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Wikipedia:Peer review/Pathlight School/archive1

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Pathlight School edit

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Fellow Wikipedians, I humbly present for peer review, this article about a Singaporean special school for autistic children! The goal is to make this Wikipedia's first special-education-related GA. Please support the quest to counter systemic bias on Wikipedia by pointing out any and all issues that prevent the article from meeting the GA criteria. I hope you enjoy reviewing this short, but interesting, article as much as I enjoyed writing it (despite the scarcity of referenced information on Singaporean topics)! J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 03:31, 29 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Review from Cunard

Lead

  • With more than 500 pupils enrolled, Pathlight School provides one half of Singapore's educational provision for autistic children with the other half provided by Eden School, which offers vocational training for the lower-functioning, and is noted for its achievements in special education in Singapore. – this sentence is a bit on the long side. The part about Eden School probably doesn't belong in the lead since an article's lead should serve as a "summary of its most important aspects". I recommend that you move the relative clause to the body of the article.
  • The lead should probably be longer. A good rule of thumb is that it should touch upon the major point(s) in every section of the article.
Partially done, clarification needed I have removed mention of Eden School from the lead section and restructure the sentences. If the lead section is too short, what information should be added? --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The lead should adequately summarize the article. If you included the most pertinent points from each section, then nothing more needs to be added. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I feel that the lead section is currently complete and am marking this done, but would nevertheless prefer a second opinion. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Okay. Because the article is short, the lead is probably okay at four sentences. If you'd like more suggestions about this article, I suggest you ask Jappalang (talk · contribs) who is more experienced than I and can give you more feedback about the article. Cunard (talk) 16:05, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

History

  • The ARC collaborated with the Rainbow Centre over a period of five months, with the help of volunteers, to renovate the temporary campus, recruit school staff, decide on the school values and develop the school programmes.
    1. Perhaps "with the help of volunteers" could be moved to the beginning of the article? It sounds smoother that way.
    2. the link to campus is overlinking.
Done Link removed. The mention of volunteers was also removed. Before the copyedit, the sentence was "Under the direction of a team of key staff and volunteers, the ARC..." but in the current sentence, the mention of volunteers adds nothing. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Campus

  • cost S$34 million to build
Not done Firstly, the conversion template does not support currencies. Secondly, inflation and changes in exchange rates over time would render such a conversion useless. Thirdly, which "more familiar currency" would be used and would this exacerbate systemic bias? --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You can use the euro, for example, and/or the US dollar. I don't think this would exacerbate systemic bias. Because people are more familiar with the euro and the dollar, they would be able to comprehend more easily the costs of building the school. Instead of exacerbating systemic bias, a conversion would counteract it by making the article accessible to more readers. You could find the conversion using a website like http://coinmill.com/SGD_USD.html. It would demonstrate the conversion at the time the school was built, so inflation and changes in exchange rates do not matter. It is your decision, though, so feel free not to include it if you disagree. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I disagree, so marking not done. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Will consider My concerns regarding currencies do not apply here, but I must figure out how to use the template. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I've included the conversion template in the article. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Marking already done then. Thanks! --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Its facilities include 45 classrooms, 4 computer labs, 3 courtyards – per WP:MOSNUM, numbers from one to nine should be spelled out.
Done Numbers spelled out. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • while the taps in the canteen are slightly different from each other, to help students learn to adopt less rigid routines – I don't think the comma after "other" is needed.
Done Comma removed. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Programmes

  • Unlike most special schools in Singapore, which place little emphasis on academics, Pathlight School uses the same academic curriculum as mainstream primary and secondary schools, except that mother tongue lessons are replaced with classes covering social and life skills.
    • This sentence is a bit too long. Perhaps you can break into two?
Done Split the sentence into two. The sentences certainly could be further improved. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I've copyedited it a little. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Students

  • caters to autistic Singaporeans aged 6 to 18 – per WP:MOSNUM, this should be "... aged six to 18".
"Done Numbers spelled out. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Management

"See my reply above. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • Newspapers and journals should be italicized.
Done Tedious but thankfully not time-consuming. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • While not necessary, would you include internal links for each of the notable publications?
Done Look at the alliteration above. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
What wonderful work! Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Instead of placing commas after the title, periods should be used.
Clarification needed Which part of the style guidelines says that? I was taught differently, but I may have misunderstood or things may have changed. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The style guideline at Wikipedia:Citing sources and the example at Wikipedia:Citing sources/example style doesn't explicitly recommend commas. However, the given examples all contain periods which is why I am under the impression that periods should be used. If you would like to use commas instead, feel free to use them. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Marking not done then. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • When including authors' names, the format should be "Last Name, First Name", instead of "First Name, Last Name".
Clarification needed Chinese and Malay names are quite different from Western names. In Chinese names, the surname comes first, while Malay names use patronymics instead of surnames and calling a Malay by their patronymic would be inappropriate. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I looked at featured article Kampung Boy (TV series)#Bibliography and see some references formatted in the same style, so I think you're correct. I've asked Jappalang (talk · contribs), the writer, to shed some light on this. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
J.L.W.S. is correct that Chinese and Malay names would be handled differently (it is the case among modern scholarly text as well). In this case, however, I note that the use of a single "author" field for the Western-style names instead of two fields ("last" and "first") could be bringing up this confusion. In my article, I use the two-field ("first" and "last") reference for Western-style names and the single "author" field for Malay names. That could work for this article, although another editor asked for a inline comment ("<!--This is an ethnic Malay author; Malay second names are patronyms, and Malays are usually referred by their first name.-->") to help clarify the issue to new editors. Jappalang (talk) 01:09, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are there any Malay or Tamil language sources that can be used? A review of the references section indicates that most—if not all—of the sources are English-language ones. Have any Malay or Tamil newspapers written about Pathlight School?
Clarification As far as I can tell, sources in languages other than English are not prohibited, but are nevertheless discouraged. Since there is sufficient information available in English-language sources, I have not used any of the Chinese-language sources that I found. My command of the Malay language is decent but not sufficient to read newspaper articles, while I am not aware of any articles about Pathlight School in Tamil Murasu, the only Tamil-language newspaper in Singapore. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Per WP:NOENG, English-language sources are preferred; however, I believe this is mostly for articles on general topics such as wind, science, and bird. When the articles are about non-general, non-English topics, non-English sources are acceptable and sometimes expected. Such sources may add new perspectives about the subject—unique from English ones. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Marking not done since I did not find any unique perspectives or significant information from the several Chinese-language newspaper articles that I read. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for writing this enjoyable read and for your hard work in combating systemic bias. Cunard (talk) 00:14, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review! Writing this article was a pleasure and I am glad that you found it an "enjoyable read". Perhaps you could help combat systemic bias too, by writing a GA about an underrepresented topic or location! --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 12:36, 1 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I might write such an article one day if I find a topic that deeply interest me. But I have to finish working on several literature articles, many of which are in poor condition. Cunard (talk) 00:25, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I would like to add on something about references from a quick glance through. The newspaper articles should note the journalist (or the news agency if the news was supplied by them). Page numbers should be supplied if these are print sources as well. Since Channel NewsAsia is primarily a television news program, was "$335,000 raised for Pathlight School" read on the news channel or is it an article on their website (if the latter, the link should be supplied). Using Dr Ng Eng Hen's speech as a source runs into problems with Wikipedia:Verifiability (i.e. how would one be able to verify his speech content?). A secondary source (or a transcript of his speech on his or the school site) should be supplied. Jappalang (talk) 01:09, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done Added journalist names and links, where available. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 13:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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