Wikipedia:Peer review/Kona Lanes/archive1

Kona Lanes edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because Kona Lanes has been created and built to reflect the best an encyclopedia can offer, and I need opinions other than my own to either confirm my belief or improve the article—or both.

Thanks, —ATinySliver|^ATalkPage 20:44, 13 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Looks pretty darn good. The lead section might need to be reformatted to reduce it to one or two paragraphs per WP:LEAD, and some of the one-line paragraphs in the main body are a bit awkward. Other than those small issues with style, it's a great submission. Good cites, good tone. Nice work! _{(Comments added by —Josh3580_talk/hist 14:07, 20 January 2014 (UTC))}[reply]

Thank you for the input. I'll check it out. :) —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 20:50, 20 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done. My thanks again. —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 21:24, 20 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Nice! It's enjoyable to read, compared to the majority of wikipedia articles, although I suppose this may be because the tone feels a little more journalistic than encyclopedic at times. I think it suits the subject perfectly, though. The picture of the sign is the most strikingly iconic, maybe it should be in the lead section? Junkyardsparkle (talk) 00:42, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Great comments, thank you—and, given that I was a journalist quite a few years back, that's a blessing and a curse when telling a story. As for the sign, I thought of that, but it seemed to make more sense paired up with the new image in its own section. I might try a couple of things, though. xD —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 01:25, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Also, thanks to User:Candleabracadabra for his edits to the lead; it's smoother and more concise now. —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 02:54, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I agree that it's a pretty well done and interesting article. There are some minor style points I would change, but generally it looks good. You might consider noting something about its architecture in the opening sentence. Don't bury the lead. I think the building design and signage is why this former building is worth noting? Take care and be well. Candleabracadabra (talk) 02:59, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Yep, good edit, and thank you. You too. :) — Preceding unsigned comment added by ATinySliver (talk • contribs)

The sign picture in the lead gives an immediate sense of why a bowling alley might be notable subject for an article. I feel like the new picture of the sign in the museum could stand on it's own in the section about its preservation, just my opinion. Junkyardsparkle (talk) 03:35, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

If I may? I tried that, and it didn't seem to have the same impact. Together, they serve as a stark reminder that this place no longer exists. IMHO. :) —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 03:42, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Doesn't bother me either way, but being a wiki and all... be prepared for somebody coming along and "helpfully" applying the same logic. ;) Junkyardsparkle (talk) 06:02, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

*snerk* but of course xD —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 06:24, 21 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I went back and looked at it again and I think you're right. Change made. :) —ATinySliver/^ATalkPage 05:54, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]