Wikipedia:Peer review/Home Alone/archive2

Home Alone

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I am attempting to achieve GA status on the article. This is my first ever peer review, so apologies if I mess up in any way.

Thanks, Thatoneweirdwikier Say hi 19:34, 8 December 2019 (UTC)

Comments from SNUGGUMS

I love this movie (and its 1992 sequel)! Happy to offer some comments so it the page can be in better shape.

• The lead should note when and where filming took place
  •  Done
• "namely his older brother Buzz", I think mainly would be a better word choice when he and uncle Frank are the harshest towards Kevin, and I'm surprised that no mention of Frank is included there.
  •  Done
• As far as I can tell, no last names were ever mentioned for Harry and Marv in this or its sequel. Those seem to have been pulled out of nowhere.
  • Looking through some sources, they are the correct surnames. I'll add them in when I add in the citation for the cast.
    • In case it wasn't clear before, my point was that those are never implemented within the script/background or (unless I missed something) listed in the film credits. If any cast/crew members mention it, though, then they would be appropriate to include. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 17:47, 21 February 2020 (UTC)
      • Apologies.  Removed
• "an accurate headcount" seems misleading when a neighbor was accidentally counted instead of Kevin.
  •  Changed to "a frantic headcount" to fit with the text
• Let's specify that "stays in his brother's apartment in Paris" refers to Rob.
  •  Changed to "in his brother Rob's apartment"
• "Unable to accept this, Kate is overheard by Gus Polinski, the lead member of a traveling polka band, who offers to let her travel with them to Chicago on their way to Milwaukee in a moving van, which she gratefully accepts." is quite a mouthful! Try splitting that into multiple sentences and reword it if necessary. Same goes for "Kevin is initially able to trick them into thinking that his family is still home, forcing them to put their break-in plans on hold, but after further investigation, Harry and Marv finally come to the realization that Kevin is home alone, and on Christmas Eve, Kevin overhears them discussing plans to break into his house that night at 9:00." as well as "He points out his granddaughter in the choir, whom he never gets to meet as he and his son are estranged due to an argument they had years ago; Kevin convinces Marley to attempt reconciling with his son."
  •  Done
• Where did sibling/cousin birth orders come from? Also, I can't recall finding any indication that Buzz is actually named Peter Jr.
  • Where are they in the article?
    • You'll find it in the cast section. From what I can tell, all that's known for certain is how Kevin is the youngest of Peter and Kate's children. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 12:40, 21 February 2020 (UTC)
      •  Done
• The "Cast" section should cite its listings, especially for those not mentioned in the plot. WP:CASTLIST doesn't make any exceptions for referencing content. One concise way you can do so is by having a single citation supporting as many roles as possible and saying "Credits adapted from _____". See Friends with Benefits (film) and Saving Mr. Banks for good examples of this.
  •  Done
• In "casting", the first paragraph needs to be sourced.
  •  Done
• Within the article body, you should include the release date along with a source for it. Remember that lead sections and infoboxes are supposed to summarize the prose that follows.
  •  Done – I didn't add any new source as the cited article in the sentence shows the release date.
• Expand on critical reception; six reviews isn't enough for a highly famous movie like this. I'd include at least twice that amount. Another good thing to add would be something on how it came to be considered a Christmas classic.
  •  Done
• Under "homages", the Better Watch Out entry is missing a citation
  •  Done
• I'm not convinced "plentiful" in "commercial contains shot for shot remakes of plentiful scenes from the film" is appropriate tone, also it's part of another ridiculously long sentence.
  •  Done
• Avoid using super short paragraphs as those make the text look choppy. See MOS:PARAGRAPHS for more.
  • Do you have any examples?
    • The second paragraph in "filming" should be extended or merged with another paragraph. Same goes for its final one, the first and third paragraphs in "box office", the listings for Home Alone 3 and 5 in "sequels", the first paragraph of "Reboot", and both paragraphs from "Novelization". SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 20:38, 21 February 2020 (UTC)
      •  Fixed

Hopefully these help. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 03:07, 21 February 2020 (UTC)

​Thank you very much for the comments! I'll try to respond to them over the next few days. Thanks, Thatoneweirdwikier Say hi 07:32, 21 February 2020 (UTC)

​  All comments addressed. Let me know if there are any problems. Thanks, Thatoneweirdwikier Say hi 19:34, 23 February 2020 (UTC)

This definitely has improved! I just removed a speculative bit on Heather being the first-born cousin of Kevin (all we know is that she's one of Peter's nieces, and I believe Rob is her father). The main thing to work on now is expanding on the "Later critical response" section as it seems kind of bare with only a singular paragraph. Adding some quotes would probably help. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 19:42, 23 February 2020 (UTC)

​Thanks for your comments! I’ll try to get this to GA soon. Thanks, Thatoneweirdwikier Say hi 20:33, 23 February 2020 (UTC)