Wikipedia:Peer review/Joseph Priestley House/archive1
Joseph Priestley House edit
Awadewit and I are the major contributors to this article about the American home of Joseph Priestley and would appreciate any comments, feedback, or suggestions on how to improve it. We will make brief articles to take care of the two red links, and are working on a map, but thought we could start the peer review process and work on those at the same time. We plan to submit this to WP:FAC in the future. Thanks in advance for your help, Awadewit and Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:57, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
Comments from User:Yllosubmarine
I'm not sure how much help I can be; I didn't even know there was a Northumberland, PA! Still, here are a few thoughts:
- I know nothing about city planning, so forgive me if this is common sense, but I find the phrase "laid out around a central green" goes completely over my head. What does this mean, exactly?
- First off thanks for the very helpful comments. The Pennsylvania Northumberland is named for the British one, and was, as you say, a planned community (laid out by the planners, who then sold lots for building on to people who wanted to live there). Reflecting their British roots, they included a village green in the center of the new community. I have tweaked the sentence to read "Northumberland was laid out around a central village green in 1772." Hopefully the wikilinks and added word make it clearer. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:26, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
- Joseph and Mary lived with their son Joseph and his family in a small house while theirs was being built, and in 1798 Joseph Jr., his wife, and their children moved into the new house with Joseph. This is rather jumbled up and confusing, what with the four "Joseph"s. Perhaps split it into two sentences or separate it with a semi-colon?
- My fault. We were not sure where to put this, and I think it would be better if it were moved to just after the quotation on Mary's death. The problem is that they had another son who did not live with them. I will let Awadewit try her hand at this. Perhaps something like the following (new version of moved sentence italicized):
- "This day I bury my wife....she had taken much thought in planning the new house and now that it is far advanced and promises to be everything she wished, she is removed to another."[33] Joseph Priestley Jr., had taken his parents into his family's small house while theirs was being built, and in 1798 Joseph Jr., his wife and children moved into the new house with his father. Priestley's family relations...
- Another thought, it might work better to split it into two sentences and have just the first on where they lived while the house was being built where the problem sentence is now (The senior Priestleys lived with their son Joseph and his family in a small house while theirs was being built.). Then have the second on where they lived after the house was completed just after the quotation on Mary's death (In 1798 Joseph Jr., his wife and children moved into the new house with his father.). Does this seem any better? Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:19, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
- In his Memoirs Priestley wrote of his situation in Northumberland: "the settlement was given up..." This is the third quote that begins with a colon, but I don't think it works as well as the previous ones. It's also unnecessary to repeat "Northumberland" since it was stated in the previous two sentences. I would prefer to see it flow seamlessly, perhaps with an introduction similar to Priestley wrote in his Memoirs that "the settlement...
- Aha! In regards to my second point above, I was wondering why the sentence had read that Jr. and his family moved into the new house with Joseph, but there was no mention of Mary; four paragraphs later it's explained she died before it could be completed. This was confusing for me, so maybe if you rewrite that "Joseph"-laden sentence, it will be less of a headache.
- This is just a personal gripe, but I dislike double parentheses: (referencing his own An History of the Corruptions of Christianity (1772–74))
- Changed it to its "corruptions", referencing his own An History of the Corruptions of Christianity (1772–74). but if Awadewit prefers the original, please revert. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:51, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
This is quite well written and highly comprehensive. I haven't read the Joseph Priestley article, but I was able to keep up with the subject matter fairly well. The history of the Priestley family in particular is very well told and I definitely got the sense of the importance of this house, not only in terms of Priestley's life, but also locally. The pictures are fantastic and it's a shame more pics from the commons cannot be added for fear of crowding out the text (I quite like the photos of the plaques, for example). I'm glad a map will be added; that would be very helpful for geography disinclined folks such as myself. I hope this has helped somewhat. :) María (habla conmigo) 14:45, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
- Hoefully the map will up within 12 - 14 hours. Thanks again for your most helpful review. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:51, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
- The map is up on the Talk:Joseph Priestley House page for now - will be added to the article once it gets checked out and revised if need be. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:26, 11 January 2008 (UTC)
- Hoefully the map will up within 12 - 14 hours. Thanks again for your most helpful review. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:51, 10 January 2008 (UTC)
- Comment Recommend referencing: The Priestleys fled Birmingham and attempted to live in London, but they could not escape the political turmoil. and Although Priestley was best-known in Europe as a scientist (he had discovered oxygen gas in 1774), Americans knew Priestley less as a man of science and more as a defender of the freedom of religion and as a supporter of American independence LordHarris 20:07, 10 January 2008 (UTC)