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Wikipedia:Peer review/Wrestle Kingdom 9/archive1

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Wrestle Kingdom 9 edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I, along with Ribbon Salminen, would like to gather comments from the community before nominating this Good Article as a Featured Article Candidate. Additionally, if you peer review this, I'd be willing to peer review or offer comments on one article of your choice, though likely from a non-expert viewpoint.

Thanks and have a nice day, starship.paint ~ KO 07:41, 7 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • References need to be consistent. There is a mix of Pro Wrestling Insider, PWInsider.com, and pwinsider.com; of PWTorch.com and Pro Wrestling Torch; and of wrestleview.com and Wrestleview.
  • The images need alternative text.
  • The caption for the Bullet Club image is confusing.
  • Copyediting for clarity and grammar would help. I looked through a few paragraphs and noticed a few things:
    • "would be the first GFW event" -> "was the first GFW event"
    • "This would mark Ross' first professional" -> "This marked"; proper English would also put an "s" after the apostrophe, since "Ross" is a singular noun, but Wikipedia doesn't always follow proper English
    • "The match at Wrestle Kingdom 9 would mark the seventh match" -> "marked"
    • "Commentator Jim Ross would later reveal" -> "later revealed"
    • "where-upon Naito tried for a top-rope huracanrana" - the word itself is a bit archaic, but "whereupon" shouldn't be hypenated
    • "Following was a bout" - this is awkward; "The following bout", maybe?
    • "to spray Taguchi in the eyes with an aerosol can on one occasion" - no need for "on one occasion"
    • "was between the Bullet Club's Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows against challengers, Meiyu Tag" - the combination of "between" and "against" doesn't work, and the comma after "challengers" is unnecessary
    • "Shibata kicked Anderson off the ring apron, Meiyu Tag combined for a double-team GTS on Gallows, followed by Shibata hitting the Penalty Kick on Gallows for the pinfall and the tag titles." - "followed by" doesn't seem to work in this list
    • "and only a month later the team" - "only" seems POV
    • "Ibushi earned the right to challenge for the championship of his choosing, but instead of a rematch with Nakamura for the IWGP Intercontinental Championship, he chose to challenge A.J. Styles for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship,[60] leaving Goto to challenge Nakamura." - is there a way to avoid saying "challenge" three times in one sentence?

These are a few examples, but a more thorough copyedit should take place before nomination. GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:41, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the notes. I've corrected the references, simplified the Bullet Club caption and fixed some of the copyedit issues mentioned. リボン・サルミネン (Ribbon Salminen) (LOLTNA) 16:36, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Freikorp

  • I know its a self-serving statement, but as per WP:CLAIM consider if the word claimed is appropriate in the sentence "claimed an outreach of 125 million homes via pay-per-view
  • "the villainous Bullet Club stable (group)", I don't see much purpose of the clarification '(group)' here, since stable is wikilinked, but not a huge deal, same story with "angle (storyline)" in the aftermath section, in fact this one is even less necessary in my opinion as I didn't even have to click on the link to figure out what it meant
  • In the 'Preliminary matches' section Tencozy are clarified to be (Hiroyoshi Tenzan and Satoshi Kojima), however they are already clarified as such in the 'storylines' section
  • Wikilniked more than once: Katsuyori Shibata, Taichi Ishikari, January 4 Dome Show (originally piped to 'Wrestle Kingdom'), also the moves 'Diving knee drop' and 'Asian Mist'
  • Is it customary to give star ratings as actual stars as opposed to numbers? i.e "*****". I've never seen this before that's all, looks a bit odd if you ask me, but if it's standard procedure for Wrestling articles no worries.
  • Some prominent professional wrestling critics use actual stars. It's an industry thing. starship.paint ~ KO 12:02, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • "simple and didn’t require anyone" - avoid contractions such as didn't unless it is a direct quote

That's all I found. :) Freikorp (talk) 10:21, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Great work on the article. I'm sure this will do well at FAC. :) Freikorp (talk) 12:15, 10 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from MPJ-DK

I am not one to comment on grammar since that is my weakest point, but I am looking at some of the other stuff that goes into FA/FLs etc. I noticed that two of the references requires some sort of registration to access it - is it possible to find a version that anyone can access and read? It is not a hard requirement but I think it would be good if you could find an alternative link? Specifically the Observer Dec 8 and Dec 22 references.  MPJ -US  13:20, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • I removed the url links since those seem to throw people off. Citing a journal, like citing a book is a perfectly acceptable citing method that tons of FAs use. Unfortunaly the Wrestling Observer Newsletter is not free and this info doesn't seem to have been re-reported by any free reliable sites. リボン・サルミネン (Ribbon Salminen) (LOLTNA) 13:47, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Reading over this again I did notice that while there are a total of 11 matches the storyline section only includes five of them? it could be six and my count is off but if it's five that's only half of the televised show, perhaps that's one area that could be expanded? I am really finding very little else to even suggest here to me it's a very good article. Oh and second note - it has a very short lead, yes it's three paragraphs but it just seems pretty short compared to the article length. Both of my comments are more suggestions than anything, I don't know if either of them would stand in the way of being a Featured Article.  MPJ -Fiesta Triplemania  03:24, 13 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • @MPJ-DK: Ribbon wrote a lot more for Storylines but I deleted it. Read it here. I was afraid that the section was getting too long, and there are so many matches on this show. I was taught by WillC (Wrestlinglover) that not all storylines need to be covered, see WillC's FAs of Lockdown (2008) and Turning Point (2008 wrestling) don't mention every storyline. Another point is that the stuff I deleted ... New Japan doesn't always have feuds like WWE for title matches, several were random challenges. starship.paint ~ KO 03:38, 13 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I thought the jr tag background was pretty interesting especially due to how far back it went, for the other background being trimmed I don't think it really detracts from the article they were fairly generic "I challenge you, I get match" type of thing. And yes the WWE would NEEEEVER, EEEEEEVER, throw a random title match on a PPV ;-).  MPJ -Fiesta Triplemania  03:46, 13 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • @MPJ-DK: - I expanded the lede a bit more. Unlike Lockdown (2008), I am unable to provide numerical score reviews of the event. The lede is now at 1156 characters. I thought it would be good to fit within the 1200 character blurb guideline of WP:FAC. I restored the storylines, with some trimming. starship.paint ~ KO 04:36, 13 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from James26

@Starship.paint -- "Wrestle Kingdom has been described as 'New Japan's major annual show' and 'equivalent' to WWE's WrestleMania. The annual event was promoted as the 'largest wrestling show in the world outside of the United States', with Wrestle Kingdom 9 being the 24th in the series."

I was confused as to how #9 could be "24th in the series." Instead of saying "Wrestle Kingdom," I'd start this sentence with "The January 4 Dome Show," and include a brief explanation about the various events. Also, why is the word was used instead of is? Is #9 the final edition?

". . .different wrestlers from pre-existing scripted feuds, plots, and storylines."

I'd just go with "feuds." We don't need three words that basically describe the same thing. -- James26 (talk) 22:39, 16 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • I removed plots, I agree that it is redundant. But feuds and storylines aren't the same - feuds refer to rivalries. There can be thrown-together matches without rivalries - Makabe vs Ishii is an example. starship.paint ~ KO 02:22, 17 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
On a side note, this is a nice article that got me interested in the event. :) -- James26 (talk) 22:59, 16 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Wrestlinglover

  • I'm impressed paint, it is nice to see a Japan show being taken somewhere. In recent years the WWE stuff has been getting less and less expansion and I've liked this. That expansion has gone to TNA, ROH, NJPW, etc articles. I'm going to give some comments. Nothing too in depth but just some questions really. I'd like to go indepth but I'll probably do that for the FA review.
      • Personally, I expand shows I like. And WWE (discounting NXT) largely sucks. starship.paint ~ KO 13:27, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Why is the storyline section so large? Really some of that could be cut. Also, why is it out of order? I'd start with the main event and work down.
    • The NEVER Title and the Junior Heavyweight background can be removed. If all that occurred was a challenge then it is more trivia with the event section covering all important things.
    • Start the background with the IWGP Heavyweight, then the Intercontinental, the Styles/Natio stuff, the Bullet Club stuff, etc. Overall, the opening match stuff should end the section.
    • Stable may be jargon but will do on its own without the group thing, or you can just shorthand it and remove "stable."
    • Consider adding a Miscellaneous like in Bound for Glory (2005) (probably my best work considering I took extra care on it since it is TNA's main show). You could put all the information regarding commentary in there along with anyone else who showed up on the show that didn't do anything but be there. Other random stuff as well like referees, etc.
      • Unlike WWE's WrestleMania or AAA's TripleMania, there's nothing going on except matches. No backstage stuff, no Hall of Fame. The wrestling websites don't mention the ring announcers, referees. A Miscellaneous section would be tiny. starship.paint ~ KO 13:18, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Add the match times to the event section. Kind of an important note, how long the match actually lasted.
    • I'd just write out the star ratings instead of placing stars. Looks kind of odd with stars.
    • Tables are an exception to overlinking. Make sure everything is linked in the Results section.
    • A see also section would be nice with a link to the annual dome show main article, the portal, and other things that relate.
    • External link section for the NJPW template and the NJPW web site. Probably can find the In Demand show link to place there as well.
      • I think Ribbon also settled this. I can't find anything on indemand.com - starship.paint ~ KO 13:23, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Not sure why Jason Powell's opinion and why Pro Wrestling Dot Net is relevant. The others I can see. Magazines and important wrestling sites, journals, etc. Notability established in the name. This though just seems like Johnny down the street with a blog.
    • References will be an issue at FAC. I don't see prowrestling.net or Pro Wrestling Insider passing the test. WrestleView you can get by with. I've created a good enough argument most just let it go anymore. WrestleView is still iffy though.
Overall you are on the right track it seems. Only time will tell. I support you in trying to raise this article to something. I've always wanted someone to do something with the Dome Shows. I don't watch enough NJPW or keep track of it consistently to do anything with Japan.--WillC 08:36, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Wrestlinglover: - sorry about the delay, we've now addressed your comments. starship.paint ~ KO 01:28, 12 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oh it is fine. You didn't have to address them if you were busy. I was just helping out.--WillC 02:02, 12 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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