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Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Miss Earth titleholders/archive2

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List of Miss Earth titleholders

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I've listed this article for peer review because there has never been a beauty pageant-related featured list. I chose the Miss Earth titleholder list since it is shorter than other pageant list, hence more manageable for the moment, as well as the fact that the pageant is relatively young (only started in 2001), hence, plenty of source materials unlike other pageants.

Thanks, Joey80 (talk) 10:39, 10 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FLC.

  • The unofficial rule at FLC is that a FL should have a minimum of about 10 items, so it might be better if this waited until the new Miss Earth is chosen in Novemeber. It is not a set rule though, so 9 might be OK.
  • I think specifics are better than vague general statements, so things like The event, which started in 2001, has been attracting delegates from more than 80 countries in the most recent editions. would read better as something like The event, which started in 2001, attracted delegates from 85 countries in 2008. or perhaps The event, which started in 2001, has attracted delegates from at least 80 countries in each year since 2005.
  • To improve article flow, try to avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs by combining them with others. For example could the one sentence paragraph As part of the pageant's rules, in the case that the titleholder can no longer fulfill her duties and obligations as Miss Earth, the first runner-up, awarded the title of Miss Air, shall take over the title.[4] be combined with the info on the "dethronement"?
  • I would also give a sentence on the "dethronement" (is that really the proper word?) why did she lose the title? - see WP:PCR
    • As in the case of any other official "dethronement" in the beauty pageant world, the official reason is stated only as "not being able to fulfill her duties", which is definitely vague. Unless one wants to quote from gossip and blog pageas, which is highly discouraged in wikipedia, then the news on "dethronement" is a dead end. Joey80 (talk) 04:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Prose needs some work to be cleaned up before FLC Similar to major pageants like the Miss Universe, delegates, with minimum age of 18 and maximum age of 26 at the time of the pageant,[2] compete in three rounds of competition: swimsuit, evening gown and question and answer, which takes into account the platform of organization and hence, gleans on environmental issues. This sentence is too complicated and should probably be split into two. Teh sentence has several issues, but I will give one - I have no idea what ..gleans on environmental issues. means or is supposed to mean.
  • Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase
  • The references need to be more consistent. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
    •   Done, that's the most consistent it can get, I just squeezed out all the info on author and dates as well. For those without such info, they have definitely not been provided. Joey80 (talk) 04:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I also wonder if some of the references used meet WP:RS - to pick one, is The Insider a RS?
    • The info on the winners and pageant editions come more from news and magazine sources, so definitely no secondary sources in terms of needing in depth research and investigations. Joey80 (talk) 04:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also is there a chance more independent third-party sources could be used here (many of the sources are from the Miss Earth websites)
    • Unfortunately, it is so difficult to find a third-party/secondary source, unless you're speaking of pages that happen to have cut and pasted the wikipedia article on some other url. Joey80 (talk) 04:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:08, 21 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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