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Wikipedia:Peer review/Aaron Eckhart/archive1

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Aaron Eckhart edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I think this article might have a chance at becoming a Featured Article, but I would like to know what needs to be done first.

Thanks, --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:46, 15 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • Sociopathy links to a dab page. Fixed correct link. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:33, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "His most recent role..." in the lead will need continually updating. Removed. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:33, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He had a Mormon upbringing." -avoid five word sentences, they read stilted and choppy.
  • "He took three years off " - off what exactly?
  • Merge that sentence and the next one by maybe using "... Switzerland before enrolling..."?
  • Portrait formatted images should use the upright parameter per WP:MOS#Images. Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:33, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref 32 refers to a single page but uses the pp. abbreviation. Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:33, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise a good article. Definitely worthy of GA off the bat, FA at a push. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:45, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]


Ruhrfisch comments: As requested, here are some suggestions for improvement (and I agree with TRM's points above). If you want more comments, please ask here.

  • I think if this is going to go to FAC it needs a copyedit to polish the language a bit. Some examples:
    • Aaron Edward Eckhart (born March 12, 1968) is an American actor of film and stage [actor]. He made his film debut in Neil LaBute’s black comedy film In the Company of Men ... (second film is not needed, moving actor to the end of the first sentence seems smoother)
    • During his childhood, Eckhart had a Mormon upbringing.[3][4] Why not just Eckhart was raised as a Mormon.[3][4] perhaps combine this sentence with the one on his mission work. Also avoid overlinking - both Mormon and The Church of Jesus Christ of LDS are linked and are the same link.
    • ... the comedy Meet Bill, in which he plays Bill a sad executive[,] working for at his father-in-law's bank.[42][43] For the title role, Eckhart gained 30lbs. [30 pounds (14 kg)] for the character.[8] Provide metric units too - I did so with the {{convert}} template here. As for the phrase "for the character", I would either say "to play the character" or "for the role".
  • I would be consistent about providing dates of films. I like them as they provide context to the reader - see WP:PCR. I also note that in the lead Possession is a 2002 film, and the sentence after says Eckhart was then cast in Sean Penn's The Pledge ... which is a 2001 film, so "then" is not the correct word choice
  • Where did he graduate from high school? When? When did he do his mission work? Is he still a practicing Mormon? I realize that some of these may not be in your sources, but comprehensiveness is a FA criterion and these questions would likely arise in an FAC.
  • The lead is all about his films - since there are sections on his Early life and Personal life, could they be included in the lead in some way (a sentence or phrase)? I would also mention he has appeared on television.
  • This seems a bit short for an FA. WHile there is no length requirement there, comprehensiveness is a requirement (as noted) and the article size could be an indication something needs to be added or expanded. I would look at some FAs on actors as models for ideas, see Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Media. One possible model is Jake Gyllenhall
  • Refs and images look good, interesting article and I realized reading this I had seen him in a lot more films than I realized.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:38, 22 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It looks better, but I still think there are some rough places that could be polished by a copyedit before FAC (as professional English is a FA criterion). Either print it out and read it out loud or ask for someone to copyedit it (perhaps in the first section at WP:PRV). I had not seen the Eric Bana FA, I am out-modeled! Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:17, 24 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Have asked some people with copy-editing help and will see from there where the article goes. Thank you to both the Rambling Man and Ruhrfisch for leaving comments regarding the article, they have been appreciated. :) --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:34, 24 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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