Wikipedia:Peer review/Fort Saskatchewan/archive2

Fort Saskatchewan

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because it recently became a Good Article, and I want to nominate it to be a featured article. I am not sure of what needs to be improved before it meets the critera, so I would greatly appreciate some feedback and advice on how to make it FA quality.

Thanks, CplKlinger (talk) 04:13, 24 October 2020 (UTC)

NOTE: when you close this peer review, please be sure to remove it from Template:FAC peer review sidebar. If FA regulars have to do all the maintenance, they may stop following that very useful sidebar :) Good luck, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:50, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

Comments from SandyGeorgia

• General reading (with a section for advice for FA aspirants) at User:SandyGeorgia/Achieving excellence through featured content
• I also highly recommend that all FA aspirants review
  • User:Tony1/How to improve your writing
  • User:Tony1/Redundancy exercises: removing fluff from your writing

I tend to focus on MOS, sourcing, and other technical issues, and leave the prose nitpicking to others.

• Considerable MOS:SANDWICHing should be addressed. Usually this means sacrificing some images which aren't necessary to aid comprehension of the topic.
• You can install this script; also, it is helpful to learn to distinguish WP:HYPHENs from WP:ENDASHes and WP:EMDASHes.
• You can install this script to keep your dates in order.
• I removed the duplicate short description
• WP:MSH, 1.1.1 The hanging of Swift Runner ... typically "The" is avoided. Ditto for 1.3 The provincial gaol
• MOS:CAPTIONS, sentence fragments in image captions should not have final punctuation
• Don't include items in See also that are already linked in the article, and don't include items in See also that should be mentioned in a comprehensive article.
• Check throughout that converts are in place, eg, 324-hectare farm needs convert to acres.

Prose

• Notable people should be prose, not a list. It lends itself easily to a paragraph on hockey players, a paragraph on women, and a paragraph on everyone else. Why is there a birth and death date on one only (I suggest leaving that off).
• MOS:CURRENT, sample only, "Fort Saskatchewan currently has ... " check throughout. Either leave off currently, or specify an as of date.
  • Another example of text that will become dated: The last election was held on October 16, 2017 where Gale Katchur was re-elected for a third term as mayor. --> Gale Katchur was re-elected to a third term as mayor in 2017.
• Some wikilinking on types of schools is needed, as grades are different throughout the world.
• Don't clutter the text with acronyms if they aren't used again in the article, sample: Elk Island Public Schools (EIPS) and Elk Island Catholic Schools (EICS).
• Non-Canadian readers not familiar with riding, link to Electoral district (Canada). Similarly, link the first occurrence of gaol to jail so the rest of us non-Canadians don't have to look it up :) :)
• Avoid WP:PROSELINE, a large number of sentences and paragraphs start with a date, which tires the reader.
• Every place that you mention a statistic that will vary over time needs an as of date, sample, serving a catchment area of approximately 75,000 people ...
• Two short paragraphs on overall economy but two LARGE paragraphs on one mall seems out of balance. I'd trim the mall (it's an encyclopedia :)
• Don't be afraid of WP:RED; if something is notable, add a red link-- that's how Wikipedia grows
• Work on varying the prose to hold reader interest ... don't start subsequent sentences and paragraphs similarly, eg, Fort Saskatchewan is home to the Heartland ... followed by ... Fort Saskatchewan has a youth sports
• Neighborhoods is nothing but a list-- it should be prosified and something said about the neighborhoods.
• Writing needs to be tightened -- here is one sample only:
  • Every May, the Historical Society hosts a two-day event called "The Peoples of the North Saskatchewan."[109] This event allows local students to experience what life was like for residents in the early days of settlement.
    • The Historical Society hosts a two-day event each May called "The Peoples of the North Saskatchewan" to allow locals to experience pioneer life (or something like that ... too wordy)
• Another sample of too much repetition (and WP:NOT a directory):
  • Fort Saskatchewan is served by the Fort Saskatchewan Public Library located on 102 Street, in the same building as City Hall.
  • The Fort Saskatchewan Public Library is located in the same building as City Hall. No need to start yet another sentence with "Fort Saskatchewan" and then duplicate those words.

Citations

• Don't repeat publisher as author, sample, Statistics Canada (August 9, 2019). "Census Profile, 2016 Census". Statistics Canada. Retrieved April 1, 2020.
• Same here, Canada, Veterans Affairs (February 20, 2019). "Sharpshooter: Henry Norwest – Native Soldiers – Foreign Battlefields – Aboriginal-Canadian Veterans – Remembering those who served – Remembrance – Veterans Affairs Canada". www.veterans.gc.ca. Retrieved March 29, 2020. and the title of the article is "Sharpshooter: Henry Norwest, the publisher is Veterans Affairs Canada. And the date on the article (found at the bottom) is 2019-02-14. Go through and make sure all of your citations contain correct date (when available), publisher, and author if available distinctly from the publisher.
• For example, this has no date and no publisher: "Meet Jennifer Sidey and Joshua Kutryk, Canada's newest astronauts". Retrieved October 31, 2019. It's also missing the author of the article.
• Same here: "About ACRWC – Alberta Capital Region Wastewater Commission". Retrieved May 26, 2020.

These are samples only; considerable citation cleanup is needed. I suggest reviewing some FAs that have passed recently to see how citations are formatted; you might look at Germany or Japan for articles whose citations were recently cleaned up.

These are just some things to get you started. I suggest you work through all of that, and do the reading I provided above, and then open another peer review. If you let me know, at that time, I will ping in some other Canadian editors to have a look. Good luck! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:44, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks for putting in so much time and effort into this amazing response, it will be a great help for me when I edit this page in the coming weeks! CplKlinger (talk) 17:57, 4 November 2020 (UTC)