Wikipedia:Peer review/Angelita C. et al. v. California Department of Pesticide Regulation/archive1

Angelita C. et al. v. California Department of Pesticide Regulation

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I've listed this article for peer review because... topic is obscure but important. Rescued from AfD. I think it is a fairly good case study of regulatory capture, not to mention industrial agriculture and American immigration policy

Thanks, Elinruby (talk) 00:05, 6 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Scope_creep

Walker 2017 is an unreliable source. It should be removed.

See question about this on your talk page Elinruby (talk) 15:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y Strawberry cultivation doesn't have a ref and isn't covered by [2].
Fruit orchards. That whole para is unrefed.

yeah ok, self-evident if you know the area, but most people won't. WIll address Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

It has one ref now, needs more Elinruby (talk) 15:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y I'd link artichokes. They are not that well known.
Y I'd link Salinas. I don't know if its a fruit or a town
Y In Castroville... Very long sentence.
Y link University of California, Davis
generated -> bred
Moxie and Royal Royce, may increase strawberry yield as much as 29 percent. Copied directly from source?
Between 1960 and 2014.. Is this a quote? It doesn't seem to have an intro
Y Monterey County. Link this.
These harvests were almost entirely brought in -> Strawberries were almost entirely harvested by
through back-breaking.. I would split this and expand it slightly as a different subject, e.e. Working conditions for indigeonous Mexican labour
Y undocumented is mentioned twice
speak -> spoke
Agricultural acreage peaked and began to shrink. No ref and why?
began -> that began
Is the current period, although the mention is 1942
What is drift? Bit confused about this.
"participants could be exposed to pesticides through" Para seems to be unsourced

fixed this Elinruby (talk) 15:07, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y Centers for Disease Control. Link it

More later. scope_creep^Talk 09:25, 6 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y Central Coast. Link this.
Y California Department of Pesticide Regulation. Link
Y methyl bromide. Link
planting -> a crop
CP and MB. These acronyms are only partially defined.

these are acronyms for pesticides. Will address Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

disproportionate health harm to Latino school -> disproportionate harm to the health of Latino school
No reference in this para.
Notably, the spraying occurred from mid-August through late May, while school was in session. No ref.

pretty sure that is from the text of the complaint and I don't have a link for it right now, but ok, will fix Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y methyl iodide. Link
Y carcinogen, neurotoxin, and endocrine disruptor. Link these
"Ongoing, systematic and widespread violations.." Odd to open a new section and opening para with quote. Needs an intro
California DPR. Not defined
Y1,3-dichloropropene. Link
CDR is not defined.
Y Office of Civil Rights. Link possibly
Y Al-Jazeera. Link
Agency whistleblowers described physical intimidation and abusive language. Does this need a ref and full stop?

added an "and" Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y Sheldon Whitehouse. Link
Y Rudolf Virchow. Link
YPressure on EPA regulators often came from lawmakers.At a 2006 ->space
neurotoxin. Link
Y 1,2,3-trichloropropane.Link
Y What is Telone?

it's that 1,3D pesticide. Have not looked yet at first mention of those Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Mention it is a brand name, but too much. Don't want any wp:promo. scope_creep^Talk 16:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Y In the Trump-> During the Trump

They are pouring more and more poison onto the land. No wonder cancer rates were 1 in 10 in 1900 to 1 in 2 now. I will run through it again. scope_creep^Talk 21:04, 6 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

starting at United States Congress

altered the landscape. I would change that. I would replace with something like "change to working conditions" (may be too specific). Lanscape suggest physical reality rather than policy, maybe political landscape. Lanscape is the wrong context here.
Possibly link Seth Holmes to Seth M. Holmes
Montreal ... Seems to be standalone. Was ok yesterday. This is part of a quote. Forget this. scope_creep^Talk 07:44, 9 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
900% more pesticides -> 900% more pesticide
Link lung edema
Link ppm further up the article to Parts-per notation if not done.
NIOSH 2011 doesn't have a cite
"Cancer-Causing Pesticide 'Garbage' Taints Tap Water for Millions in California". Environmental Working Group ref is non-rs.
National Institute of Health (2018). "Agricultural Health Study: 2018 Study Update. Doesn't have a url

The article is starting to look better already. scope_creep^Talk 16:32, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Discussion

I noticed after I submitted this that a lot of wikilinks hadn't been done. Will do that now.
I sent you some photos I could upload. They need editing first though. So it would be good to have an opinion on whether they are useful.

disregard, gmail is telling me they are too big. Calling this a manana problem for now. I did add a map I found on Commons Elinruby (talk) 14:03, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps Google Drive and send me a share to my email. scope_creep^Talk 10:28, 8 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Drift as used in the article means a chemical sprayed in the fields that spreads beyond the field. Effects have been recorded 7.5 miles away.

That wasn't clear, although its plain as day now. I would put an explainer in. scope_creep^Talk 10:28, 8 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Salinas is a small city and also a county

Either say county or city of ... scope_creep^Talk 16:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

we also have an article for Salinas Valley; went with that Elinruby (talk) 07:04, 8 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Whistleblowers of course needs a ref. Pretty sure it is once of the Intercept pieces. Will fix. I tried to take this to DYK under the expansion clause, but couldn't get it done in time. I was pretty tired at the end so I appreciate the review. Elinruby (talk) 06:57, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Had some edit conflicts annotating the above but I have checked off the ones I think are done. Elinruby (talk) 14:00, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I had a sentence at the beginning of the geography section that defined "Central Coast" and mentioned/linked all the place names you mentioned. Since obviously that wasn't working, I moved the links down to the first mention of each, which theoreticall should make it easier to absorb the info. Let me know what you think.

I've never heard that term "General Coast". scope_creep^Talk 10:29, 8 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The unsourced sentences are probably one ref for two sentences, pretty sure, but I will check that and address. Elinruby (talk) 14:11, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]