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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/David M. Shoup

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

David M. Shoup

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Nominator(s): —Ed!(talk)


The latest in my series on generals. I'll take to FAC when I get the time. —Ed!(talk) 02:04, 4 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • In the Tarawa section: "That night, Shoup was relieved by Colonel Merritt A. Edson, the division's chief of staff. He continued to command the 2nd Marines throughout the campaign." By he I assume you mean Edson? Edson can't continue if he just started. Maybe reword.
  • In the CMC section "While still a Major General, Shoup was unexpectedly named Commandant of the Marine Corps by President Dwight D. Eisenhower, at the behest of Secretary of Defense Thomas S. Gates, Jr.. On November 2, 1959, he was promoted to lieutenant general and assigned duties as Chief of Staff, HQMC. He was then quickly elevated to general on 1 January 1960, upon assuming the post as the 22nd Commandant of the Marine Corps." I don't think I understand what happened here. Shoup was a two-star and became CMC, only to later be promoted and become Chief of Staff, to be promoted again to become CMC again?
  • The CMC section (unlike the rest of the article) is not strictly chronological. I would recommend moving at least a few of the first sentences about the Kennedy Administration further down, so there's logical flow. You introduce Shoup's relationship with JFK only to jump backwards to address why Shoup was chosen to replace former CMC Pate.
    • I've tried to reword to make more clear. Let me know what you think. —Ed!(talk) 01:57, 7 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are a handful of spelling errors and some instances of poor capitalization; I'd recommend a good copyedit on this article.

Chris Troutman (talk) 15:15, 6 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

    • Done some copy editing. Let me know what you think. —Ed!(talk) 01:57, 7 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • I made a few other minor changes. I think you're good to hoof. Chris Troutman (talk) 03:11, 7 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Just a few comments, not a complete review:

  • "This criticism escalated after he retired from the military in 1963. He escalated his criticism ... Shoup's high-profile criticisms ... Historians consider Shoup's criticisms to be ... high-profile": repetition
  • "Battle Ground, Indiana. The family lived on a farm in Ash Grove, Indiana, but moved to Covington, Indiana": repetition of "Indiana". One fix: "The family lived on a farm in nearby Ash Grove, but moved to Covington"
  • "Shoup was very sociable": I don't know what that means.
  • "claiming to have instantly been attracted to her": The word "claiming" casts doubt.
  • "Despite their competitive natures, the two dated": I don't know what that means. - Dank (push to talk) 00:36, 15 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support

  • Rather than put up a long list of corrections, I've copy-edited the whole article. Revert anything you don't like.
  • I would, however, like to point out that June is not summer in the South Pacific. It's bloody cold here.

Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:56, 15 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thanks for looking it over. I didn't spot any references to weather-specific times of the year in the article. Did I miss something? —Ed!(talk) 13:31, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      I corrected it. But it originally said: "then attached to the 43rd Infantry Division on Rendova Island in the summer of 1943. During the latter assignment, Shoup was wounded in action and evacuated." The event took place in June 1943, which is not summer. Hawkeye7 (talk) 09:40, 23 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support

  • I did the GA review and am satisfied the article meets the A-Class criteria. ★★RetroLord★★ 17:58, 3 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

CommentsSupport by Peacemaker67 (send... over) 05:01, 20 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "against what (was) perceived as politicking among its officers"?
  • Shoup opposed (the) military escalation (of) events"?
  • "and later said he washad been instantly been attracted to her"?
  • "He felt the use of troops for economic or imperialist consideration(s) werewas wrong"?
  • suggest you need to explain what Scabbard and Blade is for non-US readers
  • suggest "which would later be useful later in the war"?
  • "which Shoup though(t) was unfair"?
  • "not worth the life ofor limb of a single American"?
  • "Shoup argued was that (among) the Vietnamese forces"?
  • "the U.S. increased its air waroperations"?
  • "highly publicized (through) discourse"?
  • not sure Anti-war should be capitalised
  • suggest you need to explain what the "Veterans of Foreign Wars" and "Vietnam Veterans Against the War" are/were
  • File:Col. David M. Shoup.jpg needs to be categorised
  • alt text is needed for several images [1]
  • all other tools are green
  • suggest some prose polishing will be necessary for FA
  • a couple of formatting issues with the gong table at the bottom, it seems to me that the top row left and right (MoH and LoM) should be centred in their boxes to be consistent with the rest of the table.
  • the date in the preamble to the MoH citation is weird, "from 20 to November 22, 1943" should that be "November 20 to 22, 1943"?
I've made all of the above fixes. Thanks for your review! —Ed!(talk) 17:06, 21 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
No prob. Supporting.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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