Mtghawkesbay
Mtghawkesbay, you are invited on a Wikipedia Adventure!
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December 2013
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Hello, I'm Jns4eva. I wanted to let you know that I removed one or more external links you added to the page Frank Carpay, because they seemed to be inappropriate for an encyclopedia. If you think I made a mistake, or if you have any questions, you can leave me a message on my talk page, or take a look at our guidelines about links. Thank you. Jns4eva (talk) 03:54, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
Your submission at Articles for creation: MTG Hawke's Bay
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There are several problems with your article at present (I'm not sure if you meant to submit it or not, as there are two submissions and one non-submission). The first is the fact that this article seems to be written like a brochure and not an encyclopedia. Please read how Wikipedia articles should be written. The second is that it appears you have a conflict of interest, which may prevent you from editing neutrally. Please read our policy on Autobiographies, WP:PEACOCK and WP:PROUD for more information. Also, as I posted on your talk page, Wikipedia only accepts certain types of external links and your Facebook, blog and other links do not fall under this clause and need to be removed (the only link that is OK to stay is a link to the homepage itself). The biggest reason for this decline, however, is that the article lacks notability at this time. Do you have any verifiable third party references that you can back up your content with? Please add some references, reword the article (in particular, the quotes need to be integrated into the article or removed), remove the links in question and resubmit the article. Happy editing! Jns4eva (talk) 04:28, 4 December 2013 (UTC)
Welcome to The Wikipedia Adventure!
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Advice
editHello Mtghawkesbay, I had a chance to read over your article. Unfortunately, it still needs a lot of work before it can be accepted. For starters, there's still a lot of text that isn't neutrally written, such as "William Colenso, printer of some of the most significant documents in New Zealand history, missionary, explorer and botanist, a freewheeling politician and controversialist, transcended his skills in botany and natural history to be recognised as a man of real intellectual distinction", "He has an understanding of New Zealand social history, a sense of place and identity, knowledge of art, design and architecture, and a passion for those who have contributed, currently and historically, to the New Zealand aesthetic" and even minor ones like "Opening in 1865 MTG Hawke’s Bay has been on its current site for over 150 years and inhabits three buildings". This is an example of what we call "Peacock Words" and even minor ones like "has been on its current site for over 150 years" reflect positively on your company and are not neutrally written, though it may not appear that way at first.
Another suggestion I'd like to make is to integrate your history into one single heading, rather than split up into years as it is a widely accepted standard that company articles have a single "History" heading. Also, Wikipedia only accepts verifiable, referenced facts for articles, so it may be wise to trim out anything you can't verify by a third party reference as you're integrating it all into one heading. The quotes I mentioned previously are a good example of something that could be trimmed out, unless you can find a way to use them to verify fact in the article (and have a reference for them). Your artists section should also be condensed into a referenced line such as "MTG Hawkes Bay currently holds work from [insert artist here] (Ref), [insert second artists] (Ref) and [third] (Ref)" rather than a separate section.
There were also a few minor points I noticed. One is that you are including years in the article after subjects, such as "Grand Baignante III (1957)" and "James Augustus Louis Hay (1881– 1948)". It's generally better to provide a link to their page, which will contain that information, rather than include it in the article. The info itself is fine, just the years following it need to be chopped (say "Grand Baignante III" instead of "Grand Baignante III (1957)"). Your "Links" header should also be changed to "External Links" to comply with the community standard.
Also, here are a few links to help you out: Notability for Companies, Writing Better Articles, Reliable Sources Checklist, Wikipedia's Business Article FAQs and Neutral Point of View tutorial. I hope this doesn't discourage you from editing and you continue to improve your article. Your article has come a long way and I thank you for both your willingness to learn and your openness to change. If you have any more questions or just need another pair of eyes again, please let me know on my talk page. Thanks again! Jns4eva (talk) 20:32, 12 December 2013 (UTC)
Please take a brief survey about The Wikipedia Adventure
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- --thanks and cheers, Ocaasi 20:28, 23 December 2013 (UTC)
Your submission at Articles for creation: MTG Hawke's Bay (January 10)
edit - If you would like to continue working on the submission, you can find it at Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/MTG Hawke's Bay.
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Your submission at Articles for creation: MTG Hawke's Bay (January 13)
edit The existing submission may be deleted at any time. Copyrighted work cannot be allowed to remain on Wikipedia.
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