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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Michael Collins (astronaut)

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Article promoted by Sturmvogel 66 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 23:20, 1 February 2019 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Michael Collins (astronaut) edit

Instructions for nominators and reviewers

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk) and Kees08 (talk)

Michael Collins (astronaut) (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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In the wake of Neil and Buzz, here is the third astronaut on the Apollo 11 mission, USAF Lieutenant Colonel Michael Collins. He comes from a notable family; his father, uncle, brother and daughter all have articles too. There was some hope of getting it through FAC by the time of the Apollo 11 mission in July 1969, but that is fading now, as time is running short. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:57, 20 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lingzhi edit

  • Inconsistent use of Publisher Location (24 with; 6 without). These appear to be Collins, Michael (1994); Marill, Alvin H. (October 11, 2010); Barbree, Jay (July 8, 2014); Bilstein, Roger E. (1980); Collins, Michael (2001);Hansen, James (2005).
    checkY Added locations. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 05:53, 25 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Many otheer rrors identified by script(s) at User:Lingzhi/reviewsourcecheckLingzhi2 (talk) 14:32, 24 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by AustralianRupert edit

Support: G'day, Hawkeye and Kees, thanks for your efforts with this article. I have a few comments/suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 04:29, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • in the lead, (Major General, USAF, Retired): is it necessary to capitalise "retired" here?
    checkY What's the difference between that and "major general"? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    • No worries, works for me. (I've had push back when I suggest decaps for ranks, in the past for US bios, hence why I didn't raise it.) Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:17, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • the duplicate link checker tool identifies following terms as overlinked: World War II, major general, Apollo 9, Apollo 10, state dinner, Presidential Medal of Freedom, Smithsonian Institution, Collins (crater)
    checkY Going to keep the crater dup'ed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    No worries. AustralianRupert (talk) 10:17, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • awarded his wings on compilation of the course at Waco --> "awarded his wings on completion of the course at Waco"?
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • where a wait of several hours ensued, as the base's flight surgeon had joined search parties looking for Collins: is this detail really necessary?
    checkY Removed. The whole incident is important later, but the importance will not be immediately apparent. Hawkeye7 (discuss)
  • Collins met Patricia Mary Finnegan from Boston, Massachusetts, his future wife, in an officers' mess: is there any information about where this took place or when (year for instance).
    In the officers' mess? You seem to be under the misapprehension that Collins regarded meeting his future wife as a more important event than winning a silver cup for aircraft gunnery. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    I mean, the officers' mess at which base, if known. Was it Chaumont-Semoutiers, in France, in 1956? The wording currently doesn't seem clear, but maybe that's me. If not stated in the sources, no worries. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:17, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • which is very similar to an MTD, except the students travel to him: the tense here seems a little awkward
    checkY Past tense. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • With the help of his time as a member of an MTD... --> "His posting to an MTD allowed Collins to acumulate over 1,500 hours of flying..."?
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "huge arc" and "fighter ops" seem a bit informal to my ear, is there a way to reword?
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • of which 2,700 was in jet aircraft --> "were in" or "had been in"?
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • David Scott on Gemini 8,[40] and Charles Bassett was assigned to Gemini 9 --> probably can drop the first names here as these people have already been introduced earlier
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • same as above for commanded by Frank Borman
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • to fly on space --> "fly in space"?
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • at 0520 local time (and other examples) should have a colon per MOS:TIME
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • behind the Agena target vehicle: remove the link here as the Agena has already been linked in the previous paragraph
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The duo continued with more: suggest spliting this sentence, also there appears to be a word missing early in the sentence
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • kilometres --> "kilometers"
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • and William Anders was assigned: already linked and introduced as Bill Anders
    checkY Unlinked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • flights with a LM --> " flights with an LM"? (Is it pronounced "el-m" or "lem"? If the former, then it should use "an", if the latter then "a LM" should be fine)
    It's pronounced "lem", a hangover from when it was the LEM. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some's added a comment to this effect. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:38, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Commander (CDR) Frank Borman: I don't think the abbreviation "CDR" is necessary here, or elsewhere. The single word commander is fine
    checkY Okay. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Staff meetings were always held on Fridays: is the first part of this paragraph necessary? I'd suggest trimming it to simply state that after the Apollo 1 fire resulted in the deaths of Grissom, White and Chaffee, Collins has tasked with the duty of informing Martha Chafee of her husband's death.
    Meh. I think each astronaut was informed by one of his group. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • were somewhat forced: not sure about this wording, suggest probably just saying "were sent" or something similar
  • Collins would almost certainly been --> "Collins would almost certainly have been"?
    checkY Corrected.
  • realise --> "realize"?
    checkY Some else already picked up this one. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • the infobox mentions he ceased active duty in the military in 1970, but I couldn't find this in the body. Is it mentioned somewhere? I assume it coincided with him becoming Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs?
    Yes, that's right. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the citations, "New York Times" (citation 122) and "Boston Globe" (citation 125) should probably be in italics; I think it is also meant to be "The New York Times"
    checkY Yes. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the citations, "Military Times Hall Of Valor" --> "Military Times Hall of Valor"
    checkY Yes. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)*[reply]
  • the external link checker reports a couple of dead links: [1]. Are there any archive versions that can be linked
    checkY Repaired. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:45, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • there are no dab links (no action required)
  • the images lack alt text, which can be useful to some readers (suggestion only): [2]

Wehwalt edit

  • "in which he and Command Pilot John Young performed two rendezvous with different spacecraft " I had never thought about the plural of rendezvous. Maybe avoid the issue " ... Young rendezvoused with two different spacecraft"
    checkY My knowledge of foreign languages works against me again. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He unsuccessfully applied for the second astronaut group, but was accepted for the third group." I might cut the final word.
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1980, he took the job as vice president of LTV Aerospace." I might say "" rather than "the".
     Done I would normally use "became", but it is used a couple of times in the paragraph already. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He graduated on June 3, 1952, with a Bachelor of Science degree, finishing 185th out of 527 cadets in the class 1952, the same class as fellow astronaut Ed White.[3][11]" you probably want a "of" before the second use of "1952".
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Compared with the first two groups of astronauts, the third group of fourteen astronauts of which Collins was part were younger, with an average age of 31" group would take a singular verb, I suppose, so "were" should be "was" (also later in sentence) Speaking of sentences, this one could use some splitting, possibly even into three parts.
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Of the thirty astronauts selected in the first three groups, only Collins and his third group colleague William Anders were born outside the United States,[30][31] and Collins was the only one with an older brother; all the rest were the eldest or only sons in their families.[32]" Especially the first part, this seems trivial or possibly better in one of our articles as astronauts as a group.
    It will, but someone wrote a whole book on the advantage of being the oldest son in the family. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've heard, but we don't put it in articles about every eldest/only son.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:05, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The final sentence of the first paragraph of Crew Assignments makes him sound a little petty.
    checkY Tweaked the wording. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Under the system of crew assignment," maybe call it crew rotation, and mention it was done by Slayton?
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but stood up through the hatch with a device that resembled a sextant.[53]" you said that he erred with a sextant earlier, was this the same device?
    Good question. Kees08 may know. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:21, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    I started to check, but the page numbers in my book (published in 2001) did not seem to match the page numbers in the article. Do they match a different version that you might own? I was hesitant to 'fix' them if the year just needs changed instead of the page number. I will look into this still. Kees08 (Talk) 03:31, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    Reichl? I don't have that book. Adjust the references to match your copy. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 08:49, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    Sorry, I meant Collins book Carrying the Fire. You have the 1994 edition right? The page numbers do not match my 2001 edition. Kees08 (Talk) 16:23, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    No, I have the 2001 edition. The pages match exactly. But the stuff about the sextant is is Reichl. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 12 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    checkY I've corrected the reference page number. Let me know if there are any others that don't check out. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:41, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    @Wehwalt: I know you already supported, but I found the issue and corrected it. He was using an ultraviolet camera. Thanks for pointing it out. Kees08 (Talk) 01:54, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    @Hawkeye7: Sure, why don't I just ping everyone! I added a citation to On the Shoulders of Giants and I am not sure I did it right..is there a good way to use sfn and have a direct link to the page that is hosted on the internet? Kees08 (Talk) 02:09, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    @Kees08: Yes, {{sfn|Author|date|p=[http://url #]}} buidhe 19:43, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The policy became that the CMP would be the next most senior member of the crew, and that they would go on to command later Apollo flights.[62]" I don't know that the rotation was policy, Slayton didn't explain stuff much. The CMPs on Apollos 8, 9 and 10 did go on to command their own missions. Maybe instead of policy, practice? Or maybe just omit as you go through all of this at some length during the description of Collins's training for Apollo 11. It was certainly policy that the CMP was second-highest ranking, though.
     Done This senior astronaut as CMP held for Apollo 8 to 12, with the astronauts of the 1959, 1962 and 1963 classes. Those of the 1966 class specialised as CMP or LMP during their training, which determined their assignments. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " The astronauts' wives had accompanied them on the trip, and Collins and his wife Pat were compelled by NASA and their friends to travel to Metz where they had been married ten years before. There, they found a third wedding ceremony had been arranged for them (ten years previously they had already had civil and religious ceremonies).[64]" I don't quite understand this. Was this a renewal of vows or the space age equivalent of a shotgun wedding?
    Added that. It is normal to have two ceremonies in France, as that country has strict separation of Church and state. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:48, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " was designated commander of the cancelled Apollo 18 mission." was this ever made formal?
    Yes. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • ".[75][62][76]" just noting not in sequence.
    checkY Mumble mumble. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "An estimated one million spectators watched the launch of Apollo 11 from the highways and beaches vicinity of the launch site. " You probably need an "in the" before "vicinity".
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Launch Complex 39" Why not narrow it to 39A?
    checkY Sure. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "About 30 minutes later, the transposition, docking, and extraction maneuver was performed: this involved separating Columbia from the spent S-IVB stage, turning around, and docking with Eagle." I would mention this was done by Collins, as I think I asked on the 11 article.
    checkY Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I might mention what Collins was doing when Eagle landed, and when Armstrong stepped upon the Moon.
    checkY Added text from Apollo 11 article. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Though the chance of bringing back pathogens from the lunar surface was considered remote, it was still a possibility. " I might stress that that it wasn't possible, just considered one.
    checkY Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I might say when the quarantine ended. More about Collins as individual on the return to Earth/reception etc. if possible.
    I've greatly expanded the Post-NASA section. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and flown to the aircraft carrier USS Hornet,[92] where they spent the Earth-based portion of 21 days of quarantine.[93]" They spent the whole time in quarantine on the Hornet? That is the implication and of course we know they did not.
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He worked in that role until April 11, 1971.[103] Carol Laise replaced him in October 1973.[104][105]" Even for government, that's a long time between incumbents. Was Laise simply the next person to have a position called that? And that raises the question, was Collins's job really necessary?
    Yes, his was an important job. The job was vacant for a long time. I thought that was normal in the US. Hundreds of positions have been vacant for two years or more. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • While I find the information about the history of Air and Space interesting, is it really needed in the article on Collins?
    I'll trim it down, and see if I can dig up some more material on its construction. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    checkY Trimmed. Added a bit more about the construction. Somebody should write a book about this. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 03:20, 19 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You are not consistent in date formatting between MDY and DMY.
  • checkY Bot to the rescue. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Marco Island really isn't in the Everglades as implied.
    checkY Oh. That's the sort of thing I would never have picked up. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • As with Armstrong, I'm a bit grumpy about calling the awards and medals he collected along the way his legacy.
    checkY Renamed "honors and awards", which is the usual heading in military articles. I'd say his biggest legacy is the NASM. But it's closed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I haven't been in a few years, I regret, even though I live less than 20 miles away. No point in going right now as you note.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:03, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks good generally.--Wehwalt (talk) 16:12, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for taking the time to review. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:24, 10 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support I think it meets the FA criteria which I understand to be very similar to the A class ones. I realize there's one point unanswered but I don't want to hold things up.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:08, 11 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

  • As I recall seeing in one of the other articles you've done on astronauts, Nikki questioned the use of NASA logos and insignias, but I don't recall how this was settled - can you point me in the right direction?
    NASA logos, insignia and emblems are PD, but usage is restricted per U.S. law 14 CFR 1221 (link currently down due to US government shutdown). All I remember was a brief discussion at Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/John Glenn/archive1. Even when an image is PD, there can still be restrictions on use for endorsements etc Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:46, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    It was a lengthier thread in an A-class review, if I'm remembering correctly, but I have no idea which one (and I don't have the inclination to dig for it) - in any event, if it was fine with Nikki, then it's ok by me. Parsecboy (talk) 21:59, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    I am at work, but there are two relevant threads now. I will post them after work and do the edit to the image page, if necessary. Ping me in 24 hours if I forget. Kees08 (Talk) 23:44, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    My discussion with Nikkimaria has more background, in the John Glenn A-class review. As stated there, due to NASA astronaut crew patches are also permitted on merchandise but in some instances, NASA may recommend that the names of astronauts be removed from the patches to avoid rights of privacy and publicity. from their merchandising guidelines, we should have some sort of warning. While doing an image review Wehwalt rightfully pointed out on File:Apollo 15 (15012200679).jpg that personality rights was close but not exactly what we wanted. He made a warning that covers the patch case better. Ideally it should be made into a template and applied to all the patches, but for now I have been copy and pasting it onto Commons pages. I will apply that warning to the aforementioned patch. Let me know if you would like more information or if you think my rationale is off. Thanks! Kees08 (Talk) 03:30, 25 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • File:Gemini 10 prime crew (Young and Collins).jpg is there a source for this? Obviously this is a US government work, but I would suspect a source is still required
    Added a link to the source of File:Gemini 10 prime crew (Young and Collins).jpg which is with a collection of NASA Gemini 10 images at [3] Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:46, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Parsecboy (talk) 17:54, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Source review — pass edit

  • Is the author-link to George W. Cullum correct? It seems unlikely that a Civil War general would still be around to publish a book in 1960.
    I've been waiting for years for someone to ask that question. Yes, that it him. He wrote the first three volumes of the book, and then they continued publishing updates every decade. He is listed as the author in the sources, bibliographies and library catalogues, so we follow suit, as the idea is to allow readers to locate the books for themselves, and that is how they are filed. Volumes up to volume IX are PD and available online. After that, responsibility was handed over the West Point Alumni Association, and they become very rare. I have a copy of volume X. Up until 1977, each member of a West Point class was listed in order of merit, and had a what is called a Cullum number. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:43, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Formatting of sources is reasonably consistent.
  • All sources look reliable. Use of primary sources is not excessive and well within WP:PRIMARY.
  • The article seems comprehensive and I'm not seeing any major sources that were overlooked. buidhe 19:40, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the review. Much appreciated. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:43, 24 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments by JennyOz edit

placeholder, part way through, expect to finish tonight or tomorrow JennyOz (talk) 04:49, 25 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the gnome comments, suggestions:

  • but since World War II started soon after he was unable - why? the opportunity did not arise?
    I am sure it was due to war rations, but the source does not say it, so not sure I can put it in the article? Kees08 (Talk)
  • which also had the advantage - not clear
    Tried to make it more clear. Kees08 (Talk)
  • finishing 185th out of 527 cadets - is "out" needed?
    Removed Kees08 (Talk)
  • the same class as fellow astronaut Ed White - 'later' before fellow?
    I used future instead Kees08 (Talk)
  • decision to join the United States Air Force - add (USAF)
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Collin's decision - move apostrophe ie Collins'
    Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
  • accusations of nepotism - wlink nepostism
    Linked Kees08 (Talk)
  • his brother was already a colonel - refine wlink to Colonel (United States)
    checkY His brother's article got an astonishing 17,938 page views at DYK. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • San Marcos Air Force Base in Texas became Gary Air Force Base ie Camp Gary, better wlink ie rather than the regional airport?
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • day fighter training - hyphen and wlink Day fighter
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • were killed in accidents in the 22 weeks - swap second "in" to 'during'
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • learned ground attack and nuclear weapons delivery techniques in - has own article ie Nuclear weapons delivery
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • After Collins was reassigned to the United States - add year here because previous para reads as if kids were born o'seas but Kate's article says Boston.
    Have to look this up. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    Added Kees08 (Talk)
  • except that the students travelled to him - one L
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • He successfully applied and reported on August 29, 1960 - not on same day? 'His application was successful and he reported on..' or similar tweak
    checkY Tweaked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • They were trained to be military test pilots. Instruction started - maybe colon not new sentence
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collins used to smoke heavily - was a heavy smoker
    checkY Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in the right-hand seat of - any appropriate wlink copilot/something officer?
  • checkY Linked to Right seat (cockpit)
  • nicotine withdrawal - has own article, change wlink to nicotine withdrawal?
    checkY WHAAOE! Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:29, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The turning point for Collins in his decision to become an astronaut - had he been grappling with decision? if not, maybe 'the inspiration to become' or 'his decision to become an astronaut was inspired by...'
    checkY An inspiring change. He wouldn't have been eligible in 1959. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • He applied for the second group - swap "he" to Collins, (last subject was Glenn) and mention NASA?
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • To raise the numbers of Air Force pilots selected, the Air Force sent their best applicants to a "charm school". - "the Air Force" maybe 'they' to avoid rep? (where else were candidates from, Navy?) Was charm school to polish their interview techniques?
    Yes. It covered things like what suit to wear and what drink to order. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • he found out he had not been accepted - 'was notified' or did he find out some other way?
    Neither book specifies how he found out, so maybe leave as it is? Kees08 (Talk)
  • That year the USAF Experimental Flight Test Pilot School became the USAF Aerospace Research Pilot School (ARPS) - that page doesn't mention that new name
    Added a citation to the name change, unless you meant the other wikipage..? Kees08 (Talk)
    yeah whoops, that was a note I made on way through (and didn't mean to leave in my list) to look at that page later. But no problem. JennyOz (talk) 07:58, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Deke Slayton called and asked - explain Deke's role?
    checkY Deke decided when and if you would leave this world. In other words, he was God. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • interviews at the Manned Spacecraft Center - add (MSC) (because there is an MSC in a caption)
    checkY Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in that same caption "Lunar Receiving Laboratory" wlink
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Compared with the first two groups of astronauts, the third group of fourteen astronauts - use NASA Astronaut Group 3 rather than non-obvious link in prev para?
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • all the rest were the eldest or only sons in their families - explain relevance?
    These's been a lot of books and papers on the merits of being born first (eg [4]) and astronauts are often held up as an example. Collins is the most obvious exception. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • course of the basics of spaceflight - 'on' the basics to avoid 2x of?
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • eyes began to tear up - not emotional tears but eyes watering?
    checkY Changed to "water". (Asronauts don't have emotional tears.) Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • had been fed into the astronauts' space suit - suits
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collins thought it took much longer - just "thought" it did or 'found' it took
    checkY Changed to "found". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • micro-meteor v micrometeorite - and wlink one
    checkY Linked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • activated the retro rockets - wlink
    checkY Not to be confused with retro rock Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • extra-vehicular v extravehicular
    checkY De-hyphenated. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • on their 43rd revolution splashed down - 'and' splashed down?
     Done
  • Staff meetings were always held on Fridays - always is redundant?
    No, the staff meetings were. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • circum-lunar v circumlunar
    checkY Gone with "circumlunar" Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • it was not certain this would be the lunar landing crew, depending - it would depend on
    checkY Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collins's training was completely - remove 2nd s (all other possessives are Collins')
    Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
  • there were size measurements - "size" redundant?
    checkY Guess so. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • re-entering v reentry
  • checkY Removed hyphen. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • just to name a few - ?
    checkY DEleted. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Walter Weber - wlink Walter A. Weber
    checkY Linked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • in a National Geographic book - italics for NG or change link to National Geographic Society as publisher of the book?
    checkY The latter. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collins told Slayton he did not want to fly again if Apollo 11 was successful. Slayton offered to get him back into the crew sequence after the flight - ?
    checkY Moved the text around. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • July 16, 1969, at 13:32UTC - space before UTC
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • 9:32 EDT - 09
    checkY Added Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mission Control v mission control
    Picked the capitalized version to match the Apollo 11 article. Kees08 (Talk)
  • Lunar Module - v lunar module
    Made consistent per my edit summary Kees08 (Talk)
  • far side v dark side v back side
    checkY Should always be "far side". There is no dark side. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Washington, DC v Washington, D.C.
    checkY Settled on "D.C." The Smithsonian uses "DC" Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • caption "The Milestones of Flight entrance hall of the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, DC." - frag, no full stop?
    Since it ends in D.C. it now has to have a period Kees08 (Talk)
  • duration was 195:18:35 - add hrs etc?
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • On August 13 ... On the same evening ... This celebration was the beginning of a 38-day world tour" but then "the crew returned to the U.S. in November" which is much longer than 38 days?
    See Buzz Aldrin#World tour Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
    I clarified the start date of the tour Kees08 (Talk)
  • U.S. v US - check are intentional eg "returned to the U.S. in November," but "Under the US legislative system"
    Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • He worked in that role until April 11, 1971.[108] Carol Laise replaced him in October 1973. - 'looks' like an error, reword to something like the position remained vacant until Carol Laise... (or just remove mention of her?)
    There is no error; it is correct. Noted that the position was vacant. Someone went to the effort of finding this info, and I don't usually remove when two editors are in conflict. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • An exhibition of a moon rock - M
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Senator Barry Goldwater, a USAF general - former USAF general? (or they always called by rank even after retired?) and was USAFR not USAF?
    @Hawkeye7: This is the last point, and I do not know. Hawkeye? Kees08 (Talk) 03:39, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • First of all, yes, generals are still called "general" after they retire. It's one of the perks of the job. But Goldwater remained in the reserves after active service in CBI during WWII. He retired as a major general on 1 January 1969 (I had to look it up), so I have described him as a "retired USAF major general". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 07:03, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Colins lobbied hard - double L
    Woops. Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
  • aimed to harmonized the new museum - harmonize
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • were faced faced with Tennessee marble - remove faced
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Tennessee marble - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Ground was broken on the new museum - add site?
    Added Kees08 (Talk)
    Sorry Kees, I was suggesting "Ground was broken on the new museum site..." But no problem. JennyOz (talk) 07:58, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • oversee the creation the exhibits - of
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Center for Earth and Planetary Studies - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • National Aviation Hall of Fame - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • rest of the Apollo 11 crew, was awarded - he
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Vice President Spiro Agnew - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • Iven C. Kincheloe Award - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • President Bill Clinton - wlink
    Done Kees08 (Talk)
  • group Jethro Tull has a song - swap "has" for recorded or wrote
     Done Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • No Rain, No Rose - wlink
    checkY WHAAOE! Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collins's statement on the 40th - remove 2nd s
    Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
  • Collins, Michael (1994). Flying to the Moon: An Astronaut's Story. Sunburst - colon before publisher
    Removed it since it was a republish of the first edition (called an updated edition...but probably not much different) Kees08 (Talk)
  • moved on to the Apollo program.[44][41] - ref order
    Fixed Kees08 (Talk)

That's all folks. Another bites the dust, only he didn't. (I recorded a doco on Armstrong recently, yet to finish but found it very interesting that his brother asked him (before they launched) what was the one thing he was most unsure of and Neil said 'how deep is that dust'. JennyOz (talk) 08:57, 28 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Before launch, the astronauts wrote letters to their wives and children to be given to them if they did not return. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Mike is still alive, and looking forward to celbrating the 50th anniversary with Buzz. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 07:04, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz: I believe we are ready for you to see if we satisfied all your requests. Thanks for taking the time to thoroughly review! Kees08 (Talk) 07:07, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Hawkeye and Kees. That was great watching you both so ably dealing with my comments today. Thanks especially for the explanations (and giggles). I've added 2 tiny replies above but neither are a concern so am also signing my support. Great job! JennyOz (talk) 07:58, 29 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I am convinced Hawkeye never sleeps, so I have to act fast if I want to respond to any comments :). Thanks for the review (and all the others) and replies! Kees08 (Talk) 02:54, 31 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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