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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 21:07, 21 February 2009 [1].

Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins edit

Nominator(s): -- Collectonian (talk · contribs)

I am nominating this article for featured article because I feel it meets all of the FA criteria. The article passed GA in July after going through a peer review. The article is fully comprehensive, containing all relevant, reliably sourcable information that appears to be available, and all content is completely and reliably sourced. I believe it is well-written, having not changed substantially since its PR and GA going overs. Structure follows the Film MoS with minor modifications to allow for its semi-documentary nature, and all citations are consistent (using the various cite web/news/etc templates). -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 21:08, 3 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments -

Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:15, 4 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I don't understand your first one. All of the citations use the various cite templates? There is no use of {{Citation}}. Fixed the citations accidentally using publisher instead of work for paper names. Fixed Kilday. http://friends.kalahari-meerkats.com/index.php?id=fkmp_welcome is one of the two sites by Kalahari Meerkat Project, through which they release information about the meerkats being studied within the project. They are the ones who "control" the area where the series is filmed and which Animal Planet has permission to film from and gets information from. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 01:42, 4 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose
  • "as a prequel to the hit Animal Planet series"
  • "late Whisker's matriarch Flower's early" – This is pretty messy. First of all, I'm not familiar with the series, so I don't know who these characters are, and on top of that, there are two possessives in the same breath? Surely it can be cleaner.
  • "from birth throughto her assumption"
  • "75 minute" – needs a dash
  • "before its May 25, 2008 television premiere on Animal Planet" – Why not more direct, like "before premiering on Animal Planet television channel on May 25, 2008"
  • "Breaking for the series norm" – I'm not quite sure what this is trying to say.

There are more issues like this, where a few things aren't really clear to an unfamiliar reader. Gary King (talk) 04:08, 4 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed all of those. Will read through again to see if I see anymore. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 01:43, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
This oppose is several weeks old; has Gary King been asked to revisit? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:26, 21 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Still a few issues, as Laser brain pointed out below. I found a few more, like:
  • "but the actual script was found to beconsidered too simple for adult viewers."
  • "Flower mates with his brother, Zaphod" – I was thinking why she mated with her own brother. I suggest, "Flower mates with hisYossarian's brother, Zaphod"
  • "reclaim it from" – Who's doing the reclaiming? In the sentence, it's technically Flower, but I'm assuming it's actually the group, so that needs to be fixed.
  • "that they believe this film to be the first" – Less awkward – "that they believe that this film is the first"
  • "to every be" – Typo
  • "The film iswas directed"
  • "providesd the"
  • I think a few links would be appropriate in some cases, like linking Kalahari Desert, and a few other terms that are unique and relevant and not necessarily something that is commonly known.

Gary King (talk) 20:36, 21 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also all fixed. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 23:34, 21 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Image review: single non-free image with appropriate rationale, no issue. Jappalang (talk) 01:38, 5 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) I won't lean one way or the other because I don't have time to read the whole article right now.

  • "feeling it was a"-->feeling that it was a
  • "did not think the film offered anything new for series watchers, feeling it was a "re-edited, re-scored, re-narrated" version of the series rather than a new product." Redundant phrasing "offered anything new ... new product".
  • "While he found Goldberg's narration to be of higher quality than most documentaries grew monotonous as the film moved on." This is not a sentence.

More later. Dabomb87 (talk) 13:37, 16 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Those all fixed :) -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 14:22, 16 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Woops, yes there is.[2] Fixed in the article. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 18:09, 18 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose, 1a. The prose is just OK. This could have used a peer review or independent copyedit before it was brought here, because it's not ready in its current condition. Below are some representative issues; please get someone new to go through the whole text. It shouldn't take long.
    • "... the 75-minute film first premiered" Spot the redundancy.
    • "Shot over the span of two years, the film's script ..." The script wasn't shot, the film was shot.
    • "natural history prequel" What does that mean?
    • "While Meerkat Manor is filmed with a small crew ..." This whole sentence is quite confused and badly-written. The way it begins, it reads like you are referring to the meerkats as the crew.
    • "Unknown" meerkat actors? As opposed to known meerkat actors?
    • Why aren't you using the technical term for a group of meerkats, instead of constantly saying "group"?
    • There are places where you say "the film's script" but it suffices to just say "the script".
    • "Breaking for the series pure documentary format ..." ?
    • "The camera crew continuously searched out appropriately aged meerkats to follow and film them until the meerkats displayed the appropriate actions needed for the script." Grammar.
    • "... the cinematographers had to be more careful in their movements" More careful than what?
    • "Other meerkat deaths depicted were pure reenactments." How is a pure reenactment different from a reenactment?
--Laser brain (talk) 04:30, 21 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed most of the ones mentioned above. For "Unknown" meerkat actors, yes as opposed to the meerkats from the series. I've tried to word this better to address this. For the technical term, that is because they don't use the "technical term" for a group of meerkats (whatever it is) anywhere in the series nor in the real KMP project, they are referred to strictly as as groups and families. No idea how long a copyedit would take, but finding an actual copyeditor is a whole other issue. Will try though. -- Collectonian (talk · contribs) 04:46, 21 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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