Wikipedia:Peer review/Matthias Corvinus/archive1

Matthias Corvinus edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has just gone through a major restructuring and expansion and it clearly needs some improvement before GAN.

Thanks, Borsoka (talk) 13:16, 23 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Copyediting comments. - Dank (push to talk)

"He began reigning under his uncle's guardianship, but he took the reins": reigning -> his rule
"Matthias strengthened his rule after a 5-year-long period of struggle.": I'd delete this topic sentence, since I didn't know what "strengthened his rule" meant until I read the paragraph.
"In order to increase royal revenues, Matthias introduced new taxes and regularly collected extraordinary taxes.": Delete "In order to increase royal revenues"; that's implied.
"Matthias overcome their rebellion": ... overcame ...
"an important Ottoman border fort on in 1476.": ... fort, in 1476.
"one of the largest collection": ... collections
"the first country which adopted": the first country to adopt
"the monarch wandering among his subjects": the monarch who wandered among his subjects
I got down to the end of the lead. The prose is engaging. - Dank (push to talk) 01:38, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Dank}, thank you for your time and comments. I modified the lead. Borsoka (talk) 02:34, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]