Wikipedia:Peer review/Leningrad première of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 7/archive1

Leningrad première of Shostakovich's Symphony No. 7

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to take it further up the quality ladder (it's currently a GA). In particular, I'd like some input on whether anything is obviously missing from the article, and whether it makes sense to both music and MilHist people. Thanks, Nikkimaria (talk) 13:20, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

• One very small point: in the title you use the French version of "première". In English Wikipedia the norm is the English form "premiere". Brianboulton (talk) 00:35, 18 January 2013 (UTC)

• I think this may be an engvar thing? I know our article is at premiere, but the accented version is also used, even in English. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:56, 18 January 2013 (UTC)

Drive-by comment. The article includes 28 citations to a pair of newspaper articles by Ed Vulliamy. He does not cite his sources. Where did his information come from? Aren't there better sources? Aa77zz (talk) 19:21, 18 January 2013 (UTC)

• If there are, I haven't found them yet. I've tried to replace these with other sources where available, but usually there aren't any available. I believe most of the information in those articles came from interviews with people involved. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:56, 18 January 2013 (UTC)

Comments by Gerda Arendt

I had the pleasure to get to know this article as Peace music and to review it for DYK. For higher qualification:

• Lead - I miss a bit about the difficulties in mounting this heroic performance.
• Aftermath - I wonder if there's a better heading.
• General comment: I would like to see an infobox, there is Template:Infobox musical composition available, and it can be expanded if parameters are found missing. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 12:56, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Hey Gerda, thanks for commenting. I've expanded the lead slightly and amended the heading. A composition infobox for a concert? I think the article's better off without one. Nikkimaria (talk) 21:11, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Thank you, like the lead! --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:32, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Comments from Tim riley

Having been grateful for so many citation reviews by Nikkimaria, it is a pleasure to be able to reciprocate in a small way here.

• Title
  • The Oxford English Dictionary lists both "première" and "premiere". I prefer to use – as you do – the grave accent, and the MoS doesn't, as far as I can find, pronounce on the matter. But I'm pretty sure that for words such as "première/premiere" that have been more or less absorbed into English there is a fairly solid consensus against your view and mine, and the accent tends to be dropped in English WP articles. [Later: I see Brianboulton has made the same point above, but I leave my comment as first drawn because the point struck me quite strongly on first reading the article.]
• Lead
  • If you're aiming for FAC I think you need to beef the lead up. Having just two paras totalling only 130 words or so is less than par.
• Background
  • "broadcast première in Europe by Sir Henry J. Wood" – feel free to ignore this completely, but to my eye piping the "Sir" is easier on the reader's eye than not doing so. Thus Sir Henry Wood rather than Sir Henry Wood – in which I think the latter breaks flow slightly. Tangentially, Wood styled himself "Henry J. Wood", as you have done, but after much to-ing and fro-ing we have called his WP article just "Henry Wood".
  • "in London" – I'd lose the blue link: see WP:OVERLINK
  • "took place … by the NBC Symphony Orchestra" – perhaps "was given … by the NBC Symphony Orchestra"?
• "Preparation
  • "The hiatus on musical broadcasts – I wonder if "…hiatus in…" would read more naturally?
  • "three performers died while rehearsals were ongoing.[25][23][26][11]" – bundling would be tricky, perhaps, but if you really want four references they ought to be in numerical order.
  • "traditional symphonic works by Ludwig van Beethoven, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov" – purely a matter of personal preference, but I'd pipe these three composers to leave just their surnames visible to the reader. But of course ignore me if you think otherwise.
  • "Some musicians protested…" – it isn't plain until one reaches the later words about the rations that the musicians who protested were members of the orchestra; worth making clear, I think. Just substituting "players" for "musicians" would do the job.
• Performance
  • "a lavish banquet at the Astoria Hotel" – I'd be inclined to add "Leningrad" after the name of the hotel: as the wording stands it might have been a Nazi celebration in Berlin or elsewhere.

I found myself unexpectedly moved at certain points of this article. I learned a lot from it, and I shall watch its progress with interest and enthusiasm. If you take it further please leave me a note: I'd be glad to contribute at FAC in due course. – Tim riley (talk) 15:58, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for your comments, Tim - I believe I've implemented all of them, save for the accent issue. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:20, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll back you up on the grave accent at FAC, but I don't think we'll win! Tim riley (talk) 18:36, 27 January 2013 (UTC)