOS:LEAD, the lead section only needs citation if the content is sketchy and needs verification. I don't suppose the expected release needs citation here.
Le Panini, removed the overkill, but stayed the first paragraph's, as nowhere in the body did it mention "2021." Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
the title has been viewed as the culmination of Microsoft's "power of the cloud" mantra. I don't understand this statement at all. Even if its explained in detail later down, most users only read the lead section for quick reference.
I myself didn't understand. Removed and altered. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
but...technical achievement. "criticism is not a contradiction", this should be changed to and.
The sentence is Flight Simulator was released to critical acclaim, with praise for its graphical fidelity, but criticism for its loading times and some inaccurate rendering of landmarks. Many critics considered it a technical achievement. I think it's fine.Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I didn't mean the whole sentence, just that one "but". I've seen other articles that have done this, but was eventually changed.
Le Panini, I kinda changed the paragraph, see if you think it's spot-on. Gerald WL 16:49, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good now. Le Panini ^Talk 16:53, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Overview

What does "in-house developed" mean? Is is gamer jargon? If not, there should be a link.
Oxford defines it as "done or existing within an organization." Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
then reads these textures based on their own parameters and... What parameters?
Afterwards, artists... What does this sentence mean by artists?
It's referring to the graphics artist. Clarified. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
utilized to extrapolate... Extrapolate is a big term. Maybe change it to something that doesn't need the user to go look up the definition. I would understand if there is no better term, though.
I assume it's referring to extrapolation, so I linked it there. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Flight Simulator converts 3D scans of the environment into the game world. Isn't this gone over in the first paragraph?
Link refraction
Done. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Flight Simulator allows the player to scout, "chase" and interact with real-world storms as they occur in real time. I'd put this section above with the other mentions about weather.
Done. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have more soon. Le Panini ^Talk 13:13, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Aircraft

Aircraft included starting from the Deluxe version include aircraft... Aircraft is repeated here.
Fixed. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
directly purchased from the in-game marketplace. Maybe link micro-transactions here, or something similar.
Done. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Development

"So, Sarah Bond,... I don't think starting with "So" here is necessary.
Removed. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
ruins of Machu Picchu, in order to create a HoloLens replica of Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu is repeated here.
Fixed. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Retail Version

Link Microsoft Store
It's already linked. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Whoops, you're right, nevermind. Le Panini ^Talk 16:47, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Although I don't have anything specific about the reception section, it seems there is a lot of "A said B", which gets repetitive. Check out WP:RECEPTION, which goes into this in detail. If you need me to point out anything specific, let me know. Le Panini ^Talk 13:37, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Refurbished. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General

There are multiple duplicate links in here, and it goes against the MOS. Try using this script. Le Panini ^Talk 14:43, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Gerald WL 16:36, 20 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Overall, however, I don't have much to add or change. I am trying to stick away from just simple "re-phrase this sentence" because everyone has their own opinion, and the article might go through a lot of drafts if more people suggest other things.

The only major things about formatting that should be kept in check is the Overview section. Here's some things:

@Gerald Waldo Luis:According to WP:MOS: Some topics are intrinsically technical, but editors should try to make them understandable to as many readers as possible. I've got good knowledge with technology and simply how this stuff works in general, but this section did have me re-read sections over again to actually understand. I've marked sections here that I think need clarification. If you can't find a way to explain this better, maybe reach out to WP:GOCE or WP:VG. It's gonna be hard to do, because a lot of complicated stuff goes into this. However, WP:ONEDOWN describes this issue; Writing one level down means if there's something you can't really describe by just linking to an article, explain to the readers as if they have no knowledge of, like, anything. Use Super Mario Bros. 35 for example! I just explained the battle version of the game, and then I got suggestions during the GA review process. IceWelder (the reviewer) said "What if they don't know what Super Mario Bros. is?" I had to explain that.

Maybe just take everything that's there, and just re-write it. It's a long task, but we have to do this stuff eventually. I'm dreading on writing the reception section to Kirby Fighters 2.

I think the article is pretty swell from there, though! It wouldn't be hard to get this to GA status, but I would suggest getting opinions from more experienced editors if you're gonna shoot for FA. There's really no point in stopping. While you wait for more responses (I'd really suggest reaching out to people part of WPVG), would you mind giving your suggestions at my peer review, Paper Mario: The Origami King? Anything would help. Call it a Quid pro quo, I suppose. Le Panini ^Talk 04:07, 21 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from OceanHok edit

The overview section delves very deep into the technology, but it doesn't explain the game's gameplay. I remember the game have stuff like landing challenges, flight plans, multiplayer, arcade-ish modes vs. full-on simulation modes etc. The article needs to give more information about what the players actually do and what they can do in this game.
OceanHok, I'll try add details on the gameplay when I have the time. But I'm afraid not many RSes cover all aspects of the game. I hope there's an OR pass here, like film articles do on its Plot section. Gerald WL 11:53, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I am concerned about the extensive use of quotes in both the development section and the reception section. You may want to paraphrase them a bit.
Removed the last quote in Development. I don't think the use of quotes in Reception is that big of concern. Gerald WL 11:59, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
We don't list pricing as it falls under WP:GAMECRUFT
Removed. Gerald WL 12:03, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
There really isn't much point of having a pre-release section, unless the reception pre-release and the reception post-release were significantly different from each other. The part about the actual reception of the game (paragraph 1, 2 and 5 of the critical response section) is actually a bit too short.
I'm afraid there's no "Pre-release" section. Gerald WL 12:03, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
While this really isn't much of an issue, I think it is a bit odd that hardware accessories and 3rd party creator content are not mentioned in this article, since they are quite a big deal for a flight simulator. It would also be interesting to note that since MSF incorporates real world weather data, players actually tries flying into hurricanes, or how the SF fire translated into the game.
Done. Gerald WL 15:21, 22 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
[1] The world update is perhaps worth noting, as it indicates how Asobo may plan to deliver future content for the game.
The article should mention about its sales, and how it can potentially drive PC hardware accessories sales.

These are just some general comments on the article. I think you have handled the most complicated part (the technology) pretty well already, so my comments listed above are just some easy stuff that you can fix quite quickly. OceanHok (talk) 15:56, 21 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]