Wikipedia:Peer review/Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)/archive1

Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to push this article to Good article status and eventually Featured article status. Any advice would be very strongly appreciated, especially grammar-wise.

Thanks, The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 11:34, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Question:: What is the purpose of the material shown below? Is it part of this article's review? Brianboulton (talk) 00:50, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

• One is the standard peer review, the other is the WikiProject: Video Games review. --Teancum (talk) 15:35, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

So does this still need a review - looks like it got a pretty thorough sets of comments below? Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:37, 27 January 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Here are some suggestions for improvement from a quick read through.

• In the lead this needs a ref per WP:MOSQUOTE and WP:LEAD: She is a photo journalist, and was created by Ubisoft developer Michel Ancel, who had the intention of creating a character who resembled a real person rather than a "sexy action woman."
• Odd verb (portrayed) - would "voiced by" or something like that be clearer? She is portrayed by Jodie Forrest in English and Emma De Caunes in French.
• I would say something like "it is the official position of the game's developer is that she has no ethnicity because she is not from Earth" for the phrase in this sentence (attribute who says it in some way): Despite discussions and comments about Jade's ethnicity by Wired.com editor Chris Kohler and forum goers, it has been established that because Jade was not from Earth, she had no real ethnicity.
• Problem sentence - the whole rumor part is just awkward (plus the spelling of rumor / rumour - is this British or American English?): Ancel's wife, a character artist for the game, played an important role in her creation; Beyond Good & Evil public relations manager Tyrone Miller stated that a rumour existed that she was the inspiration for Jade.
• Needs a ref again (direct quote): Ancel intended on creating a character that resembled a real person rather than a "sexy action woman."
• You can walk similarly to someone, but you can't "look similarly" to someone, so please fix ... he chose Shannyn Sossamon, stating that she looks and walks similarly to Jade.[1]
• I would add the year of the game's release and also the year(s) of the material from the possible sequel
• Prose could use a copyedit in spots - I pointed out some, but there are others that remain.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 16:37, 27 January 2010 (UTC)

Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)

I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to push this article to Good article status and eventually Featured article status. Any advice would be very strongly appreciated, especially grammar-wise. Thanks! - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 11:39, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

To begin, I have not played this game at all. So, this review is from an unbiased viewpoint. Some of the issues:

• the first reference's link is broken.
• I've added a weasel word template to an info. paragraph sentence
  • Done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
• The sentence after that has some confusion, who was taking care of the orphans? There are two people mentioned in the sentence.
  • Done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
• In the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph, there are what I believe are titles, after a two individual gaming sites. You should capitalize the titles and add quotations to make evident the titles.
  • Done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
• Next there is a mention to Kendra Midori who I believe is a character of James Cameron's Avatar but the wiki. link you provide is to a 1970's video game.
  • Done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

Well, that's all I can find for now. Sincerely Subzerosmokerain (talk) 00:29, 17 January 2010 (UTC)

Additionally, I don't have any prior knowledge with:

• what DomZ or Alpha Section is in the Appearances section. Who are the bad guys per se?
• You might have to fluff out the Appearances section because it is looking a bit small compared to the rest of the article.
• Also you should reference that section a bit with the Cite Video Game Template.
  • Unfortunately, I don't own the game, so I can't fill that in. I'll have to ask the person who added the section. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
• The Jade (disambiguation) does not have a redirect to the article.
  • Done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

Fix those and I think you've pretty much fixed it. Sincerely Subzerosmokerain (talk) 21:48, 17 January 2010 (UTC)

• Overall it looks decent, however:
  • Considering it's likely the Ubisoft template will be deleted, I would say that on NFCC grounds File:Beyond Good & Evil Artwork Jade Version.png should probably be removed.
    • That's probably true. I also wanted to find a character portrait of her that resembles the lead image. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
  • As Subzero mentions, another paragraph could probably be added to the appearances section, or at the very least extra explanation as to who the DomZ, IRIS, alpha sections are.
    • I'll make sure that gets done. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure if you've done this, but a location for good character info would be digging through the game reviews (I see one is listed.) Since I'm working on Beyond Good & Evil, I'll see if other mentions crop up that should be included.
    • I often look through reviews, but have not done it in this instance. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
  • The lead goes into a bit too much detail on the ethnicity bit, methinks.
    • Hrm, maybe. I think it needs some mention though, since it was a matter that received response from a developer. - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
  • The description in the infobox sounds more like alt text, and is a bit unnecessary in my opinion.
    • I thought that alt text was suggested? - The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 04:29, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
      • Alt text is suggested but what those images have are captions, captions don't need to be as descriptive as alt text. To create alt text for an image [[File:Beyond Good & Evil Artwork Jade Version.png|thumb|right|Early concept version of Jade. She lacks the green clothing of the above image as well as the headband, wearing a t-shirt with an image on the front instead.|alt=DescriptiveTextHere]]. CrimsonFox ^talk 17:51, 24 January 2010 (UTC)

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk)