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Wikipedia:Peer review/Inauguration of Barack Obama/archive2

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Inauguration of Barack Obama edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has failed FAC twice and could use some more feedback.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:48, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I will start by saying this looks much better compared to the previous peer review. I also wish someone else would peer review it, but as I noted before the FAC comments are a very detailed review in and of themselves and I would look at them closely. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

  • I like the images in the article now and their placement very much. Ialso like that the sound and video clips are there. My only quibble here is that at least one image File:2009 Obama inauguration luncheon.jpg is not set to a thumb width as the MOS reccommends. I did not find the slightly larger size helped me see it better - is there a reason it is set to a specific pixel width? I also note the two images in Ceremony: "A New Birth of Freedom" come close to sandwiching text, but there is not much room to move them and I like both (and my monitor tends to compress things a bit).
    • I have resized the image you mentioned. Instead of going with the default thumb size, I went with reducing it from 275px to 225px, which is the same size as the image below it.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looking in some detail at the Plannning section, I will try to point out some issues that recur throughout the article.
    • First, I think it might help to add the date of Obama's election (Nov. 4) so the reader has some idea of the time scale. Thinking about this more, is there any info on when the planning committee started work - presumably they could do some planning before the election was held? WP:PCR
      • I am not sure I see a point in that section where his election and its date is relevant.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:10, 13 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        • I guess my thought on including this in a sentence or two is two-fold. First, I think it shows that the planning committee had relatively little time to organize everything - Obama was elected Nov. 4 and the full schedule was released Dec. 17 (less than 6 weeks later). Second, I think that there are non-Americans who read this who might not know the date of the election, so providing it is useful. WP:PCR Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:59, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I added a sentence with a reference about the platform construction beginning on Sept. 24. and noting the Nov. 4 election. Thanks. Aaron charles (talk) 01:31, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Second, the article is inconsistent as to the name of the committee that organized all of this. The official website uses "Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies" (although the Wikipedia article is confusingly United States Congress Joint Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies). I think this or an official abbreviation would be used throughout. However, the lead uses "Presidential Inaugural Committee" which links to United States presidential inauguration (but I would think the previous link here would be much better). The Planning section calls it the "Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies" in the first sentence, then refers to it as the "2009 Presidential Inaugural Committee" in the second sentence. To confuse matters more, the U.S. Senate Committee on Rules and Administration is also mentioned, but I think that is OK. I think I would use the official name in the lead and the first occurrence in Planning and then put one or two abbreviations or shorter names to use after it, so something like "...were planned by the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies (also known as the Inaugural committee or JCCIC)" and not use any other names. FYI, I made up the short name and abbreviation - use the common short name, but define it. As it is just in the Planning section we have it called "Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies", "The 2009 Presidential Inaugural Committee", "the committee", "the congressional committee", "the Presidential Inaugural Committee" and "the presidential committee".
  • I have revised the article to clarify the roles of the two different committees. The link to "Presidential Inaugural Committee" is redirecting currently to another article. Perhaps it will eventually be its own article, but for now the only choices for this article are leave it or remove it and for now I have left it. Aaron charles (talk) 16:31, 17 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • OK< just looked at it again - can you add who the members of the Presidential Inaugural Committee were? Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:59, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The only committee member besides Obama and Biden that I could find is Emmett S. Beliveau, and he doesn't have a Wiki page. I suspect that this committee has a makeup of volunteers, staffers and maybe donors, as opposed to composition of the congressional committee. Aaron charles (talk) 01:11, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • The committee (whatever you call it) only has six members, most of them pretty well known and all members of Congress. I would include all of their names (and not just Diane Feinstein's).
    • While I think this could benefit from a copyedit, it read pretty well until I got to the last paragraph on Washington DC changing operating hours for bars and restaurants. This is the longest paragraph in the section and to my mind the least important and least interesting. I would cut this back to maybe three sentences
  • The District of Columbia City Council passed legislation signed my Mayor Adrian Fenty to allow bars and restaurants that paid a registration fee to to operate 24‑hours a day between January 17 and 20, with no alcohol served after 4:00 a.m. EST.[18][19] This extension of normal hours was done to accomodate the large crowds expected. The Hotel Association of Metropolitan Washington agreed to pay for extended Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority train service on January 19 for visitors attending and workers providing support for inaugural events.[20] I don't think normal alcohol operating hours are needed and am also doubtful that the compromise moving the closing time back from 5 am to 4 am is needed.
  • Sentence showing the need for a copyedit: The Presidential Inaugural Committee and members of the 111th U.S. Congress distributed invitations and color‑coded tickets to both dignitaries and ordinary citizens to gain access to, and view the swearing‑in ceremony from, reserved sections on or near the U.S. Capitol grounds.[22] Eeek! I had to read this three times before I was sure what it meant
  • More context - the "We Are One" concert section does not have the date. I think a fair number of readers will look at only a section they are interested in and The day after Obama arrived in Washington, D.C., an inaugural concert, "We Are One," took place at the Lincoln Memorial. would be confusing.
  • Spiritual observances section - why not just call this Prayers? or perhaps Invocations? I also think this could be organized better. As it is it directly quotes Lowery saying when "white would do what is right" twice (needless repetition). I think I would mention both, talk about Warren first (as he spoke first) then about Lowery second (as he spoke second). I thought Obama's speech, Lowery's prayer, and Aretha's hat were the three best parts of the ceremony.
  • More context - I would mention RObert Byrd is the oldest member of the Senate in Luncheon
  • OK, I have spent a fair amount of time on this and am not done with the whole article, but need to do other things. I think these are general points that could be addressed throughout.
  • I think the International attention section is much better, but why not call it International reaction?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:09, 11 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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