User:Kenfyre/Cruelty against husbands in India

Kalighat Painting Calcutta 19th Century - Woman Strinking Man With Broom

Cruelty against Husband (in India) is misusing the laws which are aimed to protect from Domestic Violence against innocent husband and his family members either with the ulterior motives of money extraction or to settle the scores. In many of such instances, the husband is physically, mentally and psychologically subjected to harassment.

In India, there is a myth widespread among the women that the Dowry laws are favorable to them. Taking the favor as an opportunity, when the husband refuses to dance to the tunes of his wife or her kith and kin, utilizing the laws as weapons or threatening him to utilize them is termed as Cruelty against Husband.

Hindu Marriage Tradition

In a Hindu marriage, the following mantras are versed while the groom ties the knot with the bride.

Maangalyam thanthunaanaena mama jeevitha hethunaa
Kanthe badnaami subhage tvam jeeva sara dassatham
(I am tying this MangalaSutra for the sake of my life
Oh one with good radiance, may you live along with me for a hundred autumns)

Both the bride and the groom are made to take the following as a vow.

Dharmecha arthecha kamecha tyayesha naaticharitavya naaticaharaami
(In rendering the responsibility, in procuring the wealth and in the satisfaction of desires we will be together with each other)

The couple takes seven steps around the fire, indicating that their bond extends to seven reincarnations. The bride bows her head in the presence of the influential and the elderly to get the knot tied, indicating that she is accepting this marriage in all the ways. The wife is thus supposed to treat her husband as a direct God for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, in the recent past, she has been trying to portray him as a criminal in the court of justice with false allegations.

Background

The Laws

In fact, Dowry Prohibition Act was incorporated as Indian Penal Code (IPC) under the section 302 in the year 1961. As per the law both demanding and giving dowry are crimes . The impact of the law on this century old tradition was least. Due to the very nature of the Indian society being Androcentric and the long prevalence of the joint family system there has been an increasing demand in dowry from the groom and his family side before and after marriage which has resulted in the harassment of the bride and her family. Considering all the facts for years together, IPC has come up with a new law in the year 1983 under section 498a to control the domestic violence faced by the fair sex.

This law, being Non-Bailable and Cognizable (recognized as crime) laid paths to its misuse. Till now this law is Compoundable (can be taken back or can be compromised) only in the states of Telangana, Andhra Pradesh and Rajasthan.

As per the strict instructions in the law, any wife can complain on her husband and his family members without providing any of any proofs. The police can immediately arrest all the people who are facing the allegations. Bails for the accused were at the discrimination of the magistrate/judge. They were considered criminals till their innocence is proved. But-

• Being one of the laws which have been using most misused
• Women aiming innocent men and by the time the accused are proved innocent men suffering irreparable losses in their lives
• Apart from the primary accused, the allegations extending even to the in-laws, their old parents who are on the deathbeds, the siblings (both male and female) who are very far away or even in foreign countries, and sometimes even the non-exception of the infants in men's families
• The law intended to the protection of a woman in the role of wife, being a curse the women in the roles of in-laws

have also been taken into consideration by the apex legal body, The Supreme Court of India. Hence, it has been suggesting time and again that none of the accused (including husband) should be arrested unless necessary or the allegations are provided with prima facie evidences.

The Changing Times

In fact, in the recent past due to factors like-

• The spreading of Feminism worldwide
• Increase in the literacy levels, higher education levels in India, which resulted the change in the attitude among men towards women and increased levels of mental maturity in men
• Women striving at workplaces for the protection and development of the family, more and more men appreciating it and not objecting women to work, the increasing awareness on Gender Equality
• A rapid increase in the employment due to Globalization, Privatization and Liberalization leading to the formation of nuclear families. And as a result, much more availability of privacy to the married couple, increase in mutual understanding between them
• An increase in the levels of income leading to financial independence. Men's parents not interfering in their family affairs
• The sacrificing nature of men's parents, and the thoughts that the problems and shortcomings faced by them should not be faced by their children and allowing the man more liberty and freedom in his family

-it can be claimed that Dowry Harassment and Domestic Violence has reduced in India.

Reasons

But -

• For any reason when the wife feels that the family bond has become a burden to her
• A wife or her family members who are waiting for an opportunity to take a vengeance on the husband
• Wife who has married her husband only for his property and who wants to divert his property to her or her parents, whose husband is against it and who is finding ways to extract the property from him
• Interference of wife's family members in her family affairs
• A wife who is of the misconception that she is capable of putting her husband behind bars if he is not ready to dance to her tunes
• A husband being alert with such wife, and due to this the friction formed in between them
• Unaware that each and every allegation a wife claims has to be accompanied with evidence, and portraying exaggerated versions of minor incidents (the regular wear-and-tear of the family)
• Misguiding policemen and lawyers who want to make a fortune in such cases
• Women who are of the misconception that in the form of maintenance or compromise, they can collect a huge amount from the husband
• Those women who cannot communicate to their parents that the marriage is not according to her wish, but do not want to be exposed to their anger. Unable to compromise with the life after marriage
• Those women who cannot think independently and always seek others' advice and cannot judge if it would be really useful for her, or anybody
• Those women who do not want their defects get exposed and in the process, become ready to make others as scapegoats (Ex:
  • Those with defects in their genitals and cannot afford to give sexual pleasure
  • To avoid the stigma from the husband, when the wife's extra-marital affairs are exposed
  • Those women who do not want to get pregnant, hoping that children would be a constraint to her separation or divorce from husband later, and employing aborting measures secretly. Those women, as a result being pressurized for children by husband or his family members
• Those women who want child protection be given to her

are forced to file fake cases on their husband and are trying to portray as a criminal to the world like never before.

Applicability

Irrespective of caste, religion, region and language the misuse of the law prevails. The threat is everywhere and is not restricted to

• Arranged marriages
• Love marriages with/without parents' consent from either/both sides
• In Live-in relationships

Men who are against dowry are no exceptions. These allegations are slapped against even men who have paid wedding expenses from their own pockets. Post marriage, if the wife dies due to an accident or commits suicide for some other reason, her parents are taking it an opportunity to file these cases and in addition, murder cases as well. Sensitive men are feeling that they are half-dead the day they have faced such allegations. Since children's possession is mostly given to mother, unable to kill the love on them, unable to neither oppose the law, nor make wife compromise, nor unable to live without seeing their children, many men are getting addicted to vices and sometimes are trying to commit suicide/have committed suicide.

Misuse

The law is made of ideal motives. But the loopholes in the law are used by women to target innocent men. It has been evident that in recent times 85% of cases are filed just to threaten husband and his family members.

Quotes

A judge of the Supreme Court by himself

The law, intended to be a shield to protect women, has been turned into a weapon to torment men.

Another legal expert termed this as Legal Terrorism

A female lawyer of Delhi who argues in the favor of women

I'm always seeing decent men put in jail by women because they want custody of the children or the house. Strong, successful men turn into mental wrecks fighting these cases because they go sometimes for two decades. 

Another advocate

Some women use it to keep the husband under their thumb. They've got their finger on the trigger all the time.

A volunteer of Save Indian Family

The victims of 498A tend to be successful men. That's why their wives try to extort money out of them by framing them. Poor men, fortunately, don't suffer from abuse of the dowry law because there is no point framing a bus driver or a rickshaw wallah, is there? We tell them that if they are innocent, they should not pay their wife a single penny.

Allegations

Allegations differ from case to case. Yet, when it comes to false allegations since they are preplanned, cold-blooded and their sole intention is to cause inconvenience to and threaten husband, they are more or less similar. A few examples:

• That the husband does not care about wife or his in-laws and verbally abuse them
• That he has vices, smokes, takes alcohol, takes drugs and has extra-marital affairs
• That he harasses sexually, forces her to accept his unnatural sexual advances and forces her to do sexual acts which she resents to do normally (Ex: Forcibly shows her pornography)
• That he harasses for dowry all the time, if not arranged tortures physically and mentally. That he necks her out of the house. That he is always in favor of his parents in this issue.
• That he repeatedly forces her for divorce and threatens her that he will get remarried to another woman
• That he keeps pointing out childlessness
• That he keeps point out that she is not beautiful hence he cannot derive sexual pleasure out of her
• That he objects her from studying further
• That he resists her employment
• That he restricts her to house and does not take her out
• That he does not bear her minimum expenses
• That he misuses her own property

Any gentleman does not want to face any of these allegations. Fortunately or unfortunately such allegations are not provable in the court of law. Not just these allegations, even the voice/video recordings which were done while the arguments were happening cannot be proved. The court seeks evidences beyond reasonable doubt before convicting a person and these evidences cannot be beyond reasonable doubt.

Supreme Court's Comments

The Supreme Court of India has been commenting on this issue lately. It has expressed its disapproval in the way which Indian marriage system, otherwise greatly revered has been now made a joke with frivolous issues in the families. It is alarmed that he policemen and the lawyers who have to take the responsibility of protecting families by reducing the friction which has risen are taking this as an opportunity to satisfy their unending greed for wealth. They have been going beyond their limits even in the incidents where the arrest is not required at all by docking in internally among themselves.

Without sufficient reasoning, or evidence arresting the accused draconically can not be entertained anymore. These warnings have been made time and again but in vain. It is indeed unfortunate that the Indian Parliament had to intervene and make its recommendations. Hence in the revised Criminal Procedure Code (Cr.PC) Supeme Court has clearly stated that in future if anybody is arrested unreasonably, there will be disciplinary actions taken against the ones who have exercised the power of arrest.

The petitions and counter petitions of Shweta Kiran and Arnesh Kumar

Shweta Kiran, wife of Arnesh Kumar has filed fake cases on her husband and her mother-in-law. Arnesh Kumar appealed for bail which was rejected in the lower court. He then knocked the door of Supreme Court. The Supreme Court made it clear that unless any person alleged has to be imprisoned for more than seven years (which means in the cases like murder, attempt to murder, rape and attempt to rape), the alleged cannot be considered for arrest. Since in 498A/Domestic Violence/Dowry Harassment cases, the maximum imprisonment is only for three years it has granted bail for both Arnesh Kumar and his mother.

The comments made in this case as on 2 July 2014 -

The institution of marriage is greatly revered in this country.

The simplest way to harass is to get the husband and his relatives arrested under this provision.

...the power of arrest is one of the lucrative sources of police corruption.

The attitude to arrest first and then proceed with the rest is despicable.

The existence of the power to arrest is one thing, the justification for the exercise of it is quite another. Apart from power to arrest, the police officers must be able to justify the reasons thereof.

Arrest brings humiliation, curtails freedom and cast scars forever. Law makers know it so also the police.

It has not come out of its colonial image despite six decades of independence, it is largely considered as a tool of harassment, oppression and surely not considered a friend of public.

The petitions and counter petitions of Manisha Poddar and Preeti Gupta

Manisha Poddar filed fake cases on her husband and his siblings. Preethi Gupta, the sister-in-law of Manisha Poddar appealed to Supreme Court that they were not present at the time and place where Manisha has claimed that she has been subject to violence/harassment in her case. Manisha's intentions were only aimed to cause inconvenience to her husband and them. Supreme Court has approved bails to them.

Its comments in the case as on 13 August 2010 -

Unfortunately, at the time of filing of the complaint the implications and consequences are not properly visualized by the complainant that such complaint can lead to insurmountable harassment, agony and pain to the complainant, accused and his close relations.

The ultimate object of justice is to find out the truth and punish the guilty and protect the innocent. To find out the truth is a herculean task in majority of these complaints.

At times, even after the conclusion of criminal trial, it is difficult to ascertain the real truth. 

Experience reveals that long and protracted criminal trials lead to rancour, acrimony and bitterness in the relationship amongst the parties. 

...if the husband or the husband's relations had to remain in jail even for a few days, it would ruin the chances of amicable settlement altogether. The process of suffering is extremely long and painful. 

...exaggerated versions of the incident are reflected in a large number of complaints.  

Unfortunately a large number of these complaints have not only flooded the courts but also have led to enormous social unrest affecting peace, harmony and happiness of the society. 

It is high time that the legislature must take into consideration the pragmatic realities and make suitable changes in the existing law. 

Cruelty

There is not hard and fast rule on what amounts to cruelty. It all depends on the lifestyle, socio-economic status and the culture/traditions/human values followed by the families of the couple. An act considered cruel in a case, may not be considered cruel in the other. But the legal experts have made some formulations and marked a few deeds as cruel.

The actions listed below are not considered as physical violence, but since they hurt him mentally which directly and indirectly have impact on his physical health, these are considered as cruel deeds..

• Insulting the husband in front of relatives and friends
• Breaking the knot (ManagalaSutra) in front of husband's relatives
• Breaking the garland on the very wedding day
• Pinpointing his physical inefficiency
• Denying physical intercourse with husband
• Getting married without applying for divorce
• Deliberately wearing clothes which the husband does not like
• Neglecting husband
• Getting involved in extra-marital affairs
• Indifference towards husband and insulting him
• Threatening him that she will commit a suicide
• Making him stay outdoors (not letting him in the house)
• Tearing off husband's t-shirt
• Not cooking properly/as per time
• Periodically visiting her parents home without husband's consent
• Rejecting to satisfy domestic requirements
• Complaining at husband's workplace
• Protesting against husband
• Making baseless allegations on husband
• Forcing a husband to separate from his parents

Mental Cruelty

Though Mental Cruelty has broad sense, it is defined as follows -

Between the two, if anybody has hurt the other mentally, or have subjected to violence, or have harassed it is considered as cruelty. ie. the one who is hurt should not live with the one who has hurt.

The following acts are considered cruel mentally

• Getting aborted at least twice when the husband and his family members wanted children
• Unbearable, thoughtless behavior without considering the consequences
• Filing fake cases

Sexuality/Sexual Relationship

A marriage is considered to be complete only when the sexual relationship is normal and comprehensive. As on the day of the marriage if any of the partners sustain deficiency in their genitals or for any other reason they cannot afford to provide sexual intercourse, those are considered to leave the marriage incomplete and such marriage is either not recognized or is cancelled.

If the husband is alleged of extra-marital affairs and those are proved baseless, even that is considered as cruelty which amounts to a fair cause for divorce unanimously.

Suggestions

As of 2012 the conviction rate in such cases is only 15% which is a great relief. Day-by-day the conviction rate has been coming down. But baseless allegations can be controlled to some extent with a little human effort. A few enlisted.

• The couple should know about the laws clearly before marriage
  • What are the actual circumstances in which a wife can approach a court? What are the merits and demerits?
  • What are the responsibilities of a husband? What should be done and what should not be done? How can a husband fight back fake cases
  • Closely following the changes in such laws which are fast changing
• If friction pops up in the marriage, husband should be patient and he should not react wildly
• The husband should keep his emotions in control all the time (A wife who wants to establish violence may tickle the emotions of husband and submit the evidence, or threaten him that she has obtained the evidence)
• The husband should never go beyond limits (Ex: Scolding wife, hitting her or exercising any type of harassment, violence on her)
• The husband should maintain friendly relationships with the neighbors, friends and relatives of the both. A woman is always considered the weaker sex and a man is always considered as a perpetrator. If the husband turns indifferent to any of them, that leaves them sufficient opportunity to misunderstand him.
• As soon as the husband suspects that the wife is about to file fake cases, the husband should consult the nearest/well-wishing legal experts and taking proper care
• Financially being alert. Since divorce is prospering as industry in metros like Delhi, men started transferring all their property either to parents or siblings so that they are safe at any cost
• The husband and his family members should never be afraid of the arrests. They should not think of being jailed as soon as the case is filed. The immediate action plan would be to procure bails. When compared to earlier times, the process of procuring bails has become much easier and affordable these days. If this one thing is done, the rest can be taken care of later.

Immediate Ill-effects

Friction occurring repeatedly in familial life leads to Cruelty against Husband. Though the wife does not have such intentions, due to the ulterior motives of the kith and kin, she is forced to take this action. Personally and professionally a husband has to face some immediate ill-effects. The husband should be ready for all such effects.

• If he holds a government job, there is a chance that he may get suspended. Regarding the maintenance, the transactions will be taking place between the court and the government. (His salary may get attached which means that the maintenance is deducted and he is paid the rest of the salary.)
• Even private organizations are not ready to continue an employee who is facing legal allegations. New jobs may not be offered purely on the grounds of legal allegations. The husband may need to think about the job only after the cases are solved.
• The husband has to suffer loneliness. He may be sorry when he sees couples spending time happily with their children
• Whether to take back his wife or not depends upon the mutual understanding of the couple. The couple should not be influenced by anybody and should be allowed to decide peacefully with a long-term view. If the wife becomes aware of mistake, then it is very fortunate to take her back. But if there is no guarantee that she will not commit the mistake again and again, then it is better for everybody to dissolve that marriage considering the following.
  • Since they failed in 498a/domestic violence and harassment cases, wife and her family members may think of other legal allegations
  • Later if wife dies in an accident, or commits a suicide for any other reason, the husband has to face murder allegations
  • The defeated wife may plan for murdering the husband

Supplementary Cases

Domestic Violence

Main article: Domestic Violence

There is not much difference between 498A and Domestic Violence case in India. If the wife has suffered violence, and if she wants a compensation or a solution for her problem, she can avoid the interference of the policemen and the lawyers by filing a Domestic Violence case. On providing proofs, the women protection officer counsels the couple and arranges for compensation from the husband. But if 498A case is registered first, and only then Domestic Violence case is filed, then it is redirected to the corresponding court again . The police may only intervene if the women protection officer's orders are not obeyed.

Maintenance

Main article: Maintenance

If the wife is not employed and is not able to support herself and the children, if any, then she may expect maintenance to be paid to her through IPC 125. But in such a case, the burden of proof lies with the wife. She has to prove where is the husband employed, how much he earns, whether he possesses any movable/immovable properties, etc. On verification of these documents, taking into consideration if there was violence (based on burden of proof again), the duration of marriage and number of kids, the court of law may decide on maintenance. There are no hard and fast rules on how much maintenance has to be paid, as it differs from case to case.

A wife can claim for temporary maintenance till the case runs in the court and claim permanent maintenance after the cases are closed. Whether to take it periodically or to take as a one time settlements depends on her wish. If for any reason, husband feels that the maintenance decided is high in the lower court, he can appeal for a higher court to make it more reasonable. He has to explain why the maintenance is high for him and the court decides whether his argument can be taken into consideration or not.

When maintenance is being paid periodically, for any reason, if the husband is not able to pay it, he can call his wife back. If she is not willing to come back, then he can approach the court again. Case can be again filed on a husband who is neither paying the periodical maintenance nor calls her back. This may lead to imprisonment of husband which may result in losing his job.

If the maintenance is paid as one time settlement both of them can start new lives all together.

Inconveniences

• Wife may file the cases in a location which is most suitable/favorable to her. Mostly this may be her own hometown. If the husband is working far away from this place, then the efforts of travel and the related expenses are inevitable.
• If the wife's parents are influential locally, then it can get much worse. Her parents may influence the local policemen and the lawyers so that they do not cooperate with him to the required extent. They may see that the case goes in favor of her.

Burden of Proof

Burden of Proof lies with the petitioner even in the case of Cruelty against Husband. If the husband can prove that there was cruelty then the court will grant divorce unanimously. (Otherwise, divorce is granted only with mutual consent in India.)

Social Perspective

Indian society has always considered cruelty against husband comically. Such a husband's sufferings are received only in a lighter vein.

Syed Makdoom's Suicide

Based out of Ahmedabad and settled in Canada, Syed Makdoom got introduced to Muskan Sehr on Shaadi.com. He left Canada for her, came to India within two weeks of his arrival, their wedding took place. They had a son, Syed Reyyan. Within a short while, Makdoom came to know about Muskan's realities. She already got married four times before the marriage with him, misused dowry laws and got separated from all of them. She had divorced only three of them while she did not divorce the latest husband and she got aborted many times earlier. When Muskan became aware that Makdoom came to know the facts, she again misused dowry laws on him. She again got separated from Makdoom. Only with the motive to redirect Makdoom's properties to their side, Muskan and her family members planned to separate Reyyan from Makdoom. Makdoom being a child lover by nature, was worried, since she never used to take proper care of Reyyan and sometimes physically abused the little boy. He could not live without seeing his son. He left no stone unturned to see his son.

I fell at her feet and begged to see my son. But to no avail. 

Muskan was not moved. As a final attempt, Makdoom approached a lawyer, who would never understand his feelings. All his lawyer could do was only dragging the case longer and longer. Makdoom could not tolerate it anymore, shot a video by himself in his he sent a message to his wife and the community, beseeching to show him his son. He sought his parents pardon, uploaded the video on youtube and committed a suicide.

Conclusion

A strong opponent of dowry and who has married the love of his life, paying wedding expenses from his own pocket, Delhi based documentary maker Suhaib Ilyasi's is no different story. Her wife Anju gifted him with a daughter for their love. But for reasons best known to her, she committed a suicide later. Anju's family members, only with the ulterior motives to get the child custody and to create a negative impression on Ilyasi, filed harassment cases on him. But none of the allegations were proved.

Ilyasi is much moved with his friend Makdoom's story than his own. It is only with Makdoom's sad demise, he is inspired to make the movie, 498A: The Wedding Gift.

A soft spoken Ilyasi says -

I believe we need strict laws against dowry. It is a thousand-year-old custom and there are greedy people in our society. Women are killed and men are cruel. That is the reality. But we need to amend the law so that innocent men do not suffer when the law is misused. That is the sole purpose of my film - to stop this ordeal.

Also See

• Nisha Sharma dowry case
• Suhaib Ilyasi
• Violence against men