Talk:Menkauhor Kaiu

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Menkauhor Kaiu/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Tim riley (talk · contribs) 06:51, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

Starting first read-through. More soonest. Tim riley talk 06:51, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

This is plainly of GA standard. May I make a few preliminary suggestions on minor aspects of the prose?

• Duplicate links: in the main text we have more than one blue link for each of: Khentkaus II, Sed festival, Wadi Maghara, Ra, temple to the sun, Sahure, mastabas, Ptahhotep, Horus Qemaa, New Kingdom period, Teti and Userkaf.

Y Done. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Attestations
  • "hellenized" – the Oxford English Dictionary (and the Wikipedia article) would have us capitalise the word.

Y Done. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• • "A cylinder seal impression showing Menkauhor's horus name has also been unearthed in the pyramid complex of Nyuserre Ini, and in the necropolises of Giza and Gebelein" – this reads as though one seal impression has been found in three places.

Y Fixed! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Filiation
  • "The Czech Egyptologists…" – I shouldn't mention their nationality unless it is relevant. Same for Wilfried Seipel and Karl Richard Lepsius later in the text.

Y done. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Name
  • "The name of Menkauhor is in rupture…" – I see what you mean but this is not idiomatic English. You want something like "is in contrast with" or "is a departure from"

Y You are right this is a French idiom. I fixed it. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Duration
  • The citations at the end of the paragraph are not in numerical order.

Y fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Funerary cult
  • "for their sustenance or their own funerary cult" – should "cult" be plural here?

Y Well spotted! Typo fixed. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

• Pyramid
  • "The motivations for this choice may lie in that the Abusir plateau had become overcrowded" – this is a bit wordy. Perhaps something like "The reason for this choice may be that …"?

Y Yes the phrasing was heavy, I changed it as you advocated. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

I have corrected a few typos and comma splices: please check you're happy with my changes. Tim riley talk 07:06, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

Y I am very happy indeed! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:07, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

Overall summary

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   Well referenced.

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   Well referenced.

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   Well illustrated.

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

   Well illustrated.

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

No complications here. A fine article! If you have plans to take it to FAC I advise you to go to peer review first: there are a few very minor prose tweaks I haven't thought it necessary to raise for GAN but which will need doing before FAC. Please ping me if you take the article to PR. Tim riley talk 10:39, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

Tim riley Thank you very much for your help, I have put up the article to PR as you advised, see here. Iry-Hor (talk) 11:26, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

I'll be there in a day or two, and will see if I can press-gang some reinforcements. Tim riley talk 15:21, 17 July 2015 (UTC)

Sentence removed from body

I have cut the following from the first section since an editor has marked it as unsourced. If someone finds a source please add it back in. I also removed a summarizing line on this point from the lede.

"After the ephemeral Shepseskare, Menkauhor is the second most obscure ruler of the dynasty. " Sizeofint (talk) 10:40, 29 April 2016 (UTC)

I can't remember which but a Verner article calls Shepseskare the most obscure king of the dynasty, while the entire Coppens' article is name "Menkauhor. A barely known king of the 5th Dynasty". Thus Menkauhor is de facto the second most obscure king of the dynasty. This ordering is also apparent in the numerous sources (e.g. Grimal, Malek, Altenmuller and Verner) talking about both kings, where both are called obscure and Shepseskare gets less treatment than Menkauhor given that even less is known about him. Iry-Hor (talk) 14:45, 29 April 2016 (UTC)

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