Talk:Typhoon Ruby (1988)
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Todo edit
Never added this. YE Pacific Hurricane 17:42, 4 August 2017 (UTC)
GA Review edit
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- This review is transcluded from Talk:Typhoon Ruby (1988)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: CycloneIsaac (talk · contribs) 06:39, 15 April 2017 (UTC)
Reviewing later.—CycloneIsaac (Talk) 06:39, 15 April 2017 (UTC)
- "On October 27, Ruby made landfall as a tropical storm on Hainan. Ruby dissipated the next day." Merge those sentences?
- "Throughout the storm's lifetime, Typhoon Ruby was responsible for 287 lives." Could be shortened to Ruby.
- "Simultaneously, the system was also the most intense tropical cyclone to hit the main island of Luzon since Super Typhoon Patsy of the 1970 season." Shorten to Patsy.
- "Due to Ruby's threat to Hong Kong, a "no 3. hurricane signal" was issued, but was dropped on October 27 as the storm receded." Capitalize "No." and add this link instead.
- "Several shops in nearby Central Tin were flooded." You mean Central?
- You spelled Marylyn wrong in multiple occasions in the aftermath section. Probably should be italicized too.
- I think the retirement of the PAGASA name should be mentioned.
That should be it.—CycloneIsaac (Talk) 04:31, 24 April 2017 (UTC)
- @CycloneIsaac and Yellow Evan: There is more work that needs to be done for this article before it meets GA criteria, namely with the prose. I'll provide further corrections that need to be made tomorrow. ~ Cyclonebiskit (chat) 06:59, 24 April 2017 (UTC)
Comments from JC edit
Since Cyclonebiskit is having computer trouble, I'll offer some of my own suggestions for improvements. Not sure how far or in-depth I'll get yet, but I'll start from the beginning and add comments as I go along...
- The storm steadily intensified as it veered west - "veered" suggests an abrupt change in direction.
- In addition to being the strongest typhoon to hit the country since 1970, Ruby also brought widespread damage to the country. - not immediately clear that "the country" refers to the Philippines. Also, a little weird to present widespread damage as an "additional" thing to being the strongest in decades; they would seem to go hand in hand.
- Two sentences in a row start with "elsewhere" making for boring repetition.
- Although no deaths occurred within the city limits of Manila, the nation's capital, 11 people perished and 15,000 people lost their homes in the suburb of Marikina. - how do causalities in one place contradict the lack of them in another?
- The ferry info in the intro could be presented more clearly. Number of survivors → number of passengers → number of fatalities → number of missing is a really bizarre way of describing a disaster.
- life vessels and life boats - not sure how life vessels differ from life boats.
- shipping incident - "shipping" usually implies industrial transport of goods, and "incident" seems imprecise for an event that might have endangered more than a thousand people.
- this total excludes reports of 261 missing. - the most recent source for this was published the day the storm dissipated; has there never been an update?
- At least 110,000 of the nation's 56 million people were left homeless. - usually for the "x out of the country's y people" format to work, x has to be a significant fraction of y. Seems weird for >0.2%.
- You need to make clear that the discussion has shifted from the Philippines to China in the last paragraph of the lede.
- death to the Fujian Province - yikes...
- Overall, Typhoon Ruby was responsible for 288 lives. - first, storm's can't be responsible for any lives (they're too reckless). Second, if we're still calling the 261 ferry passengers missing after 30 years, that number is probably much too low.
- westward course typical of a "straight runner" - never heard that term before. Context needed.
- a small pinhole - does this mean it was small even by pinhole standards?
- You should specify 10-min and 1-min averages in-text for peak intensities.
- Make sure your terms are linked on the first usage and then delinked after that (Luzon for instance).
- As of 2006, Typhoon Ruby was ranked the twelfth most intense tropical cyclone (in terms of wind speed) to affect the Bicol Region. - for a storm as recent as 1988, I think you either need to update or lose the 2006 superlative.
- "Simultaneously" not the right word.
- The system entered the South China Sea the next morning. - it's been several lines since you last mentioned the date. Change to "the morning of of October 25" or the like.
- Based analysis from the JMA
- took toll on the storm
- That afternoon - again, I think references to "that time of day" should only occur immediately after you specify the date.
- Land interaction [...] accelerating the weakening trend,
- Ten people were feared dead, including two whose bodies were recovered,[19] one of whom was a child,[20] on October 23 - way too complicated.
- a tornado wiped away six villages - be honest - did it actually wipe away six villages?
- There, five others drowned in floodwaters triggered by flash flooding,[21] resulting in 26,000 displaced from their homes. - five people drowning resulted in 26,000 being displaced?
- Avoid "perished" per WP:EUPHEMISM
- three children were rescued from a tree - in a natural disaster that impacted millions, this is far too much detail.
- There, - where? You have four or five sentences starting with "There". It's a little awkward, so I try to avoid that structure more than once or twice in an article.
- According to military reports, five people were killed and 40 others were presumed dead when a bus fell under the Sibalom River in the central portion of Panay island after a 300 m (985 ft) bridge under construction collapsed,[27] most of whom were either trapped inside the bus or were swept away by flood waters. - pretty major run-on; not sure how a bus can fall under a river; conversion needs adj=on; and dangling modifier.
- In the capital city of Manila, power was knocked out,[14] numerous landslides occurred,[22] resulting in many downed trees[13][16] and about 6,000 homeless,[16] The city itself suufered widespread flooding[14] but no deaths.[29] - even worse run-on with discordant clauses in abundance. Also, "suufered", and "the city suffered no deaths" is weird wording.
- The suburb of Marikina, however, sustained the worst impact of all Manila suburbs from the typhoon,[30] where a river overflowed their banks,[18] and 15,000 people were rendered homeless. - dangling participle again, "a river" should be "its" and not "their", "rendered" is poor word choice.
- water levels in one subdivision of the suburb was nearly 2.5 m (8.2 ft) high - "water levels [...] was"
- "to the trunks of banana trees, oil containers, and other tubes" - oil containers don't have trunks, and I'm not sure what "tubes" refers to here.
- A Continental Airlines DC-10 jetliner - link?
- where 24 hour rainfall total exceeded 25 mm (0.98 in). - doesn't fit in with the rest of the line, and probably so insignificant as to not even warrant including at all.
- "alternating" → "altering"
- crew members reported that the engine was failing and inhaling water, - you didn't really think we'd let you get away with "inhaling", did you? ;)
- The vessel was last witnessed - "witnessed" → "seen"/"spotted"
- presumably due to rough seas. - was there any question?
- According to reports obtained from the United Press International via the Philippine Coast Guard - should be the other way around. Also, no real need to mention UPI at all, since the actual source is known.
- with at least six of the survivors being children. - so?
- the passenger ferry had 451 passengers - unsightly repetition.
- On the other hand, the Coast Guard counted 487 passengers and crew members, although earlier reports suggested the organization recorded 379 passengers and 60 crew members. - does "the organization" mean the USCG? If so, just go with the more official/newer count.
- Radio reports shortly after leaving Manila noted that the ship had 517 people on it. - radio reports leaving Manila?
- 52 people on board that were not officially reported as a passenger or crewmen. - "that" should be "who" and "a passenger or crewmen" needs consistency between singular and plural.
- In Almagro, 137 survivors washed onshore on October 25,[43] 120 of which reached shore via either life jackets or life boats. - "washed onshore" wouldn't usually suggest survivors. Also, "which" → "whom", and I'm not sure you can really reach shore "via" a life jacket.
- Eighteen others were buried in a common grave - eighteen other survivors?
- Twenty-two were found on Samar Island,[37] including two in Calbayog. - are we talking about survivors or causalities here?
- were placed abroad four buses and taken to hospitals or doctor offices for treatment. - "abroad" → "aboard", and you can probably just simplify the whole thing into something like "were transported on four buses to receive medical treatment".
- I really think you go into unnecessary detail about the ferry disaster. For the purposes of this article, we don't need to know where and when each passenger was found. It's also probably not worth detailing every conflicting report, even if outdated/debunked. If you do decide not to trim it, the second paragraph on this subject still needs to be overhauled so you don't jump between survivors and causalities so frequently.
- In a separate incident, the motor vessel Zenaida, - why spell out "motor vessel"?
- rendered missing - I know you dig the word "rendered" (I do too) but it doesn't work here.
- Moreover, the USS Blue Ridge found four crewmen of the 90 m (300 ft) Philippine freighter Jet Nann Five, which sank to the south of where the Marilyn sunk, about 12 hours after leaving Cebu City to Mindanao. - "Moreover" usually indicates a fact that further supports a previous argument, not an entirely new subject. For "the Marilyn", full ship name needed and in italics. Also, to which of the three involved ships does "12 hours after leaving Cebu City to Mindanao" refer?
- Fifteen of the 19 crewmen were reported as missing, and the four survivors were treated for second-degree sunburn, dehydration, and mild hypothermia. - does this mean the 15 missing sailors were later presumed dead?
- landing ship - needs a link
- smashed into a seawall, where two security guards needed to be rescued by firemen in seven taxicabs. - none of this makes any sense to me.
- Additionally, 2,742,666 people or 537,152 families were affected. - what does "affected" mean?
- On land alone, the Philippine Red Cross reported that 207 people died in the Philippines, which was slightly lower than the agencies earlier reports suggesting a death toll of 233. - 1) Where else would they report except on land? 2) "the agencies" needs grammar check. 3) why bother mentioning outdated reports at all?
- Changed, fixed, but I mention the report since it was lower than the previous total, sorta unusual.
- Furthermore, [...] In addition, [...] In all
- the storm accumulated - "accumulated" is a poor word choice.
- Aided by the northeastern monsoon - need a link.
- High seas [...] was then responsible"
- Heavy rains resulted in flash floods and increased river levels. - flash floods would imply increased river levels... probably no need to mention both.
- Telephone service [...] were disrupted
- necessitated evacuated
- Rainfall totaled 17.7 mm (0.70 in) from October 26 to October 31 at Hong Kong's Royal Observatory (HKO), slightly lower than the 33.7 mm (1.33 in) measured in Sai Kung, which was the highest recorded total in the general vicinity of Hong Kong. - they didn't really measure to the tenth of a millimeter, did they? Also, your "slightly lower" is actually about half the amount, and "the general vicinity of Hong Kong" is really weaselly.
- A large advertisement billboard - an advertisement billboard, eh?
- Flooding was reported in Central and Sha Tin. Several shops near Sha Tin were flooded. these two sentences need to be merged.
- A tree in Wong Tai Sin collapsed, blocking a road. - "fell", "toppled", "lay prostrate upon the silken meadow"... anything except collapsed, please.
- Toppled works. YE Pacific Hurricane 05:00, 28 April 2017 (UTC)
- In the suburb of Marikina, military helicopters rescued families trapped in trees for several days following the typhoon. - remove "the suburb of" since you've already discussed the location of Marikina. Also, were the rescues ongoing for several days or is that how long the families were trapped?
- to release $500,000 in calamity aid. - "release" → "allocate" or "pledge" or something.
- In addition to revenue - I wouldn't exactly call it "revenue".
- 3 millions of bottles of antibiotics. - grammar.
- awarded a $25,000 emergency cash grant for the purchase of medicines, canned food, and clothing. - awarded to whom?
- You're doing the Furthermore, [...] In addition, thing again in the "aftermath" section.
- Surely you can find a better word than "added" for donations?
- 2,500 containers of milk (worth $158,000) - what kind of containers? For the standard gallon, that would be something like $65 per unit...
- in cash - funds? Monetary donations? "Cash" too informal.
- Italy airlifted 3,000 blanket, 30 tents, 10,000 plastic folding water containers. - needs an "and".
- "Aguino" is a misspelling.
- the Marilyn - same as before, needs italics and full ship name.
- "passenger victims"?
- in the expense on the safety of the passengers. - "in" → "at", "on" → "of".
- nation's Transportation undersecretary - why just Transportation capitalized?
- ordered the company in court to explain why they should not lose their license for the accident - dramatic, yes, but doesn't tell us anything.
- President Aquino also ordered an investigation of the company. - you already said this.
- The Sulpicio Lines - remove "the".
- President Corazon Aquino ordered Sulpicio Lines temporarily closed while the government was asked to inspect its crews and ships. - "its" is unclear.
- Officials of the company - why not just "Company officials"?
These are the blatant errors and ambiguities I found on an initial read-through. There are plenty of other instances of clumsy wording where nothing is technically wrong, but improvements would still be beneficial. – Juliancolton | Talk 02:54, 28 April 2017 (UTC)
A Commons file used on this page has been nominated for speedy deletion edit
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You can see the reason for deletion at the file description page linked above. Community Tech bot (talk) 21:07, 30 June 2018 (UTC)