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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Commerce Square/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 00:17, 21 March 2010 [1].

Commerce Square

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Commerce Square (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Nominator(s): Mephiston999 (talk) 14:35, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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I am nominating this for featured article because it has just passed GA nomination and I think it is ready or close to ready to become an FA. Mephiston999 (talk) 14:35, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments. No dab links or dead external links; alt text was not present but I added it. Ucucha 14:50, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments While I wasn't planning on bringing Commerce Square to Featured Articles I do feel the article is complete, using all the references I could find. Medvedenko (talk) 16:53, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. Fixed; thanks. The footnote wikilinking is busted; please fix this. There are two references to footnote [a] but the backlink from footnote [a] points to just one of the references. This hurts navigation. A symptom is that the article contains invalid HTML; see Help:Markup validation #ID already defined. Eubulides (talk) 17:42, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Weak Oppose - The prose, particularly the lead, does a good job but I'm not convinced it's completely at an FA level as of yet. The mistakes seem to be a lack of attention to small details, which isn't necessarily bad, but is a slight problem (not one to worry about). Here are some examples.
  • Commerce Square was part of an office building boom in the late 1980s that saw numerous skyscraper construction in the West Market Street neighborhood of Center City, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.[3] - grammar?
  • The $US300 million development of Commerce Square was led by Robert F. Maguire 3rd, co-managing partner of Maguire Thomas Partners of Los Angeles. - Robert F. Maguire III; add the after that for a slightly more formal tone.
  • With a design by IM Pei & Partners, now called Pei Cobb Freed & Partners, Maguire was able to bring in IBM as a joint partner in the development. - these two ideas shouldn't be together in one sentence
  • IBM also served as the lead tenant for One Commerce Square, making about half the building its headquarters for the Mid-Atlantic region - the lead tenant?
  • Commerce Square would be split between two buildings, with One Commerce Square being built first, and the second tower, Two Commerce Square, being built later once a lead tenant was secured. - with One Commerce Square...
  • Plans for Commerce Square were officially announced on November 16, 1984 at a press conference at the Bellevue-Stratford Hotel. - whose press conference?
  • In 1987 the Consolidated Rail Corporation (Conrail) began indicating it wanted to consolidate its offices... - began indicating needs to be replaced
  • After the office building boom of the 1980s, the 1990s saw an office glut resulting in numerous vacancies and lower leasing rates. In 1993 IBM was struggling and it was shrinking its workforce and consolidating its operations, moving some of its employees out of the city. IBM started with occupying nearly half of One Commerce Square, but by 1993 it was using only one-fifth of the building.[14][15] - This should probably be reorganized in a format that flows better, particularly the second sentence.
  • Commerce Square takes an entire block, between 20th and 21st Streets and Market Street and John F. Kennedy Boulevard. - It takes up an entire block; covers an entire block; etc.? Be more clear.
  • I see there is criticism in the architecture section: perhaps there should be an entire section dedicated to that?

Sorry, but I'll have to oppose weakly for the time being. Best wishes for making this article into an FA! ceranthor 23:10, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed the issues you mentioned plus a few others I noticed. I also clarified and expanded the information related to your third note. Medvedenko (talk) 17:30, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The article looks great. I will try to read over again this weekend and maybe throw a support behind it. :) ceranthor 00:38, 12 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:23, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Emporis is a commercial company that specializes in building information. The sourced part, the free database, is monitored by editors and data must have a reference when submitted before it is published on the website. The New York Times link seems to work for me. Medvedenko (talk) 18:55, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'll leave emporis out for other reviewers to decide for themselves. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:05, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose—1a. I've only read the lead, and already it's not good enough.

  • If you are using convert templates, don't: "two identical 41-story, 565 feet (172 m) office towers that surround a 30,000 square feet (2,800 m2) paved courtyard". It's "-foot" in both cases as an adjective before, and a raft of hyphens is required. Reverse the order, as suggested by the MOS: "two identical 41-story office towers 565 feet (172 m) high that surround a paved courtyard of 30,000 square feet (2,800 m2). I thought we'd made this clear for a number of architectural FACs.
  • "office-building boom". "two-year search".
  • What does this mean? "Two Commerce Square officially ended the skyscraper construction boom of the 1980s when it was completed in 1992."
  • "In the 1990s Commerce Square's lead tenants shrunk their presence dramatically in the towers." It's "shrAnk" or "have shrUnk". Strange word to use, anyway. "Reduced"? Optional comma after "1990s".
  • The complex designed? "The complex was praised mainly for its design of two towers surrounding a plaza."
  • "strange"—period after the quotation marks. Tony (talk) 10:34, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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