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York Park edit

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Article on a sports ground in Launceston, Tasmania. Close to FA standard and will be again be looking for FAC after review.

Thanks, Aaroncrick (talk) 22:21, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I've made a start, and am leaving some comments on the lead section. The rest will follow in a day or so, but these initial points can be addressed meantime.

  • Lead
    • Is "Launceston, Australia" the normal designation? I think the non-Australian world need to know that Launceston is in Tasmania.
    • Sentence needs reforming: "It has been known as Aurora Stadium under a six-year naming rights agreement with Aurora Energy since 2004." Suggest: "Under a six-year naming rights agreement with Aurora Energy, since 2004 it has been known as Aurora Stadium."
      • Tweaked to: "Holding 20,000 people—the most of any stadia in Tasmania—York Park has been known as Aurora Stadium under a six-year naming rights agreement with Aurora Energy signed in 2004."
    • "In the early years, it was exclusively used for North Launceston and state football games." Needs rewording for clarity; suggest: "In the early years the venue was used exclusively for Australian rules football, by the North Launceston club and for inter-state games."
    • The next sentence should begin "Other sports..." We know that Rules football was established there
    • The form "2–5 AFL" looks confusing. Low numbers need to be written out, thus "between two and five"
    • "from 2003 to 2006" should be "between 2003 and 2006"
    • "...under which four home and away season games and one National Australia Bank Cup pre-season match will be played at the venue each year." Played by what team or teams? How can a team play home and away games at the same ground?
      • Changed to "regular season". In other words non finals matches. Confusing for non AFL fans. Aaroncrick (talk) Review me! 08:58, 3 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Back soon. Brianboulton (talk) 00:13, 3 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot. Aaroncrick (talk) Review me! 03:40, 3 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
OK, here's the rest
  • History
    • "in "full [...] praise" is an awkward formation. Such an everyday phrase doesn't warrant a quotation; why not just say "full of praise"?
    • "At a council meeting in July 1901, Alderman Storrer..." etc. This alderman is not well known, so introduce him thus; "At a council meeting in July 1901 one member, Alderman Storrer,..." etc. Likewise, later, "although another member, Alderman Sadler,..." etc
    • There needs to be clarification about what is meant by "football" in this section. For example, you mention the start of the 1923 football season - is this Rules, soccer or what? What code does the NTFA represent?
    • Can you give an approximate present-day value, in Australian dollars, of the £20 prize?
    • There seems to be information missing between paragraphs two and three. Having been told that there was a competition, we should be told who won it. There is also information missing about how much the facility cost, and who supplied the finance.
    • Clarify that the opening on 1 January 1921 was before the facility had been completed. Had any of it been built at that time?
    • Who was John Orchard? Needs some description
    • "The Launceston Football Club won six consecutive premierships in the 1930s before World War II intervened. Matches were canceled in 1941, not to resume until the 1945 season, which began with two minutes of silence in memory of the 12 NTFA footballers who lost their lives during the war." How relevant is this information to this particular article, which is about a sports ground, not a sports team?
    • Time jump from 1945 to 1960. Did nothing of relevance occur during that period?
      • Nothing I can source
    • You need to clarify that the $6.4 million, and other dollar values in the section, are Australian dollars.
      • Previously removed as a previous figure in the article mentioned it was in Australian Dollars. Aaroncrick (talk) Review me! 10:44, 4 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...$2 million to erect a roof above 6,000 seats" - which 6,000 seats?
    • Say what Jim Bacon was premier of, don't require your readers to use the link.
    • "The insurance payout from the fire will determine whether the venue is expanded." A very curious sentence. Insurance payouts normally cover the cost of restoration; they don't finance expansion. Any explanation?
  • Australian football
    • "the North Launceston"? Should this be "the North Launceston club"?
    • "The stadium's sirens have since been replaced, and the ones will be put on display..." Amplify "the ones"
    • "began to make"? Surely you mean "made"?
  • Other uses: no comments
  • Structure and facilities
    • "several different stands" - why not give the number? From the diagram the number appears to be two (which is not several), unless the terraces count as stands.
    • "Next to Aurora Function Centre is the heritage listed Northern Stand, which connects the Northern, Southern and Eastern Terraces." The diagram shows the Northern Stand unconnected to any of the Terraces. It is separated from the Northern Terrace by a "Corporate Courtyard", and is nowhere near the other Terraces.
    • Second paragraph: You need to clarify that the information in this paragraph relates specifically to the ground's use for Rules football. I am not sure that all of this information is relevant to the "structure and facilities" aspects of the article.
  • References
    • Note says: "References using The Examiner may require registration for access." "Registration" should be "subscription", since you have to pay to register.
      • Done
    • Examiner references 56 and 57 are formatted differently from the others (no link to the archive).

I hope these comments are helpful. I am not watching my peer reviews at the moment, so if you have any queries or wish to comment on any aspect of the review, please contact me via my talkpage. Best of luck, Brianboulton (talk) 19:17, 3 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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