Talk:Central Valley High School (Ceres, California)

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Portions of this article read like a brochure edit

Latest comment: 5 years ago2 comments2 people in discussion

Parts of this article read like a brochure for Central Valley High School. For example, the following sentence is under the 'Campus' subheading: "CVHS students currently enjoy great features of this campus, that include: the latest technology for students in the computer labs and science classes, a state-of-the-art gymnasium with a sound system that rivals those at large stadiums, tennis courts and athletic facilities that are second to none in the area and a cafeteria that contains the largest refrigerators imaginable."

I don't know if it's just my opinion, but this reads a lot like a promotional ad. Any thoughts on how best to fix it? Stellarnebula (talk) 15:44, 20 April 2019 (UTC)Reply

No, Stellarnebula, it certainly isn't your imagination. The whole article is written very poorly. I removed the campus section entirely. First, it had no secondary sources. Second, as you mentioned, it was ridiculously over the top promo. I could live with the source if it was neutrally paraphrased and not so detailed. However, the same info from a secondary source would be much better. The whole article needs a rewrite. If you want to do it, I'll be happy to guide you. Drop me a note on my talk if you wish. John from Idegon (talk) 16:23, 20 April 2019 (UTC)Reply

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