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Wikipedia:Peer review/Lincolnshire, Illinois/archive2

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Lincolnshire, Illinois edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am aiming to get Lincolnshire, Illinois to featured article status, and have already nominated for WikiProject Chicago A-class review; I'd like as much feedback as I can get, so I can save the FAC reviewers some trouble.

Thanks, Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 04:01, 2 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch's Review edit

Ruhrfisch comments: As requested, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FAC. While it has improved, it still needs some work before FAC I think.

  • The most difficult criteria for most articles to reach for FA is that it is written at a professional level of English. I do not think this is there yet. A few examples:
    • Lincolnshire is an affluent American village in Vernon Township, a southern Lake County, Illinois locale, and is a suburb of Chicago, which is located in Cook County just to the south. could be something like Lincolnshire is an affluent village in Vernon Township in southern Lake County, in the U.S. state of Illinois. It is a suburb of Chicago, which is in Cook County to the south ... Done --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:09, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Midwest village is a suburb of the city of Chicago, being situated in the southern reaches of Lake County, and therefore located in the extreme northeast of the state of Illinois. could be something like The village is a suburb of Chicago in the southern reaches of Lake County, which is in the extreme northeast of Illinois in the American Midwest. Done --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:09, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Art Festival permits local artists to display their work to the rest of the village and other visitors. could be something like Artists display their work to locals and visitors at the Art Festival. All Examples (And a little bit more) have been dealt with --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:09, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Illinois Route 22 within Lincolnshire borders on a sunny afternoon. (caption) - I am not sure what this means, frankly Fixed (Lol) --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 23:59, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • You can ask for a copy edit from one of the editors listed in the last section of WP:PRV
  • According to the United States Census Bureau, the village has a total area of 4.4 square miles (11.5 km²), of which, 4.4 square miles (11.4 km²) of it is land and 0.04 square miles (0.1 km²) of it (0.68%) is water. this needs a ref, also is a one sentence paragraph, as is the one before it. Short paragraphs (1 or 2 sentences) should be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve the flow of the article.
    • Question I think I've fixed it. However, the coordinate sentence, in my honest opinion, cannot really be incorporated effectively into the rest of the section. What's your opinion? --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:10, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I would look at some model articles - Youngstown, Ohio is an FA, for example. I thought the coordinate sentence could be the first sentence of the first paragraph (combine it with the current second paragraph). If this follows the Youngstown model, that would also address Tony's comment below. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:05, 12 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The infobox picture is very similar to the image later Image:Lincolnshire IL Village Hall 2.JPG - I would avoid two very similar pics.
    • Should I just place the pic located in the infobox down there, instead? There's got to be a better way to solve the problem. --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 23:59, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I would put the picture you think best illustrates the village in the infobox, and perhaps a picture of the fire department or some other service in the spot where the second city hall pic is now. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:35, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid words like currently, give date instead "As of 2008..." Done --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 23:59, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Book refs need more info, so fix Various authors: "Lincolnshire Information Report", A History of Lincolnshire, 2004. What is the publisher, for example? See WP:CITE
    • Maybe Done I don't know how I can rephrase it in any other way. I may have fixed it, but really, not more information about the source can be added. --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:25, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:21, 7 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for all your help, Ruhrfisch. I have just one last question, beyond all the others in this peer review session, to ask you.
Do you know any good, faithful copyeditors? I have already asked most of the people on the page before for copyedits, and they either haven't responded to me, left me early, or took a really long time. I don't have much luck in that sector. --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 16:30, 8 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I do not have any for sure ones. Another place to look is at the old WP:LOCE - the group is defunct, but the editors listed there might help with a copyedit. I also noted that the subsections in the History section could perhaps be renamed per WP:HEAD (avoid repeating "History" in subsection titles in the History section). What about adding dates, or Founding and Modern era? Another small detail to watch for - refs should be in numerical order. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:05, 12 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

TonyTheTiger's Review edit

  • Can you add a {{Geographic Location}} template at the bottom so I can tell which towns are adjacent to it?
  • The WP:LEAD has some details that don't belong such as:
    many of these parks contain tennis courts and other sports facilities
    It also experiences a humid temperate climate similar to most other communities within miles of the Great Lakes.
  • Early history should be sequential with 1673 events preceding 1768 ones.
  • "the town was a thriving community with a blacksmith's shop, sawmill, country store, and a church". - How about a population estimate.
  • Did anything happen between 1855 and the end of WWI?
  • Any demographics on double income families?
  • How big are the companies in the economy section either in terms of employees or revenues?
    • Question I don't mean to sound indignant, but how would this relate to the village? It seems like something that'd describe the companies themselves. --Starstriker7(Dime algoor see my works) 00:14, 11 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are any of the parks state parks or are they all local?

--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:00, 10 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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