Wikipedia:Peer review/Elizabeth College, Guernsey/archive1

Elizabeth College, Guernsey

Apologies if this isn't the appropriate category, but it seemed to be the most relevant from the available options. I've listed this article for peer review because I have done as much as I can to improve the article since its successful GA nomination, and was advised to seek peer review following a failed FA nomination due to lack of interest. I look forward to seeing what improvements others suggest and working to make this article one of the best on here. Thanks, —Ave (talk) 13:04, 15 November 2020 (UTC)

NOTE: when you close this peer review, please be sure to remove it from Template:FAC peer review sidebar. And please consider adding the sidebar to your userpage so you can help out at Peer review! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:26, 16 November 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for the advice, will do. —Ave (talk) 22:25, 16 November 2020 (UTC)

I may not be able to get to this until Friday; meanwhile, perhaps User:SandyGeorgia/Achieving excellence through featured content will get you started. It's aimed at medical editors but the advice is the same ... and the links to other advice and tools are must-read. Bst, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:33, 16 November 2020 (UTC)

SandyGeorgia

These are intended as samples only.

Sourcing and citations

• There are multiple HarvRef errors. See Category:Harv and Sfn template errors. (It is always wise to check the hidden error categories at the bottom of the article.)
• There are inconsistent dates in the citations: this script will help you keep them consistent. Sample, Archived from the original on 2011-07-11. Retrieved 17 February 2011.
• A good portion of the article is cited to Parker, Chair of the School Foundation, which will raise eyebrows at FAC as to the neutrality and appropriateness of the source. Where possible, find better sources or consider whether content should be included.

MOS

• There is a mixup between dashes and hyphens: this script will help correct some of them, but manual intervention may still be needed. See WP:DASH, WP:EMDASH and WP:HYPHEN. Sample, Parker 2011, pp. 12-13. should be an ENDASH, not a hyphen.
• Review throughout for MOS:CURRENT, sample, The school's current main building, finished in 1829 ... and ... A lithograph of a drawing of the school's current main building by its architect, John Wilson ... which doesn't work nor does the later "new" main building. Use dates.
• 2020/2021 ... see MOS:DATERANGE

Prose - samples only

• Many names have been given to the school throughout its history. While officially established as Queen Elizabeth's Grammar School, it has also been referred to by a number of names including Le College de notre Souverayne Dame La Royne, Grande Eschole de la Royne and Ecole Elisabeth until its rechartering in 1824.

• Excess verbosity -->> Many names have been given to the school. It was officially established as Queen Elizabeth's Grammar School, but has also been referred to by other names including Le College de notre Souverayne Dame La Royne, Grande Eschole de la Royne and Ecole Elisabeth until its rechartering in 1824.

• Does the "until its rechartering" refer to all of the names or just the final one? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:54, 19 November 2020 (UTC)

• The school remains a landmark on the skyline of Saint Peter Port.

• --->> The school is a landmark on Saint Peter Port's skyline. This is uncited, and is the kind of "puffery" opinion that will be flagged at FAC unless independently sourced.

• 500 (11 to 18 approx.) ... it is not clear why the 11 to 18 is repeated here.

• As a US reader whose boys went to a private all-boys school, I am completely confused about why an "independent" school is also referred to as a public school. I guess an independent school in the UK is not private??

  See this discussion at my talk, where I have been schooled! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:53, 22 November 2020 (UTC)

• The school charges £4,260 per term, ... does not belong in the article or the lead (WP:NOTPRICE).

• the school is one of the oldest schools in the British Isles and is the oldest public school in the Channel Islands. ... info appears in the lead only, not the article, and does not appear to be cited. See WP:LEAD.

• Work on phrasing more directly ... Having been a boarding school since its foundation, the gradual decline in the number of children being sent to the island to board following the world war period meant the school became a day school in 1996. --->>> Founded as a boarding school, Elizabeth College became a day school in 1996 as boarding attendance gradually declined following the world war period. ... 37 words becomes 24.

• Avoid repeating words ... vary wording ... produce, producing ... sample, Noted for producing students who would later join military colleges in the United Kingdom, the school has also produced four Victoria Cross recipients. Also, the "noted for" is sourced to Parker, which is not an independent, third-party source for this sort of claim. That will be called as puffery without an independent source.

• as well as a number of notable persons in various fields including the arts, sports and academia. ... True of just about every private school, unworthy of lead mention.

• alongside which they recommended ... ack, is that BrEng? This paragraph is overquoted; best to attempt to rephrase some of it in our own words.

• In order to create a ... see Tony1's writing exercises linked in my essay above.

• There are nine instances of the words as well as; review Tony1's writing exercises.

• a reputation for catering for the sons of British government officials ... catering to the sons? Again, cited to Parker ... should be independently sourced.

• Vary wording and sentence structure ... too many sentences and paragraphs start with "the school ... "

• The breadth of the curriculum was described as 'a significant strength' ... passive voice (was described), opinion should be attributed.

• All of the text about the ISI report should have an as of date.

• Uncited ... Since 1951, it has been the only uniformed military body in the island and provides guards of honour for visiting members of the royal family.

• The school has been successful in rifle shooting ... cited to Parker, needs independent source. Please review that all claims about the school quality are independently sourced.

• Alumnus Charles Trotter twice competed at the Olympics, won a bronze medal at the 1982 Commonwealth Games, and won the Queen's Prize in 1975. ... You should be able to cite this independently.

This is not intended to be comprehensive ... just a list of things to consider and to get you going. Good luck! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:54, 19 November 2020 (UTC)

@SandyGeorgia: I can only apologise for how long it's taken me to get round to responding to this. Thank you for all of the above comments, queries and suggestions, which are hugely appreciated. I have made a lot of improvements to the article since its PR nomination and will ensure all of the above is addressed. —Ave (talk) 15:10, 2 February 2024 (UTC)