Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/Family Guy (season 1)/archive2

< Wikipedia:Featured list candidates
The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was promoted by Giants2008 19:29, 7 August 2011 [1].

Family Guy (season 1) edit

Family Guy (season 1) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): Pedro J. the rookie 19:36, 29 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured list because after the Peer Review it had, I believe that it's ready to become an FL Pedro J. the rookie 19:36, 29 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, but it needs another copyedit. Just glancing at the article, I've found numerous grammar mistakes and a few spelling errors. Some of the stuff also needs to be reworded/rephrased, sometimes due to repetitiveness. Ωphois 19:56, 29 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
User Ruhrfisch made a CE this afternoon. Pedro J. the rookie 23:42, 29 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Still has some grammar issues. As well, a lot of the prose is written in a passive voice and should be rewritten in an active voice to strengthen it. Ωphois 16:13, 30 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I will ask a Copy editor to give it a check. Pedro J. the rookie 16:25, 2 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Still a few grammar/punctuation problems. Also, why are the episode titles in the prose now italicized? They should be in quotes. Likewise, series titles (like in the reception section) should be italicized. Ωphois 19:29, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Alright the episodes and shows concern is done. Could you specify some of the grammatical errors, since I believe the CE would have shorten the amount. Pedro J. the rookie 20:01, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
"While working on the series, Larry and his dog Steve slowly evolved into Peter and Brian; the rest of the series characters were added later." - "series" should be "series'"
"After the pilot aired, the series was green-lighted." - should be "green-lit"
"The season was produced by Fuzzy Door Productions and 20th Century Fox Television; it aired on Fox Broadcasting Company in the US. The executive producers for the season were David Zuckerman and MacFarlane;[10] the latter acted as show runner.[11] The producer for the season was Sherry Gunther, with co-producers Mike Barker and Matthew Weitzman;[12] Other producers included Craig Hoffman, Danny Smith, Gary Janetti and John Riggi.[12]" - "US" should be spelled out as "United States". The second sentence is terribly phrased.
Stuff like that. Ωphois 20:18, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Okay I fixed the I think I improved the second one. I will check over the artical to check anyother errors. If you find any yourself please list them. Pedro J. the rookie 00:40, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, but I don't have time to look through the article and point out every single error. That's the job for the copyeditors. Ωphois 16:39, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Neutral. Ωphois 16:21, 25 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from — Legolas (talk2me) 06:12, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
;Comments from Legolas2186, leaning towards oppose
  • The starting line of the article somehow puts me off. The second line should have been the first one, with gradual flow into the first line. That way reader's would instantly have a say about the characters.
  • Instead of just a bland "DVD cover art" as the photo caption, why not name the characters there? That way readers have a visual aid to the prose, and this also increases the rationale of using a non-free image.
  • Avoid consecutive usage of "the season".
  • In second para, WP:CITEKILL is needed for "[2][3][4][5]", the references.
  • "I Never Met the Dead Man" was included in two IGN top tens related to the show. --> Needs to be rephrased.
  • Using #33 does not look very encyclopedic, i would advice using number 33 instead.
  • Larry shorts --> what does shorts mean here? Any wikilink?
  • The summary of the second episode is just atrocious. A heavy ce is needed.
  • Same follows for the last episode of the season.
  • There is no need to separately include Book: Family Guy (season 1) in the see also section. It can be embedded with the season 1 episode template, that way it will be present in every article pertaining to season 1.
  • What makes tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com a reliable source?
Tv by the numbers is partnerd with Zap2it which is owned by Tribune Media Services. Pedro J. the rookie 18:05, 2 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Plus after I checked, it can't be published by anyone you have to be in the group that created the page and that group is partnerd with zap2it so this is reliable. Pedro J. the rookie 14:34, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please check the italicization of online versus printed sources, both in the prose and the references.
For eg: IGN is an online source but it is appearing as an italicized source in the references, which is only reserved for printed media and books. Similar online sources should be corrected also. — Legolas (talk2me) 16:40, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 12:45, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Be consistent in whether you are including publishers or not in the references.
You need to either include publisher for all the references, or exclude them from all. Addition in some of them, while others being left out breaks consistency. — Legolas (talk2me) 16:40, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 14:34, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • En-dash in 1998-99 ratings.
  • Can you tell me the reliability of animatedtv.about.com and its author? It doesn't seem very reliable unlike Bill Lamb or Ron slomowicz. About.com sources cannot be exactly taken with a grain-of-salt now.
Well about.com is owned by The New York Times Company. Pedro J. the rookie 18:51, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
That doesn't make About.com a reliable source. Any one can register and create articles in that website. Its the reliability of the author that determines the value of his/her article. Hence my questions, what is the reliability of this author? — Legolas (talk2me) 16:40, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Removed. Pedro J. the rookie 12:45, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 14:34, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I think much work is needed but I'm willing to wait and see if changes happen for good. :) — Legolas (talk2me) 16:05, 2 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I have done most requests you posted but I have doubts about two of them. Could you explain the En-dash and the italicization requests better. Pedro J. the rookie 18:51, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done with all the requests. Pedro J. the rookie 18:33, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I did the en-dashes with GregU's dash script--♫Greatorangepumpkin♫Share–a–Power[citation needed] 18:14, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Another comment, one Yahoo link doesnot have url, also a lot of titles have em-dash in them, where it should have really been en-dash. — Legolas (talk2me) 06:12, 5 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Both Done. Pedro J. the rookie 14:34, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You have a normal dash in the reference titles, instead of an en-dash. — Legolas (talk2me) 14:39, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Pedro J. the rookie 15:02, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference 13 and 14, I think you have the opposite urls. — Legolas (talk2me) 15:23, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Actually no, they are like that. Pedro J. the rookie 16:20, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • I didn't notice this before, how is Geocities a reliable source? — Legolas (talk2me) 12:47, 7 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Removed. Pedro J. the rookie 20:38, 7 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Neutral for now. I'm still not sure about the prose, as has been indicated by Giants below. It still fails a little in terms of brilliance and feels pretty rushed out, especially in the summary of the episodes. — Legolas (talk2me) 05:20, 10 July 2011 (UTC) [reply]

Reference inconsistency again. You are wikilinking IGN in some of them, and in some you are leaving it out. Same goes for all of them. Either you link all the reference parameters, or you leave them. — Legolas (talk2me) 05:35, 18 July 2011 (UTC) [reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 06:06, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

After another careful look-through of the article, I believe all the concerns have been addressed, I can now support the promotion of this list. Good job everyone. — Legolas (talk2me) 05:57, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: There are currently two real issues with the image. Firstly, a forward facing shot (like http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/516KRQ21TQL._SL500_AA300_.jpg) would be preferred, as this current one has two copyrights- the box and the photograph, which is a whole can of worms we don't need to open. That one only has the box. Secondly, it has no rationale for this use. J Milburn (talk) 11:47, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

In fact, looking again, you're using the volume 1 cover, not the season 1 cover, which would be preferable. J Milburn (talk) 11:48, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 14:10, 3 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The new cover could do with having its whitespace cropped (and then being tagged with {{non-free reduced}} for good measure) but that solves the problems I raised. J Milburn (talk) 14:54, 6 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Pedro J. the rookie 19:30, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:55, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose – I know there are likely to be more issues in a list of this type than in most lists that come to FLC, but this is full of little problems, including a bunch of grammatical bugs that shouldn't have made it to this point; a copy-edit beforehand would have been beneficial.
  • The lead feels like it's missing the customary sentence or two at the start saying what the show is. I disagree with Legolas' comment on this, especially if it means removing the intro altogether. Now the beginning doesn't have sufficient context. Maybe start it as "The television series Family Guy follows..."?
  • "and the rest of the series's characters were soon added later." Why "soon" and "later" at the end? Also, I think "series's" should go without the final s.
    • I actually thought one of the two words should have been kept. "the rest of the series characters were added" feels like it's missing something. How about adding "later" back to it? Giants2008 (27 and counting) 20:23, 8 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The season was produced by Fuzzy Door Productions and 20th Century Fox Television, it aired on Fox Broadcasting in the United States." Comma should be a semi-colon, I think. The Crew section needs a similar edit.
  • Episode 2: Redundancy in "Distracted, he crashes and knocks out the city's cable transmitter, knocking out reception for the entire town of Quahog." We have "knocks out" and "knocking out" in close proximity to each other. More variety, please.
  • "and convinces Meg into taking the blame for the cable outage." Doesn't work well. How about "and convinces Meg to take the blame for the cable outage."?
  • "But he is saved by Lois by giving a heartfelt speech to the community." Remove second "by". Or you could go with "saved when Lois gives a heartfelt speech to the community."
  • Episode 4: "Peter becomes jealous and gets his friend's wives to drag them out out of the bar." Two things here. The first should be obvious: a repeated "out". The second is that "friend's" should be "friends'"
    • "friends" needs the apostrophe at the end to be grammatically correct. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 20:23, 8 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • The apostrophe should be at the end of the word, not in the middle like in "friend's". This means one friend, while the rest of the summary implies more than once. Hence why the apostrophe should be at the end. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:55, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some of the links in the summaries, such as poisoned, teething, wheelchair, and addict, don't add much if anything to the page. They are all quite common, and links aren't required or even desirable for them.
  • Conception: "Fox proposed McFarlane complete a 15-minute short". Missing "that" before McFarlane's name.
  • Crew: Comma before "the latter also acted as show runner" should be a semi-colon.
  • Remove "for" from "and the co-producers for were...".
  • Reception: Capitalize second word of DVD talk in the second paragraph.
    • I'll elaborate in response to the comment below. The sentence in question reads "Aaron Beierle of DVD talk...". Since talk is capitalized as part of the company's title (at least in our article), it should be capitalized here as well. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 20:23, 8 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need for a second I Never Met the Dead Man link in this section.
  • "regarding 'The Son Also Draws' as the season's poorest. The episode 'The Son Also Draws'..." Try not to have the episode name repeat so soon from one sentence to another. Maybe something like "The latter episode" would be a good segway?
    • Now the episode title in question isn't given at all. The segway is there, but the connection to the text before it has been lost. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 20:23, 8 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • To clean this up a bit, I would make it "and regarded The Son Also Draws as the season's poorest." Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:55, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Don't understand what "caused anger between Canadian viewers" means. Is it meant to be like "caused anger from Canadian viewers"? Also, was there a reason why Canadians were upset, like jokes at their expense?
  • Ken Tucker gave the series a graded of D in Entertainment Weekly". "graded" → "grade".
  • In the next sentence, Family Guy needs to be italicized.
  • Typo in the photo caption next to this section: "recived".
  • Geocities (reference 5) isn't generally a reliable source.
  • Also, what makes The Great Reporter (reference 8) reliable? Giants2008 (27 and counting) 01:54, 7 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed every request except the one about DVD Talk, please explain it better. Pedro J. the rookie 20:38, 7 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Responded above in numerous places. In addition, there's a cite error for reference 7. Unfortunately, my oppose stands for now since more copy-editing is needed. Please consider bringing in someone new to the list to help you. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 20:23, 8 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Left a few more responses above. In addition, please get rid of the bolding in the opening sentence. There's no need for it, and there's especially no need for a bolded link at the start, which violates the MoS. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:55, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from Jujutacular talk 04:08, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Comments
  • "The series premiere, "Death Has a Shadow", broadcast after Super Bowl XXXIII, had 22.01 million viewers." - Too many commas in this sentence makes it choppy. How about "... was broadcast after Super Bowl XXXIII and had 22.01 million viewers."
  • "Stewie, grudgingly coming to realize his dependence on his parents, controls the judge's minds to reconsider their sentence." - Using 'controls' in this context makes me think of the supernatural. Is that the case? Or would 'influences' be more appropriate?
  • "Youth Scouts" - is this an in-universe analogy for the boy scouts? If so, provide a short explanation saying as much in parentheses.
  • "...when he runs over the troop leader" - with a car? Does he stumble over the leader?
  • "David Zuckerman and MacFarlane the executive producers for the season;" missing word?
  • "The staff writers were MacFarlane, Chris Sheridan, Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan, Ricky Blitt, supervising producers Danny Smith and Gary Janetti, co-producers Matt Weitzman and Mike Barker." - review this sentence, it doesn't really make sense.
  • "This season had a cast of four main actors" - try the season.
  • "MacFarlane explained that he was a fan of 1930s and 1940s radio programs" - is a fan.

I'll review the Reception and DVD release sections on a second pass. Jujutacular talk 23:20, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Haque also named "Brian: Portrait of a Dog" and "I Never Met the Dead Man" as two of the "best in the series"" - "best in the series" is short enough that it probably doesn't need to be in quotations.
  • "... saying that the first season did a well in introducing ... " typo.
  • "Fans of the show should definitely pick up this terrific sets, ... " [sic]
  • "The producers received hate mail from Canadian viewers, offended by a joke made at their expense in "The Son Also Draws"." - it would be nice to give some idea of what was offensive to them.

That's it from me. Jujutacular talk 23:58, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Done with every issue. Pedro J. the rookie 03:53, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support - looks good to me now. Jujutacular talk 04:08, 20 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Hello. I have looked this article over and believe it meets the criteria for FL, though I believe my active participation on improving related articles (about individual episodes) puts me too close to really put forward support. However, I am willing to make any last little improvements that anyone feels are necessary to get this article passed. Grammar and style issues, in particular. Bobnorwal (talk) 18:13, 27 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Pedro has done a good job improving the list, and it seems to meet the featured list criteria. Gage (talk) 04:31, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from The Rambling Man (talk) 19:14, 7 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Regretful oppose (reviewing as someone who has seen a few FG episodes but isn't a regular)
  • Image caption in infobox should not have a period.
  • Could we be a little more prose-savvy and start with "The first season of" or something similar?
  • And perhaps talk a little more about FG before you leap in with the dates of broadcast. To a newcomer, the most important thing to understand is what the heck FG is. It should take only a sentence or two to describe it (maybe just rearrange some of the lead) and then tell me when it was broadcast.
  • " was broadcast after" do you mean it followed directly after the end of the Superbowl? Worth saying directly if it's true, otherwise its broadcast could (technically) have been any time since the Superbowl to now.
  • "and had 22.01 million viewers" not keen on "and had" perhaps "and was watched by ..." or similar?
  • First sentence "The series received praise from critics..." next sentence "While some critics praised the politically incorrect humor, others disliked...." reads poorly to me. There should be some kind of "however" or something there, perhaps a minor re-write of the prose. The first sentence says "all good" while the second sentence (repeats "praise") sort-of contradicts it.
  • No need to repeat Seth on first line of third para of lead.
  • "The season was produced by Fuzzy Door Productions and 20th Century Fox Television." - referenced?
  • Big problem with the summaries is that the characters aren't introduced to us at all, besides Peter and Brian. Who is Lois? What's her relationship with anyone?
Fixed every issue except the one above; The characters are explaind well in the cast section. But if it really is an issue I'll fix it. Pedro J. the rookie 20:20, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Since the episode section comes before the cast section, anyone reading the article would not find out this character information until later and thus may have trouble understanding the episode summaries. Ωphois 20:45, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Bingo. My thoughts exactly. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:48, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Alright, added some info on the lead. Pedro J. the rookie 23:22, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll leave it there for now, and if you'd be good enough to ping me when you've responded to the above, I'll continue the review. Thanks. The Rambling Man (talk) 18:29, 29 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on synopses etc

  • Not sure why you feel obliged to link "courthouse" or "womb" or "addict". And "heat wave", "dog show", "leash"... Don't feel obliged to link stuff just because there's nothing useful to link.
  • You link Stewie and Stewie alone in these synopses. Why?
  • " A cigarette starts a fire" really?
Actually yeah, that is what happens in the episode. Pedro J. the rookie 20:11, 5 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Not having air conditioning, the Griffins ask Brian to enter a dog show, offering a top prize of $500, so they are able to buy one." rephrase perhaps, like "The Griffins ask Brian to enter a dog show, offering a top prize of $500, so they are able to buy air conditioning"?
  • "three months before the premiere of the third season. " you linked second series, why not the third?
  • Family Guy doesn't need to be a see also, it's already clearly linked in the lead.
  • Consistent date formats required in references.
Please explain to a more extent. Pedro J. the rookie 20:51, 5 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • En-dash required, not hyphen (see, for instance, ref 23)
  • Refs 11, 12 etc have double periods. You can use pipe-links to stop this happening.
  • Ref 35 title looks like it has a double space or something odd going on with the title
Everything, except for the concerns with my comments are fixed. Pedro J. the rookie 17:52, 7 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:10, 4 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_list_candidates/Family_Guy_(season_1)/archive2&oldid=1138479853"