Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Peer review/Dianna Agron/archive1

< Wikipedia:Peer review

Dianna Agron

edit
Toolbox
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I've been adding sources to it since August and, from those sources, subsequently expanding it. I know that actor bios run long when they've had multiple main roles (though this is the longest one I've worked on), and I'm fairly certain all the information is DUE, but there's some parts where I've been undecided if the information is about the actor or the actor's process and may belong at the related film article. If someone with a specific bio/film interest can weigh in, I'm looking for comments on how and where best to present/include information - and where it is too detailed, of course, to help cut it back. I've started trying that from the bottom, so it probably looks top-heavy at the moment.

Thanks, Kingsif (talk) 06:47, 17 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Kingsif. I just did a quick pass of the Career section. This is what I think:

  • "During the hiatus between filming Glee in the summer of 2009, Agron wrote, starred in, directed, and executive-produced a short comedy film called A Fuchsia Elephant. The plot revolves around Agron's character, Charlotte Hill, who recreates her eighth birthday party on the day before she turns eighteen with her friend Michael, played by Dave Franco. As well as Agron and Franco, the film stars performers including Max Crumm, Rowly Dennis, Christina McDowell, Mikey Post and Shelby Rabara. Though the film was not released, still images were shared, which showed it to be Alice in Wonderland-inspired – the book is one of Agron's favorites." - too much detail here for a film that wasn't released; this can definitely be cut down
Do mention that it was unreleased somewhere, perhaps in the first sentence, write "an unreleased short comedy film called A Fuchsia Elephant."
Done that! Kingsif (talk) 01:45, 15 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "though Sarah is also a high school student, she is different to Quinn" - redundant detail
  • As this contextualizes the next statement ("Agron had been looking to take on projects that were different to her best known role"), should both parts be removed if it's not important? Kingsif (talk) 04:36, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I think you could remove the first part, and rephrase the second part as "Agron took on the role because it was different to her Quinn character, and..", which is sufficient.
Great alternative. Kingsif (talk) 01:45, 15 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In late 2013, Agron became attached to the Josh Boone film The Pretenders with Michael B. Jordan, Anton Yelchin, and Imogen Poots; by 2016 the director and cast had all left the film, which became a James Franco project." - I think this is redundant.. I mean, actors are attached to projects all the time and don't always take off
  • That was an attempt at a fix; the article said she was going to be in the film and presumably wasn't updated when that didn't happen. I added the update without removing the original content, I didn't know if it was significant or not. Kingsif (talk) 04:24, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2014 she starred as the scorned bride in Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One" music video. Glamour wrote "Now THIS is how you do a music video!" in response to it, discussing Agron's emotional performance by saying that her "convincing Desperate Housewives act [shows] off some major acting skills [and] really brings Sam's heart wrenching pop-ballad to life"; HuffPost said that "if Sam Smith's voice doesn't get you all choked up to begin with, your tear ducts won't stand a chance [as] a teary-eyed Agron chugs wine straight from the bottle in the liquor store". - too much detail here for a music video appearance
  • "Mary Grace helms "an interesting subplot" whereby she has transferred to the convent due to its stricter lifestyle, as she is struggling with her sexuality and temptation for the women around her and expects the "harsher environment" to keep her desires at bay, but finds not being allowed to express any affection harder to handle." - not needed here I think, belongs to film article
  • I might ask for advice on moving this content, it probably needs some context edits rather than cut-and-paste. Kingsif (talk) 04:24, 12 December 2020 (UTC) I couldn't find a place for this at the film article so trimmed it to just the minimal context Kingsif (talk) 06:49, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and spoke on a panel at FFFest in October 2019 as a director, actor and writer, where she said that she "almost always [prefers] the making and being on set, or being in a writers' room, [to] the awards and the dresses, and the dinners and the suits, [...] because that is where the joy comes from". - try paraphrasing her quotes, as it will flow better and sound more encyclopaedic
  • "the fact it was quickly dropped weird" - odd phrasing here
  • YA adaptation - Young Adult adaptation? Make that explicit.

I can try to give more feedback later, thanks LM150 18:33, 10 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Further comments -

  • I've replied to some points above.
  • This paragraph: "Agron landed her breakthrough role in 2009..", could be broken into two paragraphs. Ryan Murphy's quote with the profanity could potentially be cut to remove the profanity.
  • This paragraph: "In September 2017, she made her singing debut at the Café Carlyle..", I thought was too reliant on quotes. I think some of them can be paraphrased (this goes the same for the rest of the article).
  • I've trimmed use of quotations in this paragraph and working on others; the over-reliance will be a symptom of past versions of the article being a quote mine, and my lack of familiarity not wanting to paraphrase too much. Kingsif (talk) 01:45, 15 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • This goes the same for the very last paragraph: The Hollywood Reporter said she was "perfect", Variety said she was "flawless", and /Film called her "a perfectly realized shiksa". I'm not a fan of one word quotes, so this part may flow better if you just write, "Critics from The Hollywood Reporter, Variety and /Film complimented her performance."
  • Religion and family section - did you consider moving some of her schooling up in the Early life section?
  • Discography section - I'm not sure how useful the discography table is; this detail can obviously be found in the respective articles. Personally, I would just write some prose about the peak positions of several tracks (some is already present) and remove/reduce the table. Either way, it's up to you! LM150 16:04, 12 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I rebuilt this. There used to be a table that had every Glee song but not many charts, which was truly pointless. I checked the album articles for which songs Agron is actually credited on, and found that these articles are mostly stubs that also don't have chart positions. The relevant detail is split across so many articles (personnel credits in album articles only, charts in singles articles only) that it seems inefficient but I also don't have the desire to work on those. The discography table is collapsible (if awkward-looking when collapsed), which I think works to present the information conveniently in one place. For simplicity, it doesn't include every single/song she is credited for, only songs that charted, as our Glee singles articles reveal that some songs were EPs or downloads and it all seemed a bit confusing. I was honestly thinking about adding the relevant albums the songs were on, as most discography tables have. Kingsif (talk) 01:45, 15 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Dianna_Agron/archive1&oldid=998191694"